I had begun to question my love for the children that God has entrusted to Rog and me to care for. I can't help but get attached, personally involved; I can't help but love them. And when they make poor choices, I hurt for them, but don't tire of them. It only serves to increase my awareness of their great need, and I love them even more. But when they leave, often with no notice, no closure, it's very difficult.
Most don't understand the tears. And because they come often, some might be tempted to see me as an emotional mess. It was the same when I was teaching. In fact, another teacher once told me I'd be much better off to distance myself from the children (whatever that means), and just enjoy teaching the material. But I wasn't there to simply teach material. I was there to teach children.
Still, I understand the need to keep a balance and let the Spirit of God rule rather than my emotions. I felt in my heart this was true for me, but needed the reassurance from the Word to quiet my heart and keep me from discouragement. I needed to know that my feelings had not been able to overshadow my judgment, as strong as they sometimes could be.
So, I opened my Bible for my morning devotions, and there was the answer I had been asking the Lord for. "Do you love me? ...Feed my sheep" John 21:15-17. After reading the passage, a pointed question in Our Daily Bread for the day got my attention; "Jesus didn't ask Peter if he loved His sheep, but if he loved Him." Once Peter affirmed his love for Christ, he was told to feed His sheep.
Loving Jesus with all my heart, and allowing Him to love them through me, deepens my love from simply an emotion to a purposeful action of Christ Himself. It provides the balance and the motivation to continue loving, in spite of the hurt, in spite of the misunderstanding.
All at once I knew that if I ever lost this passion, it would be my love for Christ that would first be in question, not my love for others. And that's not what I ever want to happen. So, to keep it all in perspective I will return to this question often..."Do you love me?"
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Camping by the Waters
What a flurry of activity we have had this summer! School will be starting in just a couple of weeks. We started the summer with Seth and Rebecca's wedding over Memorial weekend, and a precious time with all the family. We've experienced the excitement of the news that two new grandbabies are on the way - Aaron and Martha in October, and Josh and Christina in February. The month of June was just a blur as we spent extended time "on cottage" at the ranch so that all other staff could rotate their vacation times as well. Then, 4th of July festivities, Ashley and Adam's wedding and Bible school which included time with our twin nephews. July was also the beginning of Operation De-clutter I started calling it...a time of cleaning house, complete with an ordered dumpster that we filled!
August began with another wedding (Tara and Jamie's), time with Brent and Tonia and a trip to River Valley Ranch in Md to see Aaron. He flew in from Maui for a week of teen camp as the speaker. How awesome to see him "in action" with the teens and their tremendous response to the messages and to him personally. They just love him. We would see him during the day with his Bible sitting on the bridge or a picnic table with a flock of teens around him, and just thank the Lord. It was also great to be back at RVR after a couple of summers, seeing the Lord working, and then visiting with some special people there. Because we were in Bible school over our
29th anniversary, Rog and I took an extra day for ourselves on the way back, making a stop at Harper's Ferry (visiting historical sights is one of our favorite things!)for the afternoon. We came home and returned to our projects here at home. After somewhat of a color dilemna, we went for a bold change in the living room and painted, chocolate and sage! Rog wondered why the shade of green, but we both love it! Now just the kitchen and downstairs to go!
On the ride home, we looked back over our summer and considered how wonderfully blessed we are. We also considered the news we received of a tragic death of a young man. Although we know God has a huge plan we don't often see, and some storms He simply allows for a greater purpose, we also thought about how powerful and impacting choices are. We made choices early on in our marriage to follow hard after the heart of God, and to make a determined effort to have our children come to know him and have a desire to serve Him. Those choices however, required follow through. They required a daily conscious decision to know God's Word and live by it as He enabled us by His grace. In other words, a life of blessing didn't just happen.
Exodus 15:26 says "If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the Lord thy God and wilt do that which is right in His sight, and wilt give ear to His commandments, and keep all His statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the God that healeth thee."
Have their been difficulties, wilderness times, hurt and heartbreak? Yes, but not because of God's judgment. We have missed out on the heartbreak of living outside His will, and the loss of peace and joy and provision and wisdom and all the other benefits He daily loads us with (Ps 68:19). This is all to the praise of His glory, because He is faithful to His Word. It is His great desire for all His children. The children of Israel were reminded of what the Egyptians had experienced at the hand of God. As one writer explains, "...the same hand that turned water into blood could turn bitter water into sweet. The same power that brought curses on Egypt could bring health to Israel" (Marvin Williams, ODB). In this passage of Scripture the children of Israel went from a place of "no water" (15:22) to "camping [there] by the waters."
"I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live; that thou mayest love the Lord thy God, and that thou mayest obey His voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto Him; for He is thy life, and the length of thy days..." (Deuteronomy 30:19-20).
I'm so grateful to be able to look back and praise God for a life of blessing (and even the hard times were His blessing), and the privilege to camp by the waters!
August began with another wedding (Tara and Jamie's), time with Brent and Tonia and a trip to River Valley Ranch in Md to see Aaron. He flew in from Maui for a week of teen camp as the speaker. How awesome to see him "in action" with the teens and their tremendous response to the messages and to him personally. They just love him. We would see him during the day with his Bible sitting on the bridge or a picnic table with a flock of teens around him, and just thank the Lord. It was also great to be back at RVR after a couple of summers, seeing the Lord working, and then visiting with some special people there. Because we were in Bible school over our
29th anniversary, Rog and I took an extra day for ourselves on the way back, making a stop at Harper's Ferry (visiting historical sights is one of our favorite things!)for the afternoon. We came home and returned to our projects here at home. After somewhat of a color dilemna, we went for a bold change in the living room and painted, chocolate and sage! Rog wondered why the shade of green, but we both love it! Now just the kitchen and downstairs to go!
On the ride home, we looked back over our summer and considered how wonderfully blessed we are. We also considered the news we received of a tragic death of a young man. Although we know God has a huge plan we don't often see, and some storms He simply allows for a greater purpose, we also thought about how powerful and impacting choices are. We made choices early on in our marriage to follow hard after the heart of God, and to make a determined effort to have our children come to know him and have a desire to serve Him. Those choices however, required follow through. They required a daily conscious decision to know God's Word and live by it as He enabled us by His grace. In other words, a life of blessing didn't just happen.
Exodus 15:26 says "If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the Lord thy God and wilt do that which is right in His sight, and wilt give ear to His commandments, and keep all His statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the God that healeth thee."
Have their been difficulties, wilderness times, hurt and heartbreak? Yes, but not because of God's judgment. We have missed out on the heartbreak of living outside His will, and the loss of peace and joy and provision and wisdom and all the other benefits He daily loads us with (Ps 68:19). This is all to the praise of His glory, because He is faithful to His Word. It is His great desire for all His children. The children of Israel were reminded of what the Egyptians had experienced at the hand of God. As one writer explains, "...the same hand that turned water into blood could turn bitter water into sweet. The same power that brought curses on Egypt could bring health to Israel" (Marvin Williams, ODB). In this passage of Scripture the children of Israel went from a place of "no water" (15:22) to "camping [there] by the waters."
"I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live; that thou mayest love the Lord thy God, and that thou mayest obey His voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto Him; for He is thy life, and the length of thy days..." (Deuteronomy 30:19-20).
I'm so grateful to be able to look back and praise God for a life of blessing (and even the hard times were His blessing), and the privilege to camp by the waters!
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