I found myself thinking today of why it's harder some days than others to live completely abandoned to Jesus. Am I the only one that struggles with feelings of failure, this disappointment with myself in having disappointed my Savior? Sure, I keep my chin up; it doesn't cripple me, but that is only because I'm constantly walking in His love (I keep going, knowing He loves me without condition), keenly aware of His grace and the fact that without Him I can do nothing (John 15). I'm crying out to God, often moment by moment, for His help, His mercy, the ability to trust Him more, a joyful acceptance of His ways especially when I don't understand; the ability to banish fears, the ability to love the way He loves, the ability to set aside all the surface stuff and just be consumed with all that He is. When the flesh (the part of me that would live consumed with self without God) rears it's ugly head, an all-out battle begins. Utter abandonment to Jesus is all that saves me from utter wretchedness.
Absolute abandonment Lord,
it’s what you want from me all along.
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.
Content to stay and face the daily grind
Is not my heart’s honest condition
But to ask and seek is to find
And when I lay it all on the line
The Father gently smiles on my submission.
Absolute abandonment,
Why did I resist you for so long?
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.
What’s ahead if I let go?
Is it for me to even know?
Abandoned to His love I’m in His arms.
His will is where I find my resting place.
Why wrestle with a God so wise and strong?
I know His love’s surrounding me
It’s where I know I want to be
My soul is done with this struggle hard and long.
Absolute abandonment,
It’s what you’ve wanted from me all along
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Desiring Rest
Is it really August?? I find myself shaking my head in unbelief these days as time continues to fly by, and realize how tired I am. Rest. .. I had one of the most restful days at home recently in a long time...months. It was one of those quiet, lazy days, nowhere to rush off to. Much needed sleep, some sun-soaking, some reading, a little TV (Monk, my favorite! I can just so relate to him!). Then, it was back to reality.
Maybe it was because I had so immensely enjoyed the respite. My mind seemed to be in gear, though the body was still lagging a bit. Well, maybe the mind wasn't all there either, but regardless, I was back to the fast-paced demands of my daily responsibilities.
It didn't take long back in "the thick of things" and the pressure started to mount. In addition to the mounting pressures and demands, an oppression began to creep over me. I fought through, praying, holding on to Scripture. Before going to bed, I flipped on the TV and Joyce Myers was on. I was reminded of how important the peace of God is and how directly related it is to the power available to me through Christ. Without the power of Christ resting on me, without resting in Him, I am rendered useless, weak, and ineffective.
I know this, so what was the problem? How was it that the restful bliss I enjoyed just yesterday had so quickly escaped me? I was craving it again, rest. “Oh that I had wings like a dove; I would fly away and be at rest”, the psalmist cried (Psalms 55:6). No, flying away was not the answer, but I could identify with the longing of the psalmist in those words. But, fly to Jesus! Now that was possible!
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” Matthew 11:29
Learn of me, Jesus says, and you will find rest…”unto your souls”. When the soul is at rest, all is well. No one had more demands on him than Jesus in the course of a day. He admonished his disciples to “come apart awhile”. Physical and emotional rest is necessary. But he also met these demands through prayer and dependence on His Father. So must I. A wise friend once told me, “Ang, God will never expect more from you than you are able to accomplish with His enablement, but man will.” Has that ever proven true! Learning to say no…I’ll save that for another day.
I fly to Jesus on a moment by moment basis. If I don’t, I’m quickly wearied spiritually. I appropriate His peace through thinking on His Word and trying to apply His principles of living…learning of Him and how he would deal with pressures, deal with people, juggle a sometimes exhausting schedule. I listen to music that encourages and uplifts, helps direct my thoughts. I pray. In other words, in times when physical rest is just not possible, and the “outward man is perishing” (2 Corinthians 4:16), I rest internally. And I resolve that by the grace of God
I will remain calm.
I will draw on joy for strength.
I will be at peace, for He is my peace.
I will rest in Him the Restorer and Refresher of my soul.
He is my Strong Tower, my Refuge.
He is my Rock, solid and unchanging.
He is Rest.
So, are there days I would love for my only worry in the world to be “if the tide will reach my chair”? (thank you Zac Brown Band for those happy thoughts!) Believe me, I enjoy those times as much as the next person and am grateful for every one of them. Sand, sky, ocean breezes…I think of them often. And even though that’s not my life most days, life is good, and comes with all the Rest in the world!
Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
For You have rescued my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
My feet from stumbling. Psalm 116: 7-8
Maybe it was because I had so immensely enjoyed the respite. My mind seemed to be in gear, though the body was still lagging a bit. Well, maybe the mind wasn't all there either, but regardless, I was back to the fast-paced demands of my daily responsibilities.
It didn't take long back in "the thick of things" and the pressure started to mount. In addition to the mounting pressures and demands, an oppression began to creep over me. I fought through, praying, holding on to Scripture. Before going to bed, I flipped on the TV and Joyce Myers was on. I was reminded of how important the peace of God is and how directly related it is to the power available to me through Christ. Without the power of Christ resting on me, without resting in Him, I am rendered useless, weak, and ineffective.
I know this, so what was the problem? How was it that the restful bliss I enjoyed just yesterday had so quickly escaped me? I was craving it again, rest. “Oh that I had wings like a dove; I would fly away and be at rest”, the psalmist cried (Psalms 55:6). No, flying away was not the answer, but I could identify with the longing of the psalmist in those words. But, fly to Jesus! Now that was possible!
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” Matthew 11:29
Learn of me, Jesus says, and you will find rest…”unto your souls”. When the soul is at rest, all is well. No one had more demands on him than Jesus in the course of a day. He admonished his disciples to “come apart awhile”. Physical and emotional rest is necessary. But he also met these demands through prayer and dependence on His Father. So must I. A wise friend once told me, “Ang, God will never expect more from you than you are able to accomplish with His enablement, but man will.” Has that ever proven true! Learning to say no…I’ll save that for another day.
I fly to Jesus on a moment by moment basis. If I don’t, I’m quickly wearied spiritually. I appropriate His peace through thinking on His Word and trying to apply His principles of living…learning of Him and how he would deal with pressures, deal with people, juggle a sometimes exhausting schedule. I listen to music that encourages and uplifts, helps direct my thoughts. I pray. In other words, in times when physical rest is just not possible, and the “outward man is perishing” (2 Corinthians 4:16), I rest internally. And I resolve that by the grace of God
I will remain calm.
I will draw on joy for strength.
I will be at peace, for He is my peace.
I will rest in Him the Restorer and Refresher of my soul.
He is my Strong Tower, my Refuge.
He is my Rock, solid and unchanging.
He is Rest.
So, are there days I would love for my only worry in the world to be “if the tide will reach my chair”? (thank you Zac Brown Band for those happy thoughts!) Believe me, I enjoy those times as much as the next person and am grateful for every one of them. Sand, sky, ocean breezes…I think of them often. And even though that’s not my life most days, life is good, and comes with all the Rest in the world!
Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
For You have rescued my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
My feet from stumbling. Psalm 116: 7-8
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