Overwhelmed, or Overshadowed

 “There are times in our lives when a death, a tragedy, or a sudden turn of events eclipses everything else.  It happened to an unmarried young woman who was told that she would become the mother of the promised Messiah, God’s Son (Luke 1:26-33)…The impossibility in Mary’s life was overshadowed not by darkness but by the brightness of God’s glory and power.  Her response continues to leave us in awe:  Let it be to me according to your word..v. 38.  Overshadowed…it speaks so powerfully of the Lord’s presence in our hearts and His ability to outshine the darkest moments.”  (excerpt from Our Daily Bread, November 22, 2013)

And here I was, thinking I was overwhelmed --and I have been recently.  But after reading this devotional and seeing the emphasis on ‘overshadowed’, I was flooded with gratitude.  Not for being overwhelmed.  That feeling is my own doing, a reaction to everything going on in my life lately.  But grateful to know that while I am feeling overwhelmed, I have also been overshadowed.  My great and gracious Father has overshadowed me with His love, His forgiveness, His help, His presence.  He also used people He has in my life right now to get my attention and remind me there is a better way than all that being overwhelmed can bring out in me. 

 
However deep the new low can go, he has shown me that His love is deeper. 

Overshadowed.  Isn’t it amazing the impact of one little word?  Rather than give in to being overwhelmed, I determine to remember that I am overshadowed.  And hopefully my “record low” will never be broken again.  If it was up to me, I’d be “overwhelmed” with even the thought of that possibility. I know my weaknesses, my tendencies.   But, because of Him…well, it’s definitely possible.  So I start today working towards that goal once again, of not allowing the circumstances of life, the overwhelmed feelings, to control me.  I will not focus on whether or not I will fail again, but on Jesus. 

 

For with God nothing will be impossible” Luke 1:37 

 

 

Jesus You Are Near

For in Him we live and move and have our being.  Acts 17:28

This is one of my favorite verses of scripture.  It says it all.  I am nothing, He is everything.  He is the giver of life.  I cannot bring life into existence; I cannot take life away.  That is within the life-giving power of His great hands.  If I, or anyone, has life, it is because of Him.

This prayer by Gwen Ford Faulkenberry confesses that very thought:

             “Jesus You are nearer than my next breath.  You never take Your eyes off me.  Every moment of my day I am held in Your nail-scarred hands.  Since nothing comes into my life that doesn’t’ pass through You first, help me Lord, to trust in You.”

So, knowing and believing the very truth of His Word, that we live and move and have our being in Him, I have no problem understanding or accepting that my next breath comes from Him.  But to read these words in light of the past few months, the past few days…”Jesus, You are nearer than my next breath.” I could only sigh, and say “oh God” in humble gratitude.

Dr. Jernigan, Ephraim's pediatrician/nephrologist
with him since before he was born

Veronica, Ephraim's living donor

How near He has been, giving us wisdom and moving us forward as we pursued the purchase of the farm…Hope Springs (and it does!); how near He has been enabling me to trust Him when everything in me wanted to crumble at the thought of my grandson going on dialysis when his kidney failed…it just wasn’t what I had planned for him and my son and his wife to have to go through.  They had already gone through so much in the last four years.  But oh how God has been glorified in his little life these last four years.  God chose to breathe life into him against all odds, and has sustained him to this point.  On this past Thursday, October 24, Ephraim was given a chance at life again as God provided “the perfect kidney” through another of His dear children, Veronica Shelton. 

 

 

In Him we live and move and have our being.  It is true.  We have lived it, especially in this last week.  On Saturday, October 26, our oldest son and his wife gave birth to their fourth beautiful baby, a girl…Madalyn Kate…our 15^th grandchild!  Just one more great and gracious testimony to the truth that God is the great Life-giver.  It couldn’t have come at a more precious time.  When Christina became pregnant, no one had any idea that Ephraim would have this transplant as late as October.  In May, when he had to go on dialysis we prayed it wouldn’t be long.  But it was as long as it needed to be, and God saw fit to have these two life-giving events in our family coincide.  

 

 

 

Elisha with his dad, Aaron who had the
pleasure of baptizing him.

