The Infamous "If"

I have begun my journey through the pages of Scripture once again this new year to read it in its entirety.  (If you have not, I would really encourage you to do so. My 14 year-old granddaughter read through the Bible last year and is starting again this year.  You can do it!) I have used a number of different approaches over the years, and the Lord has helped me finish my goal, and encouraged my heart with the growth accomplished even when I failed.  I also journal along the way (with a file cabinet full of notebooks to show for it!), trying to capture those moments when a truth freshly jumped off a page, or a concept became so clear, or I saw something from a new perspective.  I also wanted to cement Truth into my thinking, especially when it served to correct me in some wrong, or comfort me in some distress...and there have been lots of those times through the years. I especially remember how precious and intimate it was to have the Lord meet me exactly where I was emotionally and spiritually when I would be up in the middle of the night with one of the kids sick or unable to sleep. I would turn to my Bible, not randomly, but where I was last in my reading, only to have the Lord use that specific passage at that specific time to lift my heart heavenward, grateful that He knew about some specific concern or struggle I was having.  Its Truth would so amazingly be applicable to my situation. Have you ever had that happen? I hope so. It still awes me that God would and still does this.

Why does that awe me?  Well, in Genesis this morning reading of Jacob I found myself considering two sides of an “if”.  

“Then Jacob made a vow, saying, If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat and clothing to wear so that I come again to my father’s house in peace, then the Lord shall be my God.” (Genesis 28:20).  

I must admit my first thought on reading this was that Jacob was a foolish, faithless man. “If?”  Really Jacob? You really did not understand this great God of your ancestors. You knew of Him no doubt, but did you really know Him in all His greatness and holiness?  Did you not understand that God is faithful and can be completely trusted to carry out His will and perform His Word? Why would you question “if”, unless there was some doubt in your mind that He could not? It sounds at first like Jacob is bargaining with God, much like we might attempt to do...."God, if You do this, then I'll do this."

This passage of Scripture details an encounter with God after Jacob has fled his home in fear of his life...at the hand of his own brother!  And it began with Jacob deceiving his father and stealing the birthright and blessing that rightly belonged to the oldest, Esau. Many of you may be familiar with this story and remember Rebekah, Jacob’s mother, putting him up to this scheme.  That’s a thought for another time. For now, my focus is Jacob, and he agreed to go through with it. After all, he had already taken advantage of a famished (and careless) Esau at an earlier time, gaining the birthright for a pot of beans.

Jacob, the deceiver. Lies, deception, manipulation, and whatever his motives for obtaining the blessing and birthright of the family, he did not come by them honorably. It is probable, and likely that Rebekah had told him what the Lord had told her about her twins when they were born, that the older would serve the younger, and the struggle in her womb would become a lifetime of struggle between the brothers.  Perhaps it was completely unnecessary for Rebekah or Jacob to manipulate and manhandle situations to see God’s Word accomplished. If God had already determined that Jacob would be the son of blessing, then God would see to it that circumstances and situations worked to bring this to pass. In other words, God did not need their help to see to it that His divine plan was carried out. In fact, God’s plan was much bigger than either of them realized.  

Foolish and/or faithless as he may have been, God chose Jacob, directed him, provided for him, protected him.  And for the first time I considered that maybe Jacob did understand. Perhaps his great “if” moment was not about his understanding of God at all.  Maybe it was more about his understanding of himself. When Jacob laid his head down on that rock that night on the run, God revealed himself to him in a powerful and life-changing way, promising Jacob He would be with him and would keep him wherever he went.  Jacob was probably no more sure of God’s abiding presence with him at this point, as he was of God’s protection and provision for him. His future was uncertain, and after all, he had not shown himself to be an honorable man, one that necessarily revered God and His Word up to this point.  In all of his failures, weaknesses, lies, deceit, fear, why would God care for him or promise him anything? Why should He?

Was this “if’ moment for Jacob a question of God’s ability, as in “is God able?”, or was it rather, “will God really do this for me?  Me, after all I’ve done?” God was most definitely able, and willing. Jacob just needed to choose to believe and accept it, in spite of himself.  

This is such a beautiful picture of grace.  Jacob would indeed receive something from God that he did not deserve and certainly didn’t earn through his righteous behavior.  No, he came face to face with the Lord God, was provided a promise, and all he had to do was believe and act upon it. That, is faith.  Jacob chose at this moment, even though there would be other failures, to exercise faith and say, “If God would indeed do this for me, then He will be my God”.  This seems more a declaration of Jacob’s feeble faith than a bargain he is making with God.

We don’t bargain with God about anything.  He offers the great gift of salvation, inviting us each personally to come to grips with our own sinfulness and inability to be free from the weight and penalty of our sin, and gain forgiveness and an eternity with Jesus by trusting Him.  We exercise faith, believing what God has told us in the Bible about Himself and His Son, about the death of Christ on the cross and the fact that He rose from the dead. That simple choice changes everything. It provides an everlasting life with God throughout eternity to come, instead of eternal punishment and separation from God.  It provides the chance for an abundant life now, not just an empty existence with no real and lasting purpose.

No, we don’t bargain with God about anything.  He has promised so much, made so much available to us in choosing to live for Him...Great joy, peace, provision, protection, wisdom, guidance, comfort, encouragement, grace.  But we must trust His ways, His timing, His plans and purposes that are higher than ours, not attempt to finagle and finesse our way through life. God is the one over all, in charge, ruling and reigning, even when it does not seem like it.  He is good at being God; He has been doing it a very long time….eternity. Let Him be God!

What side of the “if” are you on?  Are you struggling to decide if God is truly who He says He is and is able to do what He says He will do?  Do you see Him as the all-powerful, saving God that He is, able to care for you and all your concerns? Or, are you wondering if this great God, seeing you and knowing you for who you are (and He does see and know), would actually want to have a real and personal relationship with you? And if He does, would He care enough about what you are going through to want to come alongside and be your help and guide, never leaving you or abandoning you to yourself or your situation?  

