How "R" You?

Some days I just want the day to end. I want to go to bed, wake up and just get a new day started. Have you been there? Are you there now?

I’m in a season of caregiving for my mother-in-law, and some days are just hard. It’s a constant struggle to keep her comfortable, be patient and compassionate; not take the cutting remarks personally; to not be able to do anything right; handle the negativity, the lack of joy. She struggles with Jesus not taking her home, but instead letting her linger in her condition. I get it. That’s hard too. I don’t know what I will be like when my homegoing draws close, but I know what I want it to be like. So I commit daily to being Jesus to her, sometimes moment by moment. Do I fail? Yes, sometimes miserably…thus the desire to just see the day end and be able to start over!! I’m learning lessons again, being stretched in my faith again, being pressed to prayer again in ways that only this wonderful time could bring my way. 

What season are you in? Life has a way of throwing rocks at us, beating us down. Some would call it being dealt a terrible hand, or perhaps fate. No, even when life happens, God is still in charge. He is still so very good. Some things are easier to deal with than others, no doubt. But we all have those things that discourage, disappoint, defeat, demean, disillusion, even make us doubt the God that made us, that saved us, that walks with us. Oh those devilish “D” words!!  

When the heat is on and the emotions are raw, it’s tough to remember the God who loves us beyond what we can understand and that He has not abandoned us to ourselves or our situations. I sat down this week, completely deflated (another D word!) and tried to get myself together. I was dull with trying to push back against how things were making me feel. I picked up my journal and leafed back through the last year or so.  God had been so very good. His timing was perfect at every turn. I walked through some of the tough decisions and challenges, making a point to read the Scripture and prayers I had recorded. I came away with some “R’s” to replace those “D’s”.

REST!  How “R” you? You may need to rest. One of my sons recently shared a conversation he was having with his daughter about a relationship issue. He encouraged her to “do the right thing, then rest in Truth.”  What sound admonishment. It’s one thing to know God’s Truth.  It’s quite another to rest in it, letting it guide our thoughts and behaviors, letting it control our concerns with outcomes. Resting in Truth is freeing. It brings all the promises of God to our disposal. But we have to know Truth and appropriate Truth for it to work its wonder in our lives and daily ups and downs. And biblical, authoritative Truth is relative to every situation. 

REACH!  How “R” you? You may need to reach. Hurtful people, painful times, are just the times to practice in an even more intentional and determined way the kindness of Christ. Once pummeled, it’s challenging to respond and react with grace, kindness, humility, goodness. But we have to keep reaching out, even to those that don’t appreciate it, don’t want it, don’t respect it, are oblivious to it. And we do that because the love of Christ compels us to, it honors Him. It ministers grace and peace and joy to our own hearts. It makes a difference. If not in the other person, in us. 

REFOCUS! How “R” you? You may need to refocus. Satan loves to distract. There it is, another D word!  Become quickly acquainted with Satan’s ways and wiles, seducing our attention away from the sacred, away from the Savior’s sweet grace and the awareness of His presence with us. When the doubts surface…and they will…do not believe the lies. You are loved. You are enough. You are His beloved child. You are forgiven. You are able. He makes all this possible. One distraction leads to another and before we know it we are far removed from the joy, the peace, the wisdom, the strength, the grace we need and enjoy, because the distractions have crowded out time in His Word, time being quiet in His presence, soaking in His nearness and love. Often even good things can distract, keeping us busy, leaving us wondering what happened. Where is the joy?  Where is the peace of mind and grateful heart? Where is the determination to do the right thing? Where is the strength to stay the course? It can evaporate in the distractions. Refocus your heart and mind on the person of Jesus. Go back to the priority of praise and prayer and time in the Word. This will get you through. 