And the icing on the on the cake??  The ultimate event to attest to God’s great life-giving nearness? Another grandson, six year old Elisha called on the way home from church to share some awesome news!  “Grammy, I got baptized today!”  He had called some time ago to tell us he had given his heart to Jesus.  But now, to be baptized?  He had given ample indication of his understanding and desire to show everyone, being obedient and sealing this decision, that he now belonged to Jesus.  Gratitude swelled!!  Glory, and God be praised! 

 

There will be a few more bumps in the road I am sure as we travel along.  But life is so good!  And with God, the great Life-giver, it is great! 

 

My Beloved

You are nearer…

Than the sun that pours through my window at dawn,

Warming me, waking me--inviting me into the new day.

You are nearer…

Than the cool water that I splash on my face

Tingling and sparkling in my skin…refreshing me.

You are nearer…

Than the outside air and the wind that blows

Through my hair--awakening my soul

To the beauty around me and the beauty of life.

You are nearer…

Than the gentle warmth

Of the firelight--softening, illuminating, and soothing

You give me satisfaction and peace

At the end of a day well spent

And, when my head falls softly onto the pillow at night

You are nearer…

Than the moon and stars above me,

Watching over me,

Lighting the world.

Jesus, You are nearer than my next breath.

You never take Your eyes off me.

Every moment of my day I am held in Your nail-scarred hands.

Since nothing comes into my life that doesn’t pass through You first,

Help me, Lord, to trust in You.

                                                                        Gwen Ford Falkenberry, Jesus Be Near Me

 

 

Birthdays, and just Days

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work with in us, to Him be glory..." Ephesians 3:20-21

A small but oh so meaningful gift, just peanuts really (literally!); an amazing miracle; a much needed hug; an answer to prayer; a funny card; a quick kiss…birthdays, or just days.  I can choose to celebrate life or just live a miserable, complaining, ungrateful, pity-party existence. 

 Yesterday was my husband’s 53^rd birthday. It did not go by unnoticed or uncelebrated, but it wasn’t all I wanted it to be either. He gives so much.  Life can get so stinkin’ complicated, and I let it overwhelm me. Then again,  relationships matter to me ALL the time, and I make a point to try to let people know how much I love them in the moment, especially my family and friends because I’m not one of those wonderful ladies that manage to keep track of every special day and plan accordingly.  That’s not an excuse, well, actually it is and not a very good one.  I envy those people, because however big or small the gesture, it can be such an encouragement. It’s just that, when I try to be like that, I fail miserably.  And as if that’s not enough, even when I want to show how much I care I let daily distractions win out all too often.

 

I’m so grateful my husband is patient and kind.  He’s a simple man that is happy with simple shows of love and appreciation.  He’s confident enough, and very grateful for a family that he knows loves him.  So, it is not unusual to hear him say often, as he did last night before falling asleep, “we have such a great family!”

Yesterday Stephanie, our daughter (in-law)made Roger his favorite cake, German Chocolate. 

The three  grandchildren bought gifts with their own money for Poppy…cashews and one of his favorite green teas.  They also made him birds (he loves birds)out of origami.  Is that cool or what? . 

He received a video text from another daughter (in-law).  It was one of our hearing impaired granddaughters signing and singing Happy Birthday.  Precious!! 

And then last night, Ephraim, our 4 year-old grandson waiting kidney transplant called.  He was home from the hospital after yet another long and scary day, and he wanted to wish Poppy a Happy Birthday!  Just hearing his voice on the phone after the week he has had, well, it brought a lump to my throat. 

Earlier, we looked at a picture posted by another daughter (in law) of the grandkids in a corn box, and we had to laugh out loud at the antics, especially of one!  Each of the boys (and their fams)let him know in their own unique ways that he was in their thoughts, and that he is loved. 

Birthdays will come and go.  Days will continue to be full and crazy.  Transplant has been scheduled for October 24^th, and we are making plans to be with Seth and Rebecca during this time.  Our oldest son and his sweet wife will likely be having our 15^th grandchild that same week.  She is due the 21^st.  Jordan has another round of shots scheduled for the 21^st in preparation for her senior trip to the Dominican Republic.  She has gotten her driver’s license this week and there are other “senior biggies” on the horizon that we want to share with her.  I feel the weight on the shoulders of a close friend who sees her daddy’s health failing after a serious hospital stay.  She’s spending all the time she can with him and helping her mom.  It’s a difficult time.  I wish I could do more to help her get through this time. 