“If” moments.  Jacob had one in Genesis 28.  I had mine. I was on the side of complete wonder that God loved even me.  I had no reservations about my sin, failures, inadequacies, weaknesses. They stared me in the face...stare me in the face...everyday.  But Jesus lives in and through me. I am an overcomer because of Him. It may not seem as apparent to others all that Jesus has done for me, but I know God is great and good and FULL of grace and mercy to love the likes of me, and to care and be involved in the details of my life.  

Oh God, even though I sometimes question why you would love me, why you would die for me, I thank you that I never have to question your greatness or goodness, your willingness to reach to me where I am.  You are able and faithful and amazing.

God is bigger than your “ifs”.  

Me and my crazy dog.

I was so exasperated!  My beautiful but insanely crazy Australian Shepherd was draining me of energy and my normal critter compassion.  My patience was wearing thin and I was so close to a trip to the pound.  “And I chose you!” I yelled.  No sooner were the words out of my mouth and I felt the pang in my gut that said, “God’s not happy with that!”

Yes, I had chosen her.  She was so cuddly and cute as a puppy.  And the thought of her staying one more minute in that crowded, hot pet store crate seemed cruel.  Roger had been looking into the breed for a while and was surprised to actually find one in the store.  We went in there pretty often and had never seen one.  When he took me over to see her it was love at first sight.  She wasn’t your typical Aussie.  No, she was a White!  Blue eyes, a few brown and gray spots on her ear and hind legs, and a pink nose, beautiful!  We also knew she would be full of energy and would need lots of wide open space to run free.  This was not the dog for an apartment dweller, so we were sure the farm would be the perfect place for her.  

But she was older now and wreaking havoc around the house, scaring the grandkids, chasing the animals.  Our work situation was such that we weren’t home very much, and because she was so difficult to handle she spent a lot of time either on a chain or in her crate.  It brought me to tears knowing she was having to live this way.  I began praying that she’d calm down, that I’d see some change as she got older.  A friend prayed with me when I got to work one morning in tears.  Roger always said he wouldn’t have a critter that he wouldn’t pray for! 

When I heard myself yelling at her that day, I could immediately hear the Lord saying the same thing about me.  He chose me.  He drew me to Himself.  He rescued me.  And how often He must be exasperated with me in my stubbornness!  How patient He had been with me over the years, teaching me, growing me, loving me.  Tilly needed my loving attention and determined teaching, not my anger and exasperation. 

I quickly thanked the Lord for the “slap on the face”, reminding me of His grace and patience, and began praying about an intentional plan of action for me and my crazy dog.  I had read in my research that as a working breed they needed to feel useful or they are miserable.  It had escaped me that I needed to find ways to help her feel like she had a purpose other than being cute and cuddly.  So, I set out to get some things that would help me accomplish this with her.  Then, I established a routine so that she would know what to expect.  It would be her time to be with us.  Our work situation had recently changed, so this was now going to be possible on a daily basis!  It’s just like God to concern Himself with the things that matter so much to us!  And if it didn’t work out, I’d love her regardless and have no regrets. 

In just a short period of time she has become such a loving and good dog.  Her excitement still gets the best of her at times, but it’s not frightening to the children or destructive, and it’s quickly reigned in as she learns to listen more and more.  My crazy dog and I have learned some things.  So thankful God is patient with me, ever teaching, ever loving me closer to Himself. 

Yes, I chose Tilly.  And it makes my heart glad. 

Ephraim's Nurse

I sat in church Sunday evening listening to my son, Daniel, preach.  He was speaking on the providence of God, and everything in me was straining to listen and grab hold in faith of this great Truth.  As the message from the book of Esther developed, I prayed silently the familiar words of scripture, “…for such a time as this.” We had received news that morning that the dialysis that had been so desperately avoided for our grandson was now inevitable.  Ephraim’s kidney was failing and without it, he would not make it to transplant.

God had so graciously sustained his little kidney so far.  Transplant was right around the corner; the first stage of testing already scheduled.  He would soon be four years old when they said he shouldn’t have lived.  So why dialysis now when it could be so detrimental to transplant readiness in the long run? I believe God is Sovereign, and that He is in control even in dark days, even when His children are in disobedience, just as Dan was sharing.  The timing of the message itself was providential.  I needed this reminder that my faithful and loving God was without a doubt still in control.  While my heart silently cried and prayed, God silently worked. 

 

In the book of Esther, God’s name is not mentioned but His silent work is undeniably evidenced.  And so we would see it be so with Ephraim.  The next day while Rebecca was with Ephraim, undergoing that first round of dialysis, our son Seth called to tell us about what he described as “an awesome God moment”.  I listened intently, curious but   grateful to hear the encouragement and excitement in his voice as he shared about Ephraim’s nurse.

On that same Sunday morning that I wrestled with the providence of God, another woman wrestled with God about going to church, knowing she should be worshipping and serving Him again.  Once the decision was made, the question remained as to where to attend.  She realized a church was meeting right across the street from her house in a school, and decided to try it.  At some point during the service, a blog was read by a young woman named Rebecca with a son named Ephraim that would soon be facing dialysis while waiting for a kidney transplant if God did not intervene.  Her ears perked up.  She was a dialysis nurse.  As the church brought this family before God, she joined in prayer for them even without knowing them.  What she did know was the ordeal dialysis could be.  The next morning when she arrived at work and was handed her chart, she was surprised to find that she had been assigned to none other than the little boy that she had prayed for.  When she met Rebecca, she pulled her aside and began to share this “no accident” incident.  Nurse Andrea would be right by Ephraim’s side for the duration. 

“Momma, God is still using Ephraim.  I know we didn’t want the dialysis to happen, but God did!” Seth explained.  “It’s going to be ok.” 

