I found myself thinking today of why it's harder some days than others to live completely abandoned to Jesus. Am I the only one that struggles with feelings of failure, this disappointment with myself in having disappointed my Savior? Sure, I keep my chin up; it doesn't cripple me, but that is only because I'm constantly walking in His love (I keep going, knowing He loves me without condition), keenly aware of His grace and the fact that without Him I can do nothing (John 15). I'm crying out to God, often moment by moment, for His help, His mercy, the ability to trust Him more, a joyful acceptance of His ways especially when I don't understand; the ability to banish fears, the ability to love the way He loves, the ability to set aside all the surface stuff and just be consumed with all that He is. When the flesh (the part of me that would live consumed with self without God) rears it's ugly head, an all-out battle begins. Utter abandonment to Jesus is all that saves me from utter wretchedness.
Absolute abandonment Lord,
it’s what you want from me all along.
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.
Content to stay and face the daily grind
Is not my heart’s honest condition
But to ask and seek is to find
And when I lay it all on the line
The Father gently smiles on my submission.
Absolute abandonment,
Why did I resist you for so long?
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.
What’s ahead if I let go?
Is it for me to even know?
Abandoned to His love I’m in His arms.
His will is where I find my resting place.
Why wrestle with a God so wise and strong?
I know His love’s surrounding me
It’s where I know I want to be
My soul is done with this struggle hard and long.
Absolute abandonment,
It’s what you’ve wanted from me all along
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.
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