I can’t imagine my life being any other way.  I know you feel the same.  Most of you are living the same!!! And believe me, I pray for you individually and regularly.  You know who you are!  And some of you might be surprised to know how often you come to mind. 

Life is good.  It’s hard sometimes, but it’s still good because God is good.  And He’s big.  So,so big.  As overwhelmed as I can get in a day, His love overwhelms me more.  Sometimes I just sit still and wallow in it.  And as other precious friends and family pray and encourage in the many ways they do, I am tangibly touched.  I can fail miserably, and knowing His love is still there brings me back to try again.  I can “feel” inadequate and undeserving, but that’s just one way I “know” His love is real. He is bigger than how I feel. 

I wouldn’t make it as a birthday planner that’s for sure.  But Jesus makes every day worth celebrating.

I choose to celebrate. 

About Falling and Flying

It’s funny how falling flat on your face can be just the thing you need to get you back on your feet, standing strong, and humbled.  The expression, “that knocked me off my feet!”, well, I experienced it this week, literally. 

Tilly, our Australian Shepherd pup, was on her runner attached to ‘her’ tree.  It’s her favorite spot in the yard.  I was leaving, headed back to the ranch for the week and had my hands full…computer, tote bag, purse…making my way to the  Jeep.  I walked past her on the asphalt, not thinking…though I knew…that she could reach that far.  Before I knew it she was wrapped around my feet, had me lassoed.  Then with a quick yank, down I went.  She had pulled my feet right out from under me!  With nothing to break my fall, it was hello asphalt!

I feel that way often, like I’ve had my feet yanked out from under me.  It’s the unexpected news, the unexpected situation that arises, the unexpected expectation or responsibility that lands in my lap; the unexpected moment that demands a split second decision.  For a while I’m flying high feeling like I’ve got the bull by the horns so to speak, got it all under control, after all, I’m Wonder Woman!  And then wham! I’m falling flat on my face. 

But it’s not a bad place to b, when God is there to catch me and pick me back up when I cry out to Him.  I found myself this week “falling”.  I was no longer in control, I couldn’t change the situation.  I couldn’t change the behaviors and attitudes of the ones I was dealing with. Nothing I said seemed to be making a difference.  The boys (here in our children’s home) were angry, provoking each other, and it was just exploding, affecting everyone.  All of a sudden, I didn’t want to be there.  I didn’t want to continue to try to minister to these boys.  I didn’t want to try to instruct, teach, parent, counsel, help them work through it, help them see a better way.  In the midst of the morning verbal brawl, one young was trying to take care of the dishwasher and I snapped.  He caught my fury!  “What are you doing?  That doesn’t go there!  Now look at this mess!” And I burst into tears!!  I left them all silent and dumbfounded, him at the dishwasher, the others at the dining room table.  I was crying and upset because the dishwasher wasn’t loaded right??

Oh well, one day maybe they’ll get it.  Usually what a woman is crying about is not what she’s really crying about, and this was one of those times.  But I went to the bedroom, fell across the bed, and wept, asking God first of all to forgive me for not wanting to be where He wanted me to be.  For letting it all get to me.  For not remembering that it’s not me and anything that I can say or do to change hearts anyway!  I cannot control every situation. Sometimes, especially in the environment we’re in, things are gonna get a little crazy! 

No, I’m not always in control, but God is.  It’s humbling to step back and remove myself emotionally from the situation sometimes, but it’s necessary.  Maybe a day doesn’t hold what I thought it would after a phone call changes the plans I had!  But that’s ok because I’m not in control, God is.  So I can do this. 

Not because I’m “Wonder Woman”, but because He is Wonderful. 

 

“Help me rest in Your embrace today and keep me humble in my spirit, that I may be gentler, meeker, quietly stronger. More like You.”  (Gwen Ford Faulkenberry, Jesus Be Near Me)

 

Humble in my spirit…yep, even if that means using a puppy to cause me to fall flat on my face!  Even if it means allowing dishwasher duty to bring me to tears! Thank you Lord for wiping away my tears and catching me when I fall.

