How "R" You?

Some days I just want the day to end. I want to go to bed, wake up and just get a new day started. Have you been there? Are you there now?

I’m in a season of caregiving for my mother-in-law, and some days are just hard. It’s a constant struggle to keep her comfortable, be patient and compassionate; not take the cutting remarks personally; to not be able to do anything right; handle the negativity, the lack of joy. She struggles with Jesus not taking her home, but instead letting her linger in her condition. I get it. That’s hard too. I don’t know what I will be like when my homegoing draws close, but I know what I want it to be like. So I commit daily to being Jesus to her, sometimes moment by moment. Do I fail? Yes, sometimes miserably…thus the desire to just see the day end and be able to start over!! I’m learning lessons again, being stretched in my faith again, being pressed to prayer again in ways that only this wonderful time could bring my way. 

What season are you in? Life has a way of throwing rocks at us, beating us down. Some would call it being dealt a terrible hand, or perhaps fate. No, even when life happens, God is still in charge. He is still so very good. Some things are easier to deal with than others, no doubt. But we all have those things that discourage, disappoint, defeat, demean, disillusion, even make us doubt the God that made us, that saved us, that walks with us. Oh those devilish “D” words!!  

When the heat is on and the emotions are raw, it’s tough to remember the God who loves us beyond what we can understand and that He has not abandoned us to ourselves or our situations. I sat down this week, completely deflated (another D word!) and tried to get myself together. I was dull with trying to push back against how things were making me feel. I picked up my journal and leafed back through the last year or so.  God had been so very good. His timing was perfect at every turn. I walked through some of the tough decisions and challenges, making a point to read the Scripture and prayers I had recorded. I came away with some “R’s” to replace those “D’s”.

REST!  How “R” you? You may need to rest. One of my sons recently shared a conversation he was having with his daughter about a relationship issue. He encouraged her to “do the right thing, then rest in Truth.”  What sound admonishment. It’s one thing to know God’s Truth.  It’s quite another to rest in it, letting it guide our thoughts and behaviors, letting it control our concerns with outcomes. Resting in Truth is freeing. It brings all the promises of God to our disposal. But we have to know Truth and appropriate Truth for it to work its wonder in our lives and daily ups and downs. And biblical, authoritative Truth is relative to every situation. 

REACH!  How “R” you? You may need to reach. Hurtful people, painful times, are just the times to practice in an even more intentional and determined way the kindness of Christ. Once pummeled, it’s challenging to respond and react with grace, kindness, humility, goodness. But we have to keep reaching out, even to those that don’t appreciate it, don’t want it, don’t respect it, are oblivious to it. And we do that because the love of Christ compels us to, it honors Him. It ministers grace and peace and joy to our own hearts. It makes a difference. If not in the other person, in us. 

REFOCUS! How “R” you? You may need to refocus. Satan loves to distract. There it is, another D word!  Become quickly acquainted with Satan’s ways and wiles, seducing our attention away from the sacred, away from the Savior’s sweet grace and the awareness of His presence with us. When the doubts surface…and they will…do not believe the lies. You are loved. You are enough. You are His beloved child. You are forgiven. You are able. He makes all this possible. One distraction leads to another and before we know it we are far removed from the joy, the peace, the wisdom, the strength, the grace we need and enjoy, because the distractions have crowded out time in His Word, time being quiet in His presence, soaking in His nearness and love. Often even good things can distract, keeping us busy, leaving us wondering what happened. Where is the joy?  Where is the peace of mind and grateful heart? Where is the determination to do the right thing? Where is the strength to stay the course? It can evaporate in the distractions. Refocus your heart and mind on the person of Jesus. Go back to the priority of praise and prayer and time in the Word. This will get you through. 