What had been so clouded was now profoundly clear!  God was right there, silently working in providence His sovereign will.  God was right there, in that room, holding Ephraim’s hand through a caring, providentially chosen, nurse.  He chose her for Ephraim, and Ephraim’s situation at this time was for her. 

I know I often underestimate God’s providence, but it is real and it is powerful.  In His sovereignty He is silently at work in the details of our lives. 

 

Just ask Ephraim’s nurse. 

 

 

"Fruitful in the Land of my Affliction"

Our youngest son Seth and his wife Rebecca have been on an incredible journey.  Their oldest child, one of our precious grandchildren, Ephraim Josiah, was born with….wait, first things first…he was born, and he lived.  He lived beyond what anyone had thought possible from a medical perspective.  Ephraim will be four years old on the 18^th of May. 

What a bright, beautiful child he is.  He has been through so much in his four years.  God has seen fit to sustain him with very minimal kidney function.  And even though there have been surgeries and procedures, medications and treatments, he has survived major setbacks, and thrived.  Now it is clear and a decision has been made to begin moving him through processing for a kidney transplant.  Seth, his daddy, is the first donor candidate and will soon begin the process as well. 

Rebecca emailed me today with a preview of Ephraim’s logo with COTA (Children’s Organ Transplant Association) that will be ascribed with the message “fruitful in the Land of my affliction”.  My thoughts went immediately to the Scripture in Psalm 119.

“It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn Thy statutes.”  “I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right, and that Thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me.  Let Thy merciful kindness be for my comfort.”  Ps. 119:71,75,76

Good? Good to be afflicted?  What a paradox.  But God specializes in those.  And I am so glad.  I would not want to even consider accepting the truth of it otherwise.  He is faithful, so I can trust Him.  I do that through faith, not dwelling on how I feel.  Knowing God is altogether Good, and that all He does He does with divine kindness that is beyond my ability to even understand, is the comfort that sustains. 

It is not just possible; being “fruitful in the land of my affliction” is a reality.  Ephraim is.  And he is not the only one.  God is great and God is good.  When we are confident that we are walking with Him, we can be confident He is with us in any and every affliction.  There are no accidents or mistakes with our loving Creator God and Savior, only divine appointments. 

Rest in Him.                                

 

 

'Streams in the Desert'

It was December of 1986, my last ladies Bible study. Shortly after Christmas we would be packing for the move we would make in January. So much had changed in those few years since coming to New York; Rog and I had changed. God had grown us, stretched us, and brought us to the realization that He had plans for our future that we would never have dreamed of. This small group of ladies had become so dear. I was the young wife and mother in the bunch, and they had mentored and encouraged me in ways I had not expected.

It was here I began to write for our church newsletter. It was here I began to lead the Ladies Bible Study. It was here I began to teach Sunday School and work with the teens and children in the church and Christian School. It was here I began to reach out into the community, visiting families and bringing their children to church on a church bus. I was like a sponge, soaking up all these godly women were pouring into me. The foundation had actually been laid earlier in Virginia with a Bible study I was involved in there, but it was in Saratoga Springs that I began to put into practice some of the things I had begun to understand about what it meant to really live for Christ.

As we sat around the table that snowy December morning in my friend’s kitchen, there were mixed emotions. Some people have lived in one area their entire lives. They live and work and worship with many of the same friends and family they have grown up with and known all their lives. I’m beginning to get a sense of what that is like. We have been here in West Virginia now going on 20 years! We have strong ties and bonds here now. And I enjoy this, seeing the roots go ever deeper as the years pass. But I also treasure the memories of these earlier days in my “growing up years”, spiritually speaking, as a young wife and mother. Roger had not long come to the realization that God’s desire for him was to serve as a preacher, and probably as a pastor. That of course meant that I would be a pastor’s wife!! Not in a million years would I have seen myself in that role just a few short years prior. There was much education and training before us, but after much prayer and counsel we were convinced of the direction we would be going. I was excited, but yet overwhelmed with thoughts of where this decision might take us. But God had prepared us and brought us to this point; He was going before us, and we were embarking on this journey together as a family.

Our goodbyes said in the midst of hugs and tears, we prayed together, and they prayed for me and Rog and our young family, that God’s hand of blessing would be on us. Lynn Greene, one of these sweet ladies, then gave me a gift that I use to this day. It was a copy of Mrs. Charles E. Cowman’s Streams in the Desert, a daily devotional, now a classic. How many times have the Scriptures and the articles in this collection brought to me ‘a word in due season’…at crucial times in my walk with the Lord, ups, downs, highs, lows. Even though I have used a number of devotionals through the years (in fact, I collect them!) I would find myself going back to this one over and over again on some certain, some random days. The wisdom of saints in these pages! Men and women that have gone before me that have seen the faithfulness of God in so many ways, it just always speaks volumes to me. I also will often read the note Lynn wrote to me in the front cover:


Dear Angela,
May the Lord bless you and your Bible Study. May he continue to use you in the lives of other
ladies. May He be with you and help you to uplift your husband an d family in His great work for
the Lord. May you in “all ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path.”
Love In Him,
Lynn Green, Ps 107:29


With the Lord’s great grace and His enablement, I am trying to continue to do this, Lynn! God’s Word is even more a treasure to me now than it was then. I continue to make myself available to other ladies both old and young to encourage and teach and minister with (though I am still learning so much from so many!); I continue to strive to be the help my husband needs as a loving, supportive wife; my children and my grandchildren are still my priority and my joy to love and serve; and I continue to trust the Savior to guide and direct my every step. He has directed our paths to this point and I know He will be faithful to see us safely to His desired place for us as we keep following hard after Him.

And that Streams I was given? It is still a favorite and a faithful companion, not only in my devotional time, but any time I need the wealth of wisdom and inspiration it provides.

I leave you with some of my favorite thoughts from its pages. BE BLESSED!