 

“The Eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms” Deuteronomy 33:27

My crazy wonderful life!

I shot a text back to a friend with these words, then stopped to read what I wrote.  It made me smile to think about all it means to have and live my crazy wonderful life.  From allergies to alpacas…yes, alpacas…this has definitely been one crazy summer.   

Jordan just had her wisdom teeth out and ended up with dry sockets; this meant trips to the oral surgeon’s office 3 times a week.  One of the technicians, someone I knew from years ago but hadn’t seen in a long while, was surprised and asked, “when did you get a girl??!”  She and her husband knew us when our kids were all growing up together and knew we had all boys.  My first thought was, “my crazy wonderful life, do we really have time for me to tell you how we ended up with a girl!!” I just shared that Jordan became a part of the family nearly two years ago and left it at that.  Jordan had to get back to school! 

The Horse Barn

How quickly life happens.  I’m usually better off not having any warning when my life is about to take a major turn.  But I have found that God has His ways of preparing me even when I don’t quite know what He is preparing me for.  It was like that this summer with the purchase and move to our farm. 

Our search for different housing started several years ago.  Our needs had definitely changed as all the boys married, moved all over the country, and started having our grandchildren.  Then, Dan and Steph moved back from Utah with their three children and Steph was expecting.  I had begun to have problems with my hips and legs that doctors were having a difficult time diagnosing.  All I knew was that it was getting more and more painful to go up and down stairs and we were told to expect it o only get worse as I got older.  Next, Jordan entered the picture.  Our four bedroom two bath home was no longer adequate. 

While in Utah, Dan and Steph had become very interested in raising alpacas.  After educating  me about this creature and considering the possibilities, that became a part of the search criteria, the possibility of land, barns, etc…those things that would make it possible if that door opened, and we prayed. 

Boy did it open!  And rather suddenly.  In April, we found an incredible place that we knew held possibilities that we were yet to consider.  But after going to three banks, Rog was told the same thing each time; because the property had more than five acres and had two houses on it, it did not qualify for a traditional home mortgage…he would have to do a farm loan which would require 20% down.  That was not an option for us.  But the last bank suggested the Farm Bureau.  Excited, he found the 25 acre property qualified, but he didn’t.  It required that he have at least three years’ experience actually  operating a farm.  Bummer.   

He called our realtor and gave him the news and we tried not to be too disappointed.  We had been looking for several years!  Nothing had been right, until now.  We had a hard time believing this was not the place the Lord had for us.  But we were content to trust Him knowing He might have something else altogether in mind. 

The next day our realtor called back.  He ran into a friend of his at yet another bank that mentioned a promotional program they were doing right now and asked us to talk with them.  Roger was hesitant at first after being told the same thing by three banks already.  But he decided it couldn’t hurt.  Not only did he qualify, the property qualified, but they would finance it 100%!  No money down!  We were floored.  From that point on it was like a snowball rolling downhill as we literally sat back and watched doors open and more than one person involved (banker, financial advisor, realtor, etc…) tell us this must be a “God thing”.  Indeed it was, and we were so grateful and humbled.  We just wanted to be able to see God do whatever He had planned with it all. 

Now, back to the alpacas.  Shortly after the closing I walked into a staff meeting at work and they were talking about us having purchased a farm.  One of the ladies asked, “Angela, what in the world are you all going to do with a farm?”  Another lady exclaimed, “They’re gonna raise llamas!”  Well, not quite.  So I explained that we were interested in possibly raising alpacas, as well as boarding some horses.  The next day, a dear lady called the ranch and told Karen, our office manager, that she had eight alpacas she was trying to find a home for.  After praying and looking for three weeks, she thought of the children’s home her church financially supported.  Karen explained that the ranch was not in a position to take them, but that one of the ranch staff couples just bought a farm and planned to raise none other than…alpacas!  Karen gave her our number, she called, we talked, I called Rog, we prayed…she prayed, and the next thing we know we have 8 alpacas.  Interestingly enough, we had closed, but weren’t planning to be able to move right away.  The folks we bought from were being delayed getting into the place they purchased, but when I called them, they were more than gracious about us getting those alpacas settled on the property!  So, they moved before we did! 