REJOICE!  How “R” you? You may need to break out in praise! Rejoicing is easier when things are going well, when what we normally view as “blessings” are flowing. It’s in our nature to smile and laugh and be joyful in the absence of obstacles, challenges, problems, difficulties, pain, heartbreak, loss. And we don’t often think of those things as blessings. This is when we have to step back and separate how we feel from what we know to be true!! We may not be able to change what is happening at any given moment, and we don’t have to deny or dismiss how we feel. But we have to choose to be joyful, to praise God always. To lift our hearts and hands to Him in grateful, genuine praise. Not because we’ve been spared life’s blows, but in spite of them. Hard times, waiting times, happy times, alone times, all.the.times.!!  Rejoicing always changes our perspective and lifts us above the oppressive clouds and enables us to see the Son again!  

REVISIT!  How “R” you? When is the last time you took a moment to revisit God at work in the details of your life?  Go back often to the times and places you saw the faithfulness of God. Revisit the miraculous moments, the lessons learned, the victories, the dark times. It will serve to strengthen your resolve to trust Him more. It will give you reason to rejoice again. You will see Him strong and faithful on your behalf and be reminded that He does not change. I keep a journal and I do this often. In dark times, these journals take me back. All the raw emotion, the sharp pain, the wondering and waiting. But I also see where the Lord has brought me from and it gives me a fresh perspective on where I am now. By His great grace, I am and will be ok because He is great and good. He has been faithful in the past. He will be faithful always. 

How “R” you, really? I pray you can rest, reach, refocus, rejoice, and revisit God’s greatness and goodness, especially if you’re in a rough spot. You may find some additional “R’s” of your own to encourage your heart. I hope you are good. 

But when we’re not, Jesus still is. 

The Infamous "If"

I have begun my journey through the pages of Scripture once again this new year to read it in its entirety.  (If you have not, I would really encourage you to do so. My 14 year-old granddaughter read through the Bible last year and is starting again this year.  You can do it!) I have used a number of different approaches over the years, and the Lord has helped me finish my goal, and encouraged my heart with the growth accomplished even when I failed.  I also journal along the way (with a file cabinet full of notebooks to show for it!), trying to capture those moments when a truth freshly jumped off a page, or a concept became so clear, or I saw something from a new perspective.  I also wanted to cement Truth into my thinking, especially when it served to correct me in some wrong, or comfort me in some distress...and there have been lots of those times through the years. I especially remember how precious and intimate it was to have the Lord meet me exactly where I was emotionally and spiritually when I would be up in the middle of the night with one of the kids sick or unable to sleep. I would turn to my Bible, not randomly, but where I was last in my reading, only to have the Lord use that specific passage at that specific time to lift my heart heavenward, grateful that He knew about some specific concern or struggle I was having.  Its Truth would so amazingly be applicable to my situation. Have you ever had that happen? I hope so. It still awes me that God would and still does this.

Why does that awe me?  Well, in Genesis this morning reading of Jacob I found myself considering two sides of an “if”.  

“Then Jacob made a vow, saying, If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat and clothing to wear so that I come again to my father’s house in peace, then the Lord shall be my God.” (Genesis 28:20).  

I must admit my first thought on reading this was that Jacob was a foolish, faithless man. “If?”  Really Jacob? You really did not understand this great God of your ancestors. You knew of Him no doubt, but did you really know Him in all His greatness and holiness?  Did you not understand that God is faithful and can be completely trusted to carry out His will and perform His Word? Why would you question “if”, unless there was some doubt in your mind that He could not? It sounds at first like Jacob is bargaining with God, much like we might attempt to do...."God, if You do this, then I'll do this."

This passage of Scripture details an encounter with God after Jacob has fled his home in fear of his life...at the hand of his own brother!  And it began with Jacob deceiving his father and stealing the birthright and blessing that rightly belonged to the oldest, Esau. Many of you may be familiar with this story and remember Rebekah, Jacob’s mother, putting him up to this scheme.  That’s a thought for another time. For now, my focus is Jacob, and he agreed to go through with it. After all, he had already taken advantage of a famished (and careless) Esau at an earlier time, gaining the birthright for a pot of beans.