The problem of getting great things from God is being able to hold on for the last half hour.-----selected
March 5, on Hebrews 3:14

He has kept you hitherto; do you but hold fast to His dear hand, and He will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand, He will bear you in His arms. ----J. Hudson Taylor, February 8.

“Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where God was” (Ex. 20:21). God has still His hidden secrets, hidden from the wise and prudent. Do not fear them; be content to accept things that you cannot understand; wait patiently. Presently He will reveal to you the treasures of darkness, the riches of the glory of the mystery. Mystery is only the veil of God’s face. Do not be afraid to enter the cloud that is settling down on your life. God is in it. ----selected; March 14

Shifting Sands

From being at the Banks (Outer Banks, NC) to battling a blizzard! Whew, things sure can change quickly, can’t they? Just a week or so ago we were enjoying the warm October ocean breezes and mild temps. But at least this year it was not snowing when we arrived home to WV. Well, not for a couple of days at least! It was 70 degrees in fact, on Friday before the storm hit on Monday night, plunging temps, blowing down power and phone lines, and dropping over a foot of snow in our neck of the woods. Superstorm Sandy, Frankenstorm, or whatever else it may have been called, it whipped through just the same. And we got only a taste of the terrible affects many are feeling along the coast and especially further north.

Some changes are like that storm. There are ways to prepare, at least as much as possible. Then you batten down and try to ride it out. Afterwards though, there’s always the cleanup, sometimes devastation. And when storms hit the Banks that I love, it’s never the same afterwards. It’s still beautiful, and there are evidences and even markers of past seascapes, yet the change is obvious. We had to cross a makeshift bridge this trip on Route 12 that I had never crossed before, over the ‘new’ inlet that was created when the last hurricane went through. And while there was a lot that was familiar some is changed forever.

Much of the change has been subtle as year after year shifting sands creep ever closer to the road, the one road on and off the barrier isle. Bulldozers are a regular sight in recent years pushing back the growing mountains of sand, trying to keep the roadway clear. Wild sea oats and grasses grow in patches, and fences jut out along the crest of the dunes to slow the drift, and attempts are made to keep beach erosion at a minimum. Yes, subtle change is continuously taking place, but is very obvious to those of us who only manage to make the occasional trek every year or so. Some businesses have closed, new ones opened. Some have moved location. Some cottages have been washed into the ocean. Some roads and resorts are no longer along the shoreline. There’s still sun and surf to be had and life goes on. But many of the locals feel the pinch and the impact of “changing tides”.

And today, Election Day 2012, it’s all about change in this country isn’t it? Hasn’t that been the mantra of the times for a while now? Sometimes though, I get the feeling that the change we’ve experienced in this country is that devastating kind. Much like when that coastal hurricane hits. You are warned it’s coming, you think you’re prepared for it, you’ve survived them before and they really weren’t all that terrible. Sure some things were different afterwards, but it didn’t disrupt your life to any great degree. Then, years go by and you wake up one morning only to see, as if for the first time, things are nothing like they were. And it’s not good. In fact the change is so detrimental that your whole livelihood is at stake. Everything you know and understand to be your home, well, it doesn’t feel so much like that anymore. The effect of all the change over time is overwhelming to even consider. It’s that “wow, what happened?” kind of feeling.

Change is good, but it has to be the right kind. Some things definitely need to change. The frustration is that more time seems to be spent on the fight about who gets to decide what the right kind of change is than actually seeing any real positive change take place. In the meantime, we’re like drifting dunes, shifting ever so subtly that until it’s “bulldozer time”, it’s hardly noticeable that the change that has taken place is causing massive damage and requiring incredible cleanup.

“Behold, the Lord God shall come with a strong hand, and His arm shall rule for Him; Behold, His reward is with Him, and His work before Him. Behold, the nations are as a drop in a bucket , and are counted as the small dust on the scales; To whom then will you liken God? Or what likeness will you compare to Him? To whom then will you liken Me, or to whom shall I be equal? says the Holy one. Lift up your eyes on high…” from Isaiah 40.

I lift up my eyes today to the sovereign, just, and loving Creator God. I pray, I act responsibly as His word directs, seeking to honor Him and impact others with His love and truth; and I trust. I trust Him to engage in the affairs of this world as He sees fit. I trust Him to care for His own as He has promised, no matter the shifting sands.

Love My Outer Banks!

We’ve just come off of a week at the Outer Banks and I’m still riding the wave, so to speak. Glorious weather, a chance to relax and just enjoy the moments; sitting in the warm October sun, walking on the beach, watching sunset over the sound, flying kites, looking for seashells, visiting our old friends the lighthouses, checking out some of the shops and savoring some of the dishes at the local dives. These are just a few of the things that make this one of my favorite places to be. There’s something about being able to switch to island time, move at a slower pace, and take time to absorb my surroundings.

But there’s more. There are times I am sitting on the beach watching the waves pound the shore, and the majesty and might of God nearly overwhelm me. In my devotional time I read from Psalm 93.


The LORD reigneth, he is clothed with majesty; the LORD is clothed with strength, wherewith he hath girded himself: the world also is stablished, that it cannot be moved.
2 Thy throne is established of old: thou art from everlasting.
3 The floods have lifted up, O LORD, the floods have lifted up their voice; the floods lift up their waves.
4 The LORD on high is mightier than the noise of many waters, yea, than the mighty waves of the sea. (KJV)


Now, read it again. Close your eyes. Can you hear the ocean roar in the distance? Can you feel the breeze against your face? Can you hear the gulls calling out over the waves? Listen. The Lord on high is mightier than the mighty waves of the sea.