Well, we’re a month into the move and still trying to get everything out of the old place.  We found the farm in April, signed the contract in May, closed in July, moved in August and will hopefully have our  place ready to list by the end of September. 

The daily duties and other summer activities were not set aside in all the changes…Vacation Bible School, our 40^th anniversary celebration at church, school shopping for our 10 ranch guys and Jordan, visits from family and friends, a ranch trip to Carowinds, all the doctor’s visits for myself and Jordan to have her ready for her senior year and trip to the Dominican Republic; you know how it is, life just keeps moving along! 

We’re soon expecting our 15 grandchild, due to arrive in October to Josh and Christina.  We’ll be heading down to Atlanta when we get the call that our grandson Ephraim’s kidney transplant has been scheduled.  And I’m sure there will be other surprises, things that life will bring our way and that I’m sure are no surprise to God! 

After all, this crazy wonderful life of mine??  God’s got it all under control.  I just have to stay close to Him. 

Really Radical

“The greatest miracle of all time is that Jesus comes to people.” 

                                                                                Gwen Ford Faulkenberry, Jesus Be Near Me.


Wow!  That’s the first thought that came to me when I read this.  Then, I read it again, and again.  When I am so often focused on people coming to Jesus, this truth just ‘whammed’ me.  There are so many that are on my heart on a regular basis that need to come to Jesus.  I pray for them, I share with them when God gives opportunity.  Sometimes, because I just want so badly for them to know the Jesus that I know, the life I have with Him, how precious and awesome and wonderful it is, I lose sight of how hard it might be for some to see this as the simple and beautiful choice that it is.  I’m pretty sure I can come across too strongly at times. 

At the children’s home where we work, I am often sharing Scripture and bibilical truth when situations come up.  In the kitchen one evening, while preparing dinner and talking with one of our guys (the kitchen is my office! The guys know they can come in and talk), he blurted out, “Miss Ang, why does everything have to be a Sunday School lesson with you!”  This quickly became a standing joke with us, and many future conversations were prefaced with “….attention, Sunday School lesson!!”  This young man had recently given his heart to Christ and was struggling a bit now with a lifestyle choice that was bothering him. It was a serious matter for him, and I understood that.  But I wondered too if I was being sensitive enough to where he was.  Was I really listening to his questions?  Or too quickly spouting answers? 

The mom in me too often just wants to fix things, and I am so confident that Jesus can do that.  I know if the Spirit of God is given a chance to take the Word of God and go to work in a heart and life, it’s radical.  But I just don’t see that happen nearly enough it seems.  Change often takes time, lots of time.  Like with many of our guys, trust has to be built.  They need to know that we care about them, that we’re going to love them even if they choose not to choose the Christ we know and serve.  And that’s hard. 

There was something about this impacting statement that helped me.  It became clearer that in the very moment when God may be working, I need to let go and trust that Jesus comes to people.  He draws them to Him, and maybe He will even use me in the process, but He comes to people. I don’t have to fix anything.  He still comes to people.  In His time, in His way, He still changes lives.  And that’s radical. 

 

It's a Seascape kind of morning

“Jesus withdrew with His disciples to the sea.”  Mark 3:7

The beach is my go-to place.  Even when I can’t literally flee to the sea, I go.  I go to the place where Jesus and I can sit and soak up the wind and waves, the sand and salty breeze, and everything else I love about the sea.  It’s the place, even if only in my heart at times, where we talk and enjoy each other; I listen and reflect, overwhelmed and grateful that He has time for me.  The blessing of a moment of rest, even if it’s just mental.  Without it I’d be mental! 

This is one of those mornings.  But Jesus drew me this time, before I had a chance to even think about my go-to place.  He had it in mind.  He knew what I needed.  He knows what it means to me.  So when I opened my Bible to this morning’s devotion, I knew He was calling me away and I needed to follow. 

He.calms.the.waves.  He can calm my anxious heart.  I can trust Him to accomplish through me what I do not feel I can accomplish on my own.