Jacob, the deceiver. Lies, deception, manipulation, and whatever his motives for obtaining the blessing and birthright of the family, he did not come by them honorably. It is probable, and likely that Rebekah had told him what the Lord had told her about her twins when they were born, that the older would serve the younger, and the struggle in her womb would become a lifetime of struggle between the brothers.  Perhaps it was completely unnecessary for Rebekah or Jacob to manipulate and manhandle situations to see God’s Word accomplished. If God had already determined that Jacob would be the son of blessing, then God would see to it that circumstances and situations worked to bring this to pass. In other words, God did not need their help to see to it that His divine plan was carried out. In fact, God’s plan was much bigger than either of them realized.  

Foolish and/or faithless as he may have been, God chose Jacob, directed him, provided for him, protected him.  And for the first time I considered that maybe Jacob did understand. Perhaps his great “if” moment was not about his understanding of God at all.  Maybe it was more about his understanding of himself. When Jacob laid his head down on that rock that night on the run, God revealed himself to him in a powerful and life-changing way, promising Jacob He would be with him and would keep him wherever he went.  Jacob was probably no more sure of God’s abiding presence with him at this point, as he was of God’s protection and provision for him. His future was uncertain, and after all, he had not shown himself to be an honorable man, one that necessarily revered God and His Word up to this point.  In all of his failures, weaknesses, lies, deceit, fear, why would God care for him or promise him anything? Why should He?

Was this “if’ moment for Jacob a question of God’s ability, as in “is God able?”, or was it rather, “will God really do this for me?  Me, after all I’ve done?” God was most definitely able, and willing. Jacob just needed to choose to believe and accept it, in spite of himself.  

This is such a beautiful picture of grace.  Jacob would indeed receive something from God that he did not deserve and certainly didn’t earn through his righteous behavior.  No, he came face to face with the Lord God, was provided a promise, and all he had to do was believe and act upon it. That, is faith.  Jacob chose at this moment, even though there would be other failures, to exercise faith and say, “If God would indeed do this for me, then He will be my God”.  This seems more a declaration of Jacob’s feeble faith than a bargain he is making with God.

We don’t bargain with God about anything.  He offers the great gift of salvation, inviting us each personally to come to grips with our own sinfulness and inability to be free from the weight and penalty of our sin, and gain forgiveness and an eternity with Jesus by trusting Him.  We exercise faith, believing what God has told us in the Bible about Himself and His Son, about the death of Christ on the cross and the fact that He rose from the dead. That simple choice changes everything. It provides an everlasting life with God throughout eternity to come, instead of eternal punishment and separation from God.  It provides the chance for an abundant life now, not just an empty existence with no real and lasting purpose.

No, we don’t bargain with God about anything.  He has promised so much, made so much available to us in choosing to live for Him...Great joy, peace, provision, protection, wisdom, guidance, comfort, encouragement, grace.  But we must trust His ways, His timing, His plans and purposes that are higher than ours, not attempt to finagle and finesse our way through life. God is the one over all, in charge, ruling and reigning, even when it does not seem like it.  He is good at being God; He has been doing it a very long time….eternity. Let Him be God!

What side of the “if” are you on?  Are you struggling to decide if God is truly who He says He is and is able to do what He says He will do?  Do you see Him as the all-powerful, saving God that He is, able to care for you and all your concerns? Or, are you wondering if this great God, seeing you and knowing you for who you are (and He does see and know), would actually want to have a real and personal relationship with you? And if He does, would He care enough about what you are going through to want to come alongside and be your help and guide, never leaving you or abandoning you to yourself or your situation?  

“If” moments.  Jacob had one in Genesis 28.  I had mine. I was on the side of complete wonder that God loved even me.  I had no reservations about my sin, failures, inadequacies, weaknesses. They stared me in the face...stare me in the face...everyday.  But Jesus lives in and through me. I am an overcomer because of Him. It may not seem as apparent to others all that Jesus has done for me, but I know God is great and good and FULL of grace and mercy to love the likes of me, and to care and be involved in the details of my life.  

Oh God, even though I sometimes question why you would love me, why you would die for me, I thank you that I never have to question your greatness or goodness, your willingness to reach to me where I am.  You are able and faithful and amazing.

God is bigger than your “ifs”.  

Me and my crazy dog.