At first I smiled that the Lord would have this passage in my Bible reading the week I’m at the beach. He’s so good that way! Then I just sat and soaked in the amazing truth of it. I knew He had directed this to me at this time for a reason and I wanted to have it blazed on my brain for the coming days and weeks when I’d be back to the real world. You know, that world of routine and demand and schedules and tasks to accomplish and work to be done. But He’s the God that reigns in that world too, and it’s just as beautiful although in a different way because He is the God of it. It’s all ordered by Him and I can trust Him with it. That may sound somewhat fatalistic or even casual to some but it really is that simple. I’m not saying it’s always easy to do, but simple just the same.

Now, I’m back to the banks…if only in my mind. “The Lord reigns…the Lord is mightier than the noise of many waters, yes, than the mighty waves of the sea.”

Grandbaby Tour 2012

It’s slowly slipping into fall, that beautiful contemplative time of year. You know, when you can grab a cup of hazelnut or pumpkin spice coffee, sit down near a window and just enjoy the color and the quiet. And where do my thoughts go? Back to the summer. And what a whirlwind summer it was! My dear friend Val was the one that dubbed it the 2012 Grandbaby Tour. The grandbabies have certainly been coming, and coming quickly and close together for the last few years. Our oldest, turning 8 in just a few days remarked recently, “There was only two born in this round, Grammy”. Made me smile. She’s heard me refer to the cycles the babies have been born in as “rounds of four”!

The “tour” actually started in April when we made a quick trip up to Indiana to see oldest son Joshua and family; wife Christina, Gabe, Zeke and Josie. They relocated to Warsaw in late February from Utah and we could hardly wait to be able to drive to see them since we always had to fly before! It has always helped me to see where the kids are, where they live, learn about the area they are in, their ministry. It helps me feel more connected when we talk or see pictures. Did I say kids??? Is that typical?? Josh is 31 now with 3 children; Daniel is 30 with 4 children; Aaron is 28 with 4 children; and Seth is 26 with 3 children…yep, my kids. I guess they will always be “the boys” to me, or “the kids” which includes their beautiful wives. My four wonderful sons and their precious families; I’m so grateful. And now all these grandchildren! They make life so full and fun! As full and fun as it was, and continues to be for that matter, to be mom, it is multiplied over and over with the addition of grandchildren!

At the end of May and early June, once Jordan finished the school year, we headed to Texas to see Aaron and Martha and fam, Elisha, Arya, Emma, and the newest born early May, Adley Renee’. Jordan is the 16 year old “daughter” that has come into our home and hearts as part of the family now. The ‘tour’ was also an opportunity for her to get to know ‘the brothers’ and rest of the family better. She did much of the driving too and saw parts of the country she has never seen. It was a great trip. It was also the first time seeing where Aaron and Martha are now living and ministering. Whew! is Dallas a big and busy city! Although they live in Plano, their church is in south Dallas. We rode the commuter train into Dallas to the zoo…we love zoos!! After a super visit…always too short…we left for home, but decided to do so via Atlanta for a quick overnight stop with Seth and Rebecca. Coming into west Atlanta from interstate 20 was so beautiful! And Jordan was able to chalk up even more states traveled through.

In July it was back up to Indiana, this time for the installation service for Josh as the new pastor of Community Bible Church. Not only did Jordan make this trip, but we took Makenzie and Elijah with us, the two oldest grandchildren and Grandma Harding came along too. In Utah when Dan and Steph still lived there and ministered together with Josh and Christina, the cousins were practically inseparable. So it was priceless to see the looks on Gabe and Zeke’s faces when they saw their cousins! And they had quite the adventure in “the cat barn”…another story for another time. It ended with everyone needing a shower and having to wash their clothes, including Poppy once they were found. I’ll leave you to imagine! Then there was story time with Grammy to learn a valuable lesson.

The ‘tour’ ended with a trip to Atlanta at the end of August to be with Seth and Rebecca after the birth of their third, another little girl Evelyn Josephine. Isn’t that beautiful? You should hear big brother Ephraim say it; “This is my new baby sister Evelyn Josephine.” Side note: the daughter-in-laws middle names have been used with each other’s daughters, and I think it’s the coolest thing! Maybe because it is a blessing to my heart to know the sister-in-laws love each other and enjoy spending time with each other so much. Rare and sweet! Rog left me for a week to help with Ephraim and Ellie while Rebecca recovered. My what a special time. What a joy to be able to be able to help my kids.

Well, coffee is gone. The afternoon has slipped away. My thoughts turn to autumn and how quickly it is approaching. It was just a year ago in October that our family was all together here at home in West Virginia. All the great-grands were even able to be here. The house was bursting at the seams! I don’t know when we’ll be able to make another ‘Tour’, or when we’ll even all be able to be together again. And I’m ok with that because I treasure the times we do have and have memories stored to hold onto. In the meantime, there are cell phones and picture texting and Skype and Facebook…thank God for technology!!

I’m ready to welcome another fall in all of its glory.

Spring!!

I’m loving this spring and even early summer-like weather! The spring showers, the flowers, the sunshine, even spring cleaning makes me smile and sing. Jonquils are blooming everywhere. And even though they may shrivel under yet another snow, they let me know warm weather is around the corner. Seeing them takes me back to my childhood when I welcomed the sight of them in the field behind our house, hundreds of them, wild and bright, their yellow blooms blowing in the breeze. It was magnetic!

Spring is about color. It’s about life. It’s about enjoying the beauty of the moment because it may not last long. It’s about hope that spring buds will turn into summer blossoms. God is about life, hope, and beauty and I see Him in every bloom, feel Him in every breeze and in the warmth of the sunshine. Even warm spring raindrops bring a soothing to my soul. The geese are pairing up around the pond. The birds are singing and pecking away in the yard. Things just seem to be perking up everywhere.

But with all the beauty, there are still the storms. There’s nothing quite like a spring storm and the light show it brings. Yes, even the storms have their own kind of beauty.