We begin Vacation Bible School this evening.  We’re packing and prepping for the move to the farm.  I have dentist and doctor appointments to get Jordan to in the next two days.  When we come back on duty at the ranch we’ll be on for two weeks.  Our oldest son and his family come in this evening from Indiana;  Christina and the kids get to visit with us while he has business in Atlanta.  And we wait…we wait for the word from our youngest son that the kidney transplant for grandson Ephraim has finally been scheduled, and we will drop everything and travel down to Atlanta to be with them for the surgeries. 

 

Lord, I am wading out today with you by my side.  I am lifting my face to you and basking in the warmth of your love.  I am trying to grasp your greatness and goodness and praise You.  I feel like a grain of sand on the shoreline this morning, small, a little gritty, yet held in Your Hand and part of Your infinite plan.  It’s a beautiful feeling, knowing You are holding me, helping me.  Thank you for meeting me here today. 

 

 

Just a Walk in the Park

Today, Rog and I took a time-out.  We grabbed a sub from Scheetz and headed to Grandview, an area national park.  Although we are out there quite often, especially with our guys from the ranch hiking trails, it has been years since it has just been the two of us to walk them together.  I commented while we ate, that as much as I love the beach, my beach in particular I call it, the Outer Banks of North Carolina, and as much as I miss it and think about it, I feel privileged to live here in West Virginia.  It’s a beautiful place year-round that God has allowed us to call home for these nearly twenty years now.   

Did I just say twenty years?  Most definitely.  Just one span of life events that have brought us to where we are today.  Days are so full, but I think we’ve learned, and continue to learn ways to pace ourselves and keep life in perspective. While strolling through a bargain outlet just yesterday, I picked up a little book on stress of all things!  One of its many insightful thoughts follows. 

                “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things¹.”

 I find myself doing this a lot, especially on days like today when I can walk a trail with my hubby.  I don’t take that time for granted.  Moments like that are already a “big thing”, not something I’ll just look back on and remember how precious they were.  Here are a few of my “big things” just this week:

                enjoying the smell of puppy breath from our new Aussie pup Tilly and hearing the squeals from the grandchildren as they play together; 

               watching a sci-fi with Roger, Jordan, and a couple of our ranch guys that made me shriek and cover my eyes!  (who wants to see someone eaten by a giant mole-rat!);

                being startled, then awed as a deer crossed our path on our hike then stopped just feet away as if to give us a chance to just enjoy his graceful beauty;

                driving a winding country road with the windows down and the music up, eating ice cream and singing along to a favorite song.  

 Yet, I’ve had occasion to worry and fret.  What I didn’t mention was that also this week my son began his rigorous testing in preparation to give one of his kidneys to his son awaiting transplant.  My phone rang at 6:15 this morning.  Our oldest son was on the way to the hospital with his wife who is expecting their fourth child…she’s not due until October.  Our air conditioner went out and we were told today it would have to be replaced…at an estimated cost of around $3600.00.  I’ve spent time on the phone, and at the police station as a victim of credit card fraud, making sure that I don’t continue to be used to fund someone else’s vacation, shopping spree, new car!!  (Yes, application was made for a $12,000 draw against Capitol One Visa for a used car!) I’ve had Jordan at the doctor again, as I have repeatedly over the last month, this time for a ct scan, trying to determine the source of her health issue.  So, more time spent on the phone and visiting the doctor’s offices, both her regular doctor and now a specialist, the express clinic, the hospital, the diagnostic testing center, etc…only to wait for follow-up or more testing.  I continue to seek God for wisdom and patience in dealing with one of the most challenging groups of boys we’ve been blessed to minister to at the ranch, from their explosive anger to their disheartening apathy. 

Whether it’s chaos or concern, my heart immediately goes to prayer.  I pray because calm is not always my immediate reaction.  A confident rest in the knowledge that God is always in control is not always my immediate reaction.  As I lift the moment to God, I fret only a moment rather than hours or days, and that is a great victory for me.  I may have to take it (whatever it happens to be at the time) to Him over and over again as the power of human emotion settles over me and tries to fuel anxiety.  But that’s okay.  God meets me in my moment every time. 

Just a walk in the park? No, for me it was a great deal more.   And it came just in time, since we arrived home only to find that the dishwasher had died! 