I was so exasperated!  My beautiful but insanely crazy Australian Shepherd was draining me of energy and my normal critter compassion.  My patience was wearing thin and I was so close to a trip to the pound.  “And I chose you!” I yelled.  No sooner were the words out of my mouth and I felt the pang in my gut that said, “God’s not happy with that!”

Yes, I had chosen her.  She was so cuddly and cute as a puppy.  And the thought of her staying one more minute in that crowded, hot pet store crate seemed cruel.  Roger had been looking into the breed for a while and was surprised to actually find one in the store.  We went in there pretty often and had never seen one.  When he took me over to see her it was love at first sight.  She wasn’t your typical Aussie.  No, she was a White!  Blue eyes, a few brown and gray spots on her ear and hind legs, and a pink nose, beautiful!  We also knew she would be full of energy and would need lots of wide open space to run free.  This was not the dog for an apartment dweller, so we were sure the farm would be the perfect place for her.  

But she was older now and wreaking havoc around the house, scaring the grandkids, chasing the animals.  Our work situation was such that we weren’t home very much, and because she was so difficult to handle she spent a lot of time either on a chain or in her crate.  It brought me to tears knowing she was having to live this way.  I began praying that she’d calm down, that I’d see some change as she got older.  A friend prayed with me when I got to work one morning in tears.  Roger always said he wouldn’t have a critter that he wouldn’t pray for! 

When I heard myself yelling at her that day, I could immediately hear the Lord saying the same thing about me.  He chose me.  He drew me to Himself.  He rescued me.  And how often He must be exasperated with me in my stubbornness!  How patient He had been with me over the years, teaching me, growing me, loving me.  Tilly needed my loving attention and determined teaching, not my anger and exasperation. 

I quickly thanked the Lord for the “slap on the face”, reminding me of His grace and patience, and began praying about an intentional plan of action for me and my crazy dog.  I had read in my research that as a working breed they needed to feel useful or they are miserable.  It had escaped me that I needed to find ways to help her feel like she had a purpose other than being cute and cuddly.  So, I set out to get some things that would help me accomplish this with her.  Then, I established a routine so that she would know what to expect.  It would be her time to be with us.  Our work situation had recently changed, so this was now going to be possible on a daily basis!  It’s just like God to concern Himself with the things that matter so much to us!  And if it didn’t work out, I’d love her regardless and have no regrets. 

In just a short period of time she has become such a loving and good dog.  Her excitement still gets the best of her at times, but it’s not frightening to the children or destructive, and it’s quickly reigned in as she learns to listen more and more.  My crazy dog and I have learned some things.  So thankful God is patient with me, ever teaching, ever loving me closer to Himself. 

Yes, I chose Tilly.  And it makes my heart glad. 

It's a Seascape kind of morning

“Jesus withdrew with His disciples to the sea.”  Mark 3:7

The beach is my go-to place.  Even when I can’t literally flee to the sea, I go.  I go to the place where Jesus and I can sit and soak up the wind and waves, the sand and salty breeze, and everything else I love about the sea.  It’s the place, even if only in my heart at times, where we talk and enjoy each other; I listen and reflect, overwhelmed and grateful that He has time for me.  The blessing of a moment of rest, even if it’s just mental.  Without it I’d be mental! 

This is one of those mornings.  But Jesus drew me this time, before I had a chance to even think about my go-to place.  He had it in mind.  He knew what I needed.  He knows what it means to me.  So when I opened my Bible to this morning’s devotion, I knew He was calling me away and I needed to follow. 

He.calms.the.waves.  He can calm my anxious heart.  I can trust Him to accomplish through me what I do not feel I can accomplish on my own.

We begin Vacation Bible School this evening.  We’re packing and prepping for the move to the farm.  I have dentist and doctor appointments to get Jordan to in the next two days.  When we come back on duty at the ranch we’ll be on for two weeks.  Our oldest son and his family come in this evening from Indiana;  Christina and the kids get to visit with us while he has business in Atlanta.  And we wait…we wait for the word from our youngest son that the kidney transplant for grandson Ephraim has finally been scheduled, and we will drop everything and travel down to Atlanta to be with them for the surgeries. 