REJOICE!  How “R” you? You may need to break out in praise! Rejoicing is easier when things are going well, when what we normally view as “blessings” are flowing. It’s in our nature to smile and laugh and be joyful in the absence of obstacles, challenges, problems, difficulties, pain, heartbreak, loss. And we don’t often think of those things as blessings. This is when we have to step back and separate how we feel from what we know to be true!! We may not be able to change what is happening at any given moment, and we don’t have to deny or dismiss how we feel. But we have to choose to be joyful, to praise God always. To lift our hearts and hands to Him in grateful, genuine praise. Not because we’ve been spared life’s blows, but in spite of them. Hard times, waiting times, happy times, alone times, all.the.times.!!  Rejoicing always changes our perspective and lifts us above the oppressive clouds and enables us to see the Son again!  

REVISIT!  How “R” you? When is the last time you took a moment to revisit God at work in the details of your life?  Go back often to the times and places you saw the faithfulness of God. Revisit the miraculous moments, the lessons learned, the victories, the dark times. It will serve to strengthen your resolve to trust Him more. It will give you reason to rejoice again. You will see Him strong and faithful on your behalf and be reminded that He does not change. I keep a journal and I do this often. In dark times, these journals take me back. All the raw emotion, the sharp pain, the wondering and waiting. But I also see where the Lord has brought me from and it gives me a fresh perspective on where I am now. By His great grace, I am and will be ok because He is great and good. He has been faithful in the past. He will be faithful always. 

How “R” you, really? I pray you can rest, reach, refocus, rejoice, and revisit God’s greatness and goodness, especially if you’re in a rough spot. You may find some additional “R’s” of your own to encourage your heart. I hope you are good. 

But when we’re not, Jesus still is. 

A Christmas Fix-it Project...Me

Love is fixing me.

I have been reading a great deal of Lysa Terkeurst lately, on disappointment.  It has hit home in so many ways and has been such an encouragement as I am well aware of those times I need to be fixed.  At times everything gets out of sorts...my emotions, my focus, my expectations.

Christmas is a time of great disappointment for many; those trying to push through a holiday for the first time without a loved one, and something they certainly never expected they would so soon have to do.  Neither is it any less painful or any easier to deal with the hurt and loss just because it is somewhat expected. Relationships end, people find themselves in financial straits and thinking “Christmas just won’t be what it usually is.”  The disappointments loom large, maybe even larger at Christmas.

Sometimes it takes these very painful and personal experiences to bring Jesus and His healing touch to the forefront.  For me it was just a matter of being able to accept a situation I could not change. I wanted very much to be willing, and thought I was until the opportunity to move back to my normal seemed like a very real possibility.  When that didn’t happen I was quickly before the Lord asking Him to help me re-adjust my perspective, change my focus, desiring to be abundantly satisfied in Him regardless of my circumstances, and knowing that is His desire for me.  I needed Him to heal my disappointed heart so that I could move forward.

I love Christmas, and I am so grateful that it comes this year at a time when Jesus is “fixing me”.  Because all that Christmas is, makes shifting my focus so much easier, but I must choose. And it is a choice. You, and I, must choose to shift our gaze and dwell on the divine, not the disappointments.  I am praying you choose joy, that same joy heralded by the angels to frightened shepherds, deep joy that a Savior was born.  Yes, Christmas is about us and our need to be saved from the sin that enslaved us. The Savior came, lived and died, then rose again to bring us abundant life here and eternal life with Him when this life is over. Choose to rest in the peace that the gift of Christmas provides,the peace of a quiet but powerful presence, the very presence of God, with us. Choose hope, the hope promised Mary that she grabbed hold of that enabled her to accept her very frightening, confusing, precarious, unbelievable situation.  That same hope is available to us. It is Christ Himself and the riches of His great grace, grace that does not abandon but overshadows. Yes, it overshadows all our sorrow, all our need, all our disappointment, all our confusion and fear. Choose to adore Him for this wonderful gift, a gift of unconditional and forever love that never disappoints.

Mary was told, “For the Word of God will never fail.  Mary responded, “I am the Lord’s servant; let it be to me according to your word.”  