Just yesterday we went up toward Summersville . Our first stop was an overlook by Summersville Lake. We grabbed a picnic table, pulled out the chicken wings and potato wedges and just enjoyed the view. Soon we could see dark clouds moving across the water. We finished eating, I took a couples’ picture, (the fellas thought that was “weird” because last weekend on an outing a couple asked me to take their picture by the waterfall on Kaymore Trail; one of the boys remarked about how people trust me with their phone or camera to take a picture and that maybe I should start charging!! too funny) and we headed to our next stop, a civil war battlefield, Carnifex Ferry Battlefield Park. We explored a trail, trekked across the battlefield from graves to bunkers, from farmhouse headquarters to a cannon used in reenactments; a fun and educational afternoon. By the time we were headed for the van, we felt a few sprinkles. We hadn’t gone far when it began to pour. Twenty minutes later as we exited off the highway the boys asked if we thought we’d see a rainbow…we had talked about them the night before in our devotion time. When we made the turn, there it was! A beautiful rainbow brightened the sky behind us as the clouds lifted and the rain stopped. You would have thought no one had ever seen one before! God was so kind to remind us of His goodness and the blessing of knowing Him with this beautiful display. And God sent it while it was fresh in their minds; it was one of those “I’ll remember this" moments.

Flip flops, capris, freshly mown grass…spring has sprung. Now, bring on the summer!

“The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come…”
Song of Solomon 2:12

Grammy's Thoughts

I’m a grandmother.

I was out shopping with a couple of our “ranch” guys recently and we were in a bookstore. After a few minutes one of them came over to me and excitedly handed me his find. He smiled rather smugly when he said, “I think this is something you would like Ms. Ang!” “Oh I would, would I?” It was a very nice Bible…A Grandmother’s Bible, the cover read…in LARGE PRINT. Well, he was right, I did like it. It was beautiful. And in a few years even though I would still be able to see it I wouldn’t be able to LIFT it!!

It was a pleasant reminder though, of the fact that I am now most blessed to be a grandmother. And EVERYONE that knows me well, knows it too (somehow)!

A couple of days later when my son Dan had to take his wife Steph, to see a doctor, I drove in from work at the ranch (children’s home where my husband and I parent 10 boys ages 10 to 18) to watch the kids and pick up Jordan from school (a 16 year-old young lady living with us since November). And yes, that means Rog was left at the ranch for a bit with all “the guys”, and he didn’t mind a bit . After picking up Jordan, I decided to run by Walmart and pick up a few things to get them through the next few days while Steph was not feeling well. Once in the store, Jordan went one direction for a couple of things, and I took the four younger ones and headed in another. An elderly gentlemen (eyesight must have been bad) passed us and said, “Whoo…you have four young children, you have your hands full!” Makenzie, 7, was singing and walking along beside me on my left. Elijah, 6, was in the cart, “lovingly” poking his finger at Faith, nearly 3, trying to hold on to the cart on my right and emphatically telling him “STOP!” Little Lily, 14 months, was bouncing up and down in the seat, announcing her desire for a banana! Now, what made him think I had my hands full, I’m not sure.
“Grandchildren, actually”, I replied with a smile. My first thought was, “I’m a grandmother, thank you!”, somewhat put-out that it wasn’t obvious that I was a “Grammy”. It took me a moment to realize he had probably just unknowingly given me a compliment! I chuckled at myself.
How I do love being a grammy! Being a mom was, and still is, the greatest. All the early years of caring for, nurturing, teaching, training, correcting, molding, enjoying the joyful experience of all that a mom is, and then they give you grandchildren!
“Grandchildren are God’s gift for not killing your children!”
Josh and Christina gave me a plaque with this little quote on it one year for Christmas. It makes me laugh, and it holds a bit of truth in its humorous intent. But I’ve not been able to accurately describe just yet, especially in one quick quip, that feeling down inside when you see the sweet face, here the laughs, feel the warmth of the hugs, look into their eyes, and see something of your very own children, and a small part of you! It’s just incredible.

As much as I wanted to be all that God would have me be as a wife and mother, as a grandmother I want that as well. I want my grandchildren to see Jesus at every turn. I want them to know Him.
And as their grandparents, I know the Lord would have Roger and me provide them with love, support, guidance, wisdom and the experiences of a life commitment to Christ as we have opportunity.

“Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life; but teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons.” Deuteronomy 4:9

Roger and I are so grateful for the parents God has given our grandchildren, and we give God glory for the wonderful, godly parents they all are. The fact that they are now rearing their children to know and love the Lord, using His Word as their greatest guide to parenting, is not so much a tribute to us as some have thoughtfully suggested, but more a testimony to God’s great grace and His faithfulness. He is faithful to His Word. His ways are best, and we enjoy the blessings of children that are experiencing a Christ-centered and blessed life because they have taken God at His Word for themselves. He is real and personal to them. It is what they live and believe, not just what mom and dad lived and believed. And they are intentionally and purposefully, passing this on to their own children now. Plus, our grandchildren have such a heritage, not just with us but with their other grandparents as well. We are truly blessed to have the daughter-in-laws (they’re simply daughters to us!), and the in-laws (extended family) that we have. They too, are parents that desired and determined to see their children walk in God’s ways. We enjoy the relationship of ONE LARGE FAMILY, having been received and accepted, loved and appreciated by each other. And much to the surprise of some folks, we all enjoy spending time together!! This is something else we want the grandchildren to know...they are SO LOVED by SO MANY!! Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins…the extended family is alive and well and thriving with this crew!!!

I’m a grandmother, and Rog a “Poppy”, but we are still parenting. First, our own in a different and even more privileged way if that’s possible, now that they are adults. The role is different, the approach and responsibility is different, but it is still parenting, and a great joy. Then, there are others that God brings into our lives, either through our job here at New River Ranch, or through the church, and even those He would still have us open our home to. Every child that comes into this world is a gift from God and to be cherished and taught. “Children are a gift from the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). If The Creator gave them life, no matter the circumstances, He has a plan waiting to be discovered. It is His desire for them to know and love Him. If we can be used in some way to see that desire become a reality, then we are grateful and trust Him to enable and empower us to do it.