 

Lord, I am wading out today with you by my side.  I am lifting my face to you and basking in the warmth of your love.  I am trying to grasp your greatness and goodness and praise You.  I feel like a grain of sand on the shoreline this morning, small, a little gritty, yet held in Your Hand and part of Your infinite plan.  It’s a beautiful feeling, knowing You are holding me, helping me.  Thank you for meeting me here today. 

 

 

Just a Walk in the Park

Today, Rog and I took a time-out.  We grabbed a sub from Scheetz and headed to Grandview, an area national park.  Although we are out there quite often, especially with our guys from the ranch hiking trails, it has been years since it has just been the two of us to walk them together.  I commented while we ate, that as much as I love the beach, my beach in particular I call it, the Outer Banks of North Carolina, and as much as I miss it and think about it, I feel privileged to live here in West Virginia.  It’s a beautiful place year-round that God has allowed us to call home for these nearly twenty years now.   

Did I just say twenty years?  Most definitely.  Just one span of life events that have brought us to where we are today.  Days are so full, but I think we’ve learned, and continue to learn ways to pace ourselves and keep life in perspective. While strolling through a bargain outlet just yesterday, I picked up a little book on stress of all things!  One of its many insightful thoughts follows. 

                “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things¹.”

 I find myself doing this a lot, especially on days like today when I can walk a trail with my hubby.  I don’t take that time for granted.  Moments like that are already a “big thing”, not something I’ll just look back on and remember how precious they were.  Here are a few of my “big things” just this week:

                enjoying the smell of puppy breath from our new Aussie pup Tilly and hearing the squeals from the grandchildren as they play together; 

               watching a sci-fi with Roger, Jordan, and a couple of our ranch guys that made me shriek and cover my eyes!  (who wants to see someone eaten by a giant mole-rat!);

                being startled, then awed as a deer crossed our path on our hike then stopped just feet away as if to give us a chance to just enjoy his graceful beauty;

                driving a winding country road with the windows down and the music up, eating ice cream and singing along to a favorite song.  

 Yet, I’ve had occasion to worry and fret.  What I didn’t mention was that also this week my son began his rigorous testing in preparation to give one of his kidneys to his son awaiting transplant.  My phone rang at 6:15 this morning.  Our oldest son was on the way to the hospital with his wife who is expecting their fourth child…she’s not due until October.  Our air conditioner went out and we were told today it would have to be replaced…at an estimated cost of around $3600.00.  I’ve spent time on the phone, and at the police station as a victim of credit card fraud, making sure that I don’t continue to be used to fund someone else’s vacation, shopping spree, new car!!  (Yes, application was made for a $12,000 draw against Capitol One Visa for a used car!) I’ve had Jordan at the doctor again, as I have repeatedly over the last month, this time for a ct scan, trying to determine the source of her health issue.  So, more time spent on the phone and visiting the doctor’s offices, both her regular doctor and now a specialist, the express clinic, the hospital, the diagnostic testing center, etc…only to wait for follow-up or more testing.  I continue to seek God for wisdom and patience in dealing with one of the most challenging groups of boys we’ve been blessed to minister to at the ranch, from their explosive anger to their disheartening apathy. 

Whether it’s chaos or concern, my heart immediately goes to prayer.  I pray because calm is not always my immediate reaction.  A confident rest in the knowledge that God is always in control is not always my immediate reaction.  As I lift the moment to God, I fret only a moment rather than hours or days, and that is a great victory for me.  I may have to take it (whatever it happens to be at the time) to Him over and over again as the power of human emotion settles over me and tries to fuel anxiety.  But that’s okay.  God meets me in my moment every time. 

Just a walk in the park? No, for me it was a great deal more.   And it came just in time, since we arrived home only to find that the dishwasher had died! 

 “…take your cares outdoors, breathe deeply of the fresh air, walk among tall trees, and lift your eyes upward.  You will quickly realize that no matter what obstacles you are facing, you and your worries are only a small part of the greater universe designed by our Creator².” 

 

Do you need a time-out?

 ¹Robert Brault; from Stress Less and Enjoy Each Day, David Zerfoss

²David Zerfoss; Stress Less and Enjoy Each Day