Abundant satisfaction comes at the moment we surrender to God in faith, accepting whatever He is doing (or not doing) in our lives at any given time.  For Mary this was demonstrated in a lifetime of hope, hope in the very child she had born, one day seeing him die for her as the very son of God, her Savior and mine.  For us, it is sometimes easier experienced though, than explained to others.

In the mid 1980’s, Mom and Dad Harding (my in-laws) found themselves without a ministry, with no income, and facing the loss of their home and a move to, well, somewhere.  We were there the day all their furnishings were auctioned off, personal possessions that could fit in their car and ours were packed, and a lock put on the house. They came to stay with us for a while, until another ministry opened up.  It was a time of healing from the hurt and loss. But they kept joy and hope that God had plans. They eventually did find themselves in another ministry but not for very long. Dad’s health worsened and the Lord finally took him home in March of 1991.  Mom was left alone. She still had her children, but they were scattered and living lives of their own, and except for Roger and me, not living for the Lord which was a continual heartbreak for her. But I remember hearing her the morning of the funeral on her knees in her bedroom crying, and praying a verse of Scripture from Isaiah, “Lord, please be my husband. I don’t even know what to do next.”  (Isaiah 54:5 For thy Maker is thy husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.) You see, for years, Dad had been Mom’s eyes. She has suffered with retinitis pigmentosa for nearly 40 years, progressively going blind. In Dad’s last years, as his health deteriorated, he had encouraged her to go through the training to use a low-vision cane and she had done that. Little did she know it would be guiding her as she walked everywhere after Dad was gone.  And finances? Now what would she do? Well, the Lord had been working even when she was not aware and Dad’s time in the military would end up providing for her for the rest of her life because of an injury he had sustained that eventually contributed to his early death. The Lord put just the right people in her life that asked just the right questions and made the inquiries for funds that she would never have imagined would be available to her after Dad was gone. And now? After a year alone in Ohio, we were able to have Mom come to live in Beckley near us, in a senior independent living facility.  And she did just that, lived independently for 19 years before coming to live on the farm in a second home on the property, the farm we purchased five years ago. After two major life-threatening surgeries in 2017, and a fall in July of this year, she is now living in our home with me as her primary caregiver.

Why share a bit of her story?  Because Mom could have lived a life of self-pity, indulging in the lie that God had abandoned her but she has always chosen to see the good in every situation, or that God could bring from every situation, even losing her husband and home (Mom has never again owned another home). Mom is no saint. Neither am I, but she is an example of how God has a way of making a way for His children, sometimes in spite of us.  Choosing to trust opens the door to being abundantly satisfied in Him. There continue to be daily struggles and challenges for sure. They do not just go away. This is not about finding some source of freedom from fiery trials. No, it’s about being abundantly satisfied in Him, living life by faith with joy that gives strength to keep living by faith with joy….abundantly satisfied in Him.

This Christmas season finds us under a great deal of pressure, dizzy from being pulled in different directions, having to adjust yet again to major life changes and roles.  But choosing to accept what God is doing in our lives right now rather than fume or fret over it brings that abundant satisfaction. There are some tears no doubt, and lots of prayers, but at the same time confidence in His great faithfulness.  

He is in the business of fixing the broken focus. He fixes me, every.single.time.

I can not but adore Him.  

Keeping Hope Alive

“In everything [even the storms, italics mine] you are enriched by Him.”  I Corinthians 1:5

Are you weary tender heart?

Be glad of pain.

In sorrow sweetest virtues grow, as flowers in rain.

God watches, and you will have sun,

When clouds their perfect work have done.  

___Lucy Larcom, Streams in the Desert

Nearly a year ago now the clouds began to descend.  There had been a few squalls, but nothing like this.  The dark, destructive storm cloud spread over us and relentlessly rained down the unexpected and undesired.  For the past ten months or so now there has been one hardship, one difficulty, one blow after another.  It has tried its best to beat us down in its destructive wake.  But even the rumblings and thunderings have been a comfort; even the fierce winds are soothing; even the sharp lightnings have spoken peace to our hearts...because we are sheltered.  We are safe in the care of our God.  That assurance has not lessened the impact of the sudden and unexpected set of circumstances we found ourselves in, and not due to any choice of our own.  But then things often happen that are beyond our control, especially as it relates to the choices of others that directly affect us, and that sting is an especially nasty one.