I’m a rather excitable, passionate person. I get excited about the things I love! So it stands to reason that I’d be a doting, sometimes rather dramatic grandmother. Pictures on my phone, pictures on my fridge, coloring book pages, and just coloring, on my walls; handwritten notes, cards, tiny tokens of love all around the house that I treasure; they represent relationships. Life is about relationships.

And the icing on the cake??? Did I mention I am a grandmother? Twelve beautiful, unique persons call us Grammy and Poppy, and we look forward excitedly to the arrival of two more this summer! And it’s a delight to be affectionately called Mom and/or Grammy, and Aunt Angie and Uncle Roger I might add, by a number of others who are not of our own flesh and blood, but definitely family to us in the ways that matter most.

I’m a grandmother!

Absolutely Abandoned

I found myself thinking today of why it's harder some days than others to live completely abandoned to Jesus. Am I the only one that struggles with feelings of failure, this disappointment with myself in having disappointed my Savior? Sure, I keep my chin up; it doesn't cripple me, but that is only because I'm constantly walking in His love (I keep going, knowing He loves me without condition), keenly aware of His grace and the fact that without Him I can do nothing (John 15). I'm crying out to God, often moment by moment, for His help, His mercy, the ability to trust Him more, a joyful acceptance of His ways especially when I don't understand; the ability to banish fears, the ability to love the way He loves, the ability to set aside all the surface stuff and just be consumed with all that He is. When the flesh (the part of me that would live consumed with self without God) rears it's ugly head, an all-out battle begins. Utter abandonment to Jesus is all that saves me from utter wretchedness.


Absolute abandonment Lord,
it’s what you want from me all along.
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.

Content to stay and face the daily grind
Is not my heart’s honest condition
But to ask and seek is to find
And when I lay it all on the line
The Father gently smiles on my submission.

Absolute abandonment,
Why did I resist you for so long?
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.

What’s ahead if I let go?
Is it for me to even know?
Abandoned to His love I’m in His arms.

His will is where I find my resting place.
Why wrestle with a God so wise and strong?
I know His love’s surrounding me
It’s where I know I want to be
My soul is done with this struggle hard and long.

Absolute abandonment,
It’s what you’ve wanted from me all along
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.

Desiring Rest

Is it really August?? I find myself shaking my head in unbelief these days as time continues to fly by, and realize how tired I am. Rest. .. I had one of the most restful days at home recently in a long time...months. It was one of those quiet, lazy days, nowhere to rush off to. Much needed sleep, some sun-soaking, some reading, a little TV (Monk, my favorite! I can just so relate to him!). Then, it was back to reality.

Maybe it was because I had so immensely enjoyed the respite. My mind seemed to be in gear, though the body was still lagging a bit. Well, maybe the mind wasn't all there either, but regardless, I was back to the fast-paced demands of my daily responsibilities.

It didn't take long back in "the thick of things" and the pressure started to mount. In addition to the mounting pressures and demands, an oppression began to creep over me. I fought through, praying, holding on to Scripture. Before going to bed, I flipped on the TV and Joyce Myers was on. I was reminded of how important the peace of God is and how directly related it is to the power available to me through Christ. Without the power of Christ resting on me, without resting in Him, I am rendered useless, weak, and ineffective.

I know this, so what was the problem? How was it that the restful bliss I enjoyed just yesterday had so quickly escaped me? I was craving it again, rest. “Oh that I had wings like a dove; I would fly away and be at rest”, the psalmist cried (Psalms 55:6). No, flying away was not the answer, but I could identify with the longing of the psalmist in those words. But, fly to Jesus! Now that was possible!
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” Matthew 11:29
Learn of me, Jesus says, and you will find rest…”unto your souls”. When the soul is at rest, all is well. No one had more demands on him than Jesus in the course of a day. He admonished his disciples to “come apart awhile”. Physical and emotional rest is necessary. But he also met these demands through prayer and dependence on His Father. So must I. A wise friend once told me, “Ang, God will never expect more from you than you are able to accomplish with His enablement, but man will.” Has that ever proven true! Learning to say no…I’ll save that for another day.
I fly to Jesus on a moment by moment basis. If I don’t, I’m quickly wearied spiritually. I appropriate His peace through thinking on His Word and trying to apply His principles of living…learning of Him and how he would deal with pressures, deal with people, juggle a sometimes exhausting schedule. I listen to music that encourages and uplifts, helps direct my thoughts. I pray. In other words, in times when physical rest is just not possible, and the “outward man is perishing” (2 Corinthians 4:16), I rest internally. And I resolve that by the grace of God
I will remain calm.
I will draw on joy for strength.
I will be at peace, for He is my peace.
I will rest in Him the Restorer and Refresher of my soul.
He is my Strong Tower, my Refuge.
He is my Rock, solid and unchanging.
He is Rest.

So, are there days I would love for my only worry in the world to be “if the tide will reach my chair”? (thank you Zac Brown Band for those happy thoughts!) Believe me, I enjoy those times as much as the next person and am grateful for every one of them. Sand, sky, ocean breezes…I think of them often. And even though that’s not my life most days, life is good, and comes with all the Rest in the world!

Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
For You have rescued my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
My feet from stumbling. Psalm 116: 7-8

Do you see it?

This Christmastide will soon be past. I know I will need to move into all the New Year will bring, but for now I’m still simply enjoying the season for what it is. Though it’s not the official festival the English celebrate, I love this week between Christmas and New Year’s. It’s the wind- down time I need. After all, I’ve been in a holiday state-of-mind since Thanksgiving! Actually it starts early October with my love for pumpkins and fall color. It’s a beautiful build-up to Thanksgiving that naturally leads into a month-long celebration of Emmanuel, God with us. Christmas. What more beautiful way to end the year?