 “…take your cares outdoors, breathe deeply of the fresh air, walk among tall trees, and lift your eyes upward.  You will quickly realize that no matter what obstacles you are facing, you and your worries are only a small part of the greater universe designed by our Creator².” 

 

Do you need a time-out?

 ¹Robert Brault; from Stress Less and Enjoy Each Day, David Zerfoss

²David Zerfoss; Stress Less and Enjoy Each Day

Anniversary Daze

Tomorrow marks the 10^th anniversary of a journey of love and commitment for our sons and their beautiful families.  In five short years we celebrated four weddings.  In a two week span, from May 22^nd to June 5^th, all four sons celebrate with their wives the day they were united before God to begin their journeys together.

As this time of year approaches I find myself taking a step back, reflecting on all the excitement, the joy, the chaos at times of these special family events and all that has resulted in these unions; the grandchildren, the expanded family that some may call inlaws, the shared friendships, the vacations!! (Hey, if they're going to live so far away, it's a bonus that it has been in some great vacation spots (Utah, Texas, Indiana, Georgia, Hawaii)!!  We are so blessed.  In Roger’s Wednesday Bible Study from II Samuel on the reign of David, I could say with the King of Israel in II Samuel 7:18:

           “Who am I, O Lord God? and what is my house, that thou hast brought me hitherto?”

The boys have faced their challenges, are facing them still, just like Rog and I have in our 34 years.  In fact, this year both Seth and Rebecca, and Aaron and Martha spent their anniversaries in the hospital with their precious children.  But when every day is a celebration of life and love and commitment, what’s an anniversary?  They each relish the moments they have to remember and enjoy their special days in their own unique ways.  I don’t always let them know how proud I am, how wonderful they are, how blessed I feel, but my heart swells to see them growing together in their love for each other, their families, and the Savior they all serve.  It is a joy I do not take for granted.  As these two weeks come and go, in often the same daze as then, I look back and laugh and cry and enjoy it all over again as only a doting mom can.  And I try to remember to at least acknowledge the day in some way or wish them a Happy Anniversary (they know their mother!)!

When so many long for a love that’s real and lasting, our house is full to overflowing, and I praise God.  Each individual family is now its own unit and unique.  We will fail each other from time to time, but it will make us stronger.  The closeness is intentional, it doesn’t just happen.  It’s about helping each other, praying for each other, talking to each other (some families don’t even do this!), hurting together, forgiving each other, working and serving together, supporting each other, laughing and crying together even thousands of miles apart…It’s a daze I have no desire to recover from!  

 

         HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MY WONDERFUL SONS
                    AND THEIR BEAUTIFUL WIVES
                              Aaron & Martha - May 22 - 9 years
                                            Seth & Rebecca - May 24 - 5 years
                                      Daniel & Stephanie - May 31st - 10 Years
                                       Joshua & Christina - June 5th - 9 years

 

 

 

Ephraim's Nurse

I sat in church Sunday evening listening to my son, Daniel, preach.  He was speaking on the providence of God, and everything in me was straining to listen and grab hold in faith of this great Truth.  As the message from the book of Esther developed, I prayed silently the familiar words of scripture, “…for such a time as this.” We had received news that morning that the dialysis that had been so desperately avoided for our grandson was now inevitable.  Ephraim’s kidney was failing and without it, he would not make it to transplant.

God had so graciously sustained his little kidney so far.  Transplant was right around the corner; the first stage of testing already scheduled.  He would soon be four years old when they said he shouldn’t have lived.  So why dialysis now when it could be so detrimental to transplant readiness in the long run? I believe God is Sovereign, and that He is in control even in dark days, even when His children are in disobedience, just as Dan was sharing.  The timing of the message itself was providential.  I needed this reminder that my faithful and loving God was without a doubt still in control.  While my heart silently cried and prayed, God silently worked. 

 

In the book of Esther, God’s name is not mentioned but His silent work is undeniably evidenced.  And so we would see it be so with Ephraim.  The next day while Rebecca was with Ephraim, undergoing that first round of dialysis, our son Seth called to tell us about what he described as “an awesome God moment”.  I listened intently, curious but   grateful to hear the encouragement and excitement in his voice as he shared about Ephraim’s nurse.