I remember talking on occasion with my Dad (I call him Diddy) when something would happen...an engine would blow in a car, someone lost a job, someone has cancer and he would calmly say, “Sug (pronounced shug, short for sugar!), it’s just one of those things.”  He wasn’t being nonchalant or unfeeling.  He was just saying in few words that life happens.  There are some things that just come with living this life and we’re better off to embrace it for what it is and trust God through it rather than resist it or resent it or try to control it in someway.  

That dark cloud?  We lost over half our income in a very unexpected, cutthroat manner.  Just like that, ten years callously thrown in our face. But oh we have seen the hand of God at work in it all, protecting, providing, guiding, sustaining, directing.  Just like Joseph of old in the Scripture we can say, “You meant it for evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20).  And there has been a lot of good, glimmers of His light in the dark cloud, reassuring us of His presence.  One of those is the fact that my mother-in-law is still with us.  Since December we have been to doctor’s, specialists visits, tests, hospital ER’s, only to have an ulcer finally perforate leaving her septic.  A four-week hospital stay, another four-week nursing home stay followed.  She’s 82.  I could not leave her alone in a hospital, traumatized over an hour away.  Roger came practically every day.  She is home now, but still having therapy 2-3 times a week.  Daily care for her and oversight of her medications, continued doctor’s visits is ongoing.  

We’ve also been able to see a family business come to fruition during this time.  My son has been praying for some time and sensed the time was right to take the plunge and take oversight of Top Knot Coffee and Artisan Shop.  It’s alpaca themed, an expansion of the farm (that some might think we would have lost by now, and we’re very aware of that very real possibility as the storm continues; but so far God has chosen otherwise and we are grateful and humbled).  But even in all the excitement and the demands of getting the shop up and going, Dan and Steph lost their 7th child.  Yet another completely unexpected heartbreak.  Asher Lee was birthed stillborn April 24th.  We have grieved and cried, and seen God give great grace and comfort to keep us moving forward even in the heartbreak.  

Ever tried to wait out a storm only to feel like it’s never going to end?  Well, not done yet!  On the farm there has been one equipment failure after another with limited to no funds for repairs, leaving my husband heavy with the weight of seeing our beautiful farm somewhat a mess.  But even in this, the raw beauty shines through.  Yes, there are parts that are not neatly landscaped.  The flower beds are a bit overgrown, but the animals are healthy, the pastures are green, and a garden is growing.  

Financially our resources have dwindled, especially with the start up of the Coffee shop...but it IS started, and with no debt.  Dan left a stable income to be the proprietor, and why not?  Three incomes down?  All the more opportunity for God to show Himself very real, and very involved in our lives.  If we fail, it won’t be because we didn’t try or because God is not faithful.  It will be because His plans for us involve something different that He has not chosen to show us...just yet!  One of the key thoughts for us in all of this that has helped us keep our eyes on Christ and off of ourselves (pity parties are such a waste!) is, that this is not about us.  It really isn’t.  We’re involved, yes.  We’re staying in His Word, praying, attempting to honor Christ in our situation and we know He will care for us.  This is about what He chooses for us at any given time, and believe me, I am constantly throwing myself at His feet and leaning hard on His promises, allowing His great grace to wash over me.  If not , the flesh takes over way too often and the emotions get all out of control….and God is limited.  