Then again, all the seasons have a certain inspiring appeal for me and I enjoy living where they can all be experienced; the freshness and green of spring, the sultry nights of summer and its soft pastels, the invigorating chill and color of fall, and winter with its snowy days to cozy up to the fire with a good book and hazelnut coffee. I don’t know that I noticed as much when I was younger. But there were places even then that brought a “wow” feeling that I knew I didn’t want to lose or forget and hoped I’d experience again. The ocean was always like this for me. The sensations, the sounds…I could sit on the beach at dusk or early morning and know that regardless of how crazy life around me was, God was near. It still does this for me. I sensed it also on a mountain path overlook, or on the bank of a country stream hearing the water trickle over the rocks. And the differing seasons just enhanced the experiences.

As my relationship with my Creator has grown over the years, so has my appreciation for His handiwork. It awes me, everything from snow on red berry bushes to a spectacular sunset over the sound. I must admit there are still annoyances and inconveniences…like being snowed in with no power for days in the winter, mosquitoes, or high humidity in the summer that makes it difficult to breathe. But as my appreciation has grown, so has my ability to check myself if the annoyances or inconveniences try to gain the upper hand. There’s just too much beauty all around to waste it with apathy. Shortly after moving to West Virginia I would find myself admiring the mountains as they came into view as I drove down the one stretch of road between town and home. I wondered if people that lived here all their lives tired of them, or got to the point where they weren’t noticed anymore. Well, we’ve lived here sixteen years now and I haven’t tired of them. And we continue to seek out places we haven’t explored along with enjoying those familiar places we’ve come to love.

Sound like a commercial for Travel West Virginia? No, just random rambling. Blame it on the reflective and contemplative impact of the season. I embrace that, I don’t avoid it. There’s such a connection between what I choose to see in my surroundings and what I feel and think. I’ve tried to pass that on to my children, and now my grandchildren, to see the beauty and the blessings in everything. God has expressed Himself so magnificently in His Creation in both goodness and beauty.

I don’t want to miss out by not noticing.

Perfect Hatred

The Scripture speaks of “hating with a perfect hatred”. Theologians undoubtedly have explained it. I’m not sure I fully understand it but sometimes I’m sure I feel it.

Consider Psalms 139:21-22; “Do not I hate them O Lord that hate Thee? And am not I grieved with those that rise up against Thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.”

Yes, I can feel it sometimes, but I quickly give it back to God because, in my raw emotion, to hold on to it would only fuel feelings better left with Him. My human hatred would be far from “perfect” and would likely be misdirected, unleashed on individuals rather than a world of failed, deceptive systems. It seems there’s always a ‘system’ at work that is supposed to have all the answers…a government system, an education system, a social services system, even a religious system. Even with all the good people out there and great programs available, they unfortunately fall miserably short of ever being able to meet humanity’s greatest need, a love-relationship with their Creator.

More importantly, the Enemy is not my cranky neighbor, or the teen with the purple hair and smart mouth, or the woman behind the desk whose hands are tied. It’s not even the cashier that sabotages my order at McDonald’s. How do you confuse mocha with caramel anyway?? But this isn’t about me being personally offended or needing a platform to strike back.

I look in the eyes of a teen that harbors a hardness of heart; I walk by a parked car in a parking lot and hear the foul language and the harshness and the meanness pouring from an adult’s mouth toward another, especially a child. I see the places people live, not because they have to but because they choose to, in the filth, the perversion, the drinking and drugging, the reckless sex, the noncommittal relationships, the materialism and pleasure-seeking. It’s the nothing-really-matters place, the until-something-better-comes-along place, the mind-your-own-business place, the going-nowhere-fast place. The grieving, the heaviness, like someone died… it’s there again; I’m incensed with the product of sin and selfishness, wickedness and a no-God-consciousness glaring me in the face.

I often even feel it rising to the surface when I see the carelessness and complacency of believers, those that won’t rely on the Word and the Spirit of God to draw them to Christlikeness. Rather, they’re allowing themselves to be strongly influenced by the world’s systems, their way of thinking. They’re slowly swallowing the philosophy of self-centeredness, the “it’s all about me” mentality. They can’t handle the thought of not being accepted, of appearing to be weird or outdated in their thinking, of not going along, fitting in or adapting to current trends. There’s a fear of questions being raised about their actions and attitudes, or about having a firm belief in anything and especially God. Everything has to be situational, or else there’s no way out when cornered to commit. Christ is Truth, yet truth is so lightly regarded. Self-importance is priority and will not allow for anything that might threaten it.

Yet, when they are weak and stumbling, being strangled by stress, or suffocating in the grip of some habit or desire, they wonder where God is. Worse yet, they see their children not having any desire to know God or live for Him and wonder why…the heaviness, there it is again. The hurt is even harder to handle, knowing there is a simple solution. Simple, yes, but costly. As in Jesus’ day there are some not willing to pay the price to follow Him (Mark 8:34; John 6:66-67).

Is there anything positive this “hatred” can accomplish? Yes, and there is a glorious dimension to it. It is to pray and trust and give and serve and live for Christ instead of dwelling on the darkness. It is to wait and expect and be excited to see the power of unconditional love take hold and begin to melt a hard heart; it is to watch as the saving grace of Christ is appropriated and a life is changed; it is the thrill when God intervenes on behalf of His children and miracles happen! It’s the peace that comes with a quiet acceptance of the sovereignty of God, an understanding of His love and care that is difficult to explain but divinely intoxicating to experience. It’s to praise Him and be genuinely thankful when others come to know Him as you do.

A perfect God with perfect hatred will mete out perfect justice in His perfect time. I give my hatred to Him. I am grateful for His perfect love. Others can know His perfect love. It’s so perfect and real that it overwhelms me. Righteous hatred births humility, unconditional love, and a burning passion for others to know and live for the Savior.


“You who love the LORD, hate evil!” Psalm 97: 10 NKJV