On that same Sunday morning that I wrestled with the providence of God, another woman wrestled with God about going to church, knowing she should be worshipping and serving Him again.  Once the decision was made, the question remained as to where to attend.  She realized a church was meeting right across the street from her house in a school, and decided to try it.  At some point during the service, a blog was read by a young woman named Rebecca with a son named Ephraim that would soon be facing dialysis while waiting for a kidney transplant if God did not intervene.  Her ears perked up.  She was a dialysis nurse.  As the church brought this family before God, she joined in prayer for them even without knowing them.  What she did know was the ordeal dialysis could be.  The next morning when she arrived at work and was handed her chart, she was surprised to find that she had been assigned to none other than the little boy that she had prayed for.  When she met Rebecca, she pulled her aside and began to share this “no accident” incident.  Nurse Andrea would be right by Ephraim’s side for the duration. 

“Momma, God is still using Ephraim.  I know we didn’t want the dialysis to happen, but God did!” Seth explained.  “It’s going to be ok.” 

What had been so clouded was now profoundly clear!  God was right there, silently working in providence His sovereign will.  God was right there, in that room, holding Ephraim’s hand through a caring, providentially chosen, nurse.  He chose her for Ephraim, and Ephraim’s situation at this time was for her. 

I know I often underestimate God’s providence, but it is real and it is powerful.  In His sovereignty He is silently at work in the details of our lives. 

 

Just ask Ephraim’s nurse. 

 

 

A Child-like Faith

A friend (and co-worker) was sharing with her young son that our grandson Ephraim was going to be able to have his kidney transplant.  They have been faithfully praying for him all this time.  “Oh, thank God!” he exclaimed.  Then, in that precious child-like innocence he asked, “What is that, anyway?”

Lord, I want that kind of faith!   Children don’t have to know or understand; they just believe God.  And isn’t that what He has asked us to do, just trust Him?  Unfortunately, our idea of prayer and faith is often like a trip to visit Santa at the mall.  We have our list.  We’ve been good.  Why wouldn’t He make sure we get what we ask for? 

Scripture tells us that his ways are not ours, His plans are best*.  And even though that may be hard to accept, it’s best if we do.  And that is not just a pat answer.  It’s Truth.  God is so good and patient that even when we struggle with that, He understands and holds us in His hands.  And just like a loving parent with a trusting child, He won’t let go. 

“Lord I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”  Mark 9:24

 *Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future.”  (NCV)

"Fruitful in the Land of my Affliction"

Our youngest son Seth and his wife Rebecca have been on an incredible journey.  Their oldest child, one of our precious grandchildren, Ephraim Josiah, was born with….wait, first things first…he was born, and he lived.  He lived beyond what anyone had thought possible from a medical perspective.  Ephraim will be four years old on the 18^th of May. 

What a bright, beautiful child he is.  He has been through so much in his four years.  God has seen fit to sustain him with very minimal kidney function.  And even though there have been surgeries and procedures, medications and treatments, he has survived major setbacks, and thrived.  Now it is clear and a decision has been made to begin moving him through processing for a kidney transplant.  Seth, his daddy, is the first donor candidate and will soon begin the process as well. 

Rebecca emailed me today with a preview of Ephraim’s logo with COTA (Children’s Organ Transplant Association) that will be ascribed with the message “fruitful in the Land of my affliction”.  My thoughts went immediately to the Scripture in Psalm 119.

“It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn Thy statutes.”  “I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right, and that Thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me.  Let Thy merciful kindness be for my comfort.”  Ps. 119:71,75,76

Good? Good to be afflicted?  What a paradox.  But God specializes in those.  And I am so glad.  I would not want to even consider accepting the truth of it otherwise.  He is faithful, so I can trust Him.  I do that through faith, not dwelling on how I feel.  Knowing God is altogether Good, and that all He does He does with divine kindness that is beyond my ability to even understand, is the comfort that sustains. 

It is not just possible; being “fruitful in the land of my affliction” is a reality.  Ephraim is.  And he is not the only one.  God is great and God is good.  When we are confident that we are walking with Him, we can be confident He is with us in any and every affliction.  There are no accidents or mistakes with our loving Creator God and Savior, only divine appointments. 

Rest in Him.