We’re not sure where it’s all going, where we will end up, how it will all turn out.  What we do know is that the storm will end.  We belong to Christ and we can trust Him.  That’s not a flippant acceptance of something I can’t change, or a “Christian cliche or platitude” (I hate those).  That is a reality that changes me and keeps me tender, and allows God to continue to work.  It releases the power of Christ to accomplish His plan and purpose in my storm.  And let me say this….this is “my storm”.  I do not get involved in the business of comparing storms.  Oh there are so many hurting people out there.  I can see people reeling from the devastation a dark storm cloud has left.  People I love, and even people I don’t know, dealing with death and loss, crushed relationships, poverty, sickness, and the babies...the babies I have prayed for lately that are suffering from complications at birth; the parents making heart-wrenching decisions.  But I trust them to Christ also.  I offer compassion, not judgment.  Help, not those useless platitudes, which means sometimes, nothing is the best thing to say. Just pray and be available.  They don’t even have to know you are doing it!  

When the storms come, and they will, lean hard on Jesus.  He is faithful.  He is strong.  He is sweet and ever so tender as a loving forever friend is.  He’s not necessarily keeping all the bad from happening--no, a friend can’t do that.  But He is close, breathing His precious promises into my soul, keeping hope alive.  

God watches, and you will see the sun!  

Some Bible passages that I have held onto lately:  

“Let us your servants, see you work again; let our children see your glory. And may the Lord our God show us His approval and make our efforts successful.  Yes, make our efforts successful!”  Psalm 90: 16-17

“And now Lord, I am your servant; do as you have promised concerning me and my family.  May it be a promise that will last forever. And may your name be established and honored forever.”  I Chronicles 17: 23-24

“We put our hope in the Lord.  He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name.  Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.”  Psalm 33: 20-22

Long, Dry Summer

All summer long I have fought to pick up the pen. There have been days I thought I would explode if I did not. I was wakened in the middle of the night with things on my heart and mind, but could not put them in words. It was back in May when I last posted, shortly after Ronnie was killed.

As May ran into June, my emotions for a while were much like those late Spring and early Summer days…very unpredictable. In the 15 years we’ve lived here in these West Virginia mountains I’ve learned one thing, the weather can and will change very quickly. I identified this year with the message of the seasons, to expect the unexpected. In just a short span of time I went from heartbreak to overwhelming joy, and several ranges in between.

Some days it was hard to think clearly. The days were rapidly racing by, and where was I? Somewhere on the sidelines trying to get a grip.

Just as each season offers its unique characteristic to savor and enjoy, each experience brings with it an opportunity to learn more, to love deeper, and to laugh often. And laugh I must, for “a merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” (Roger and I took an online stress test. His results: you are stress free for life, but you’re driving everyone else crazy! My results: you need medication NOW!! What do they know???)

As I look back over the last few months I am aware of just how fragile life really is. I am quieted when remembering how painful and yet how joyful the moments can be. I am amazed with my unchanging God and His faithfulness in my life and in the lives of many I cherish.

Ronnie’s mom, sister and nephew have been coming to church. We have seen several of our “ranch” guys trust Christ and after discipling, are ready to be baptized in October. We welcomed our 8th grandchild into the world, a miracle baby, after Rebecca experienced a 7-week long hospital stay. We have prayed and watched as God continues to keep His healing hand on little Ephraim Josiah, overcoming all odds against him; and on Seth and Rebecca with the challenges they have faced and continue to face with their precious gift. We also rejoiced with Brent and Tonia as little Naomi made her entrance shortly after Ephraim. Our nephew was here for the summer, and as quickly as he came, he returned home. Rog and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary with a few days away to reflect on the years and blessings, the children and now grandchildren, the friends…all that God has given us together. Even with the few heartaches along the way, it really has been a wonderful life.

We wrapped up the summer with school shopping for our 10 guys, and a week long “Ranch vacation” in a beautiful cabin on the Little Pigeon River in Pigeon Forge, TN.

Autumn quickly approaches now with its beauty and brisk weather, and I’m sure it will bring its own unexpected changes and challenges. When the world gets a little crazy as it can now and then, I will need a pleasant place to plant my feet and get a grip. Christ is both that Person and that Place. He is gently leading through the changing seasons.


“You are my hiding place.” Psalm 32: 7a