A Manger Memory

"Emmanuel, God with us" This reality has rung in my ears over and over again this Christmas. "What is man that Thou art mindful of him? and the son of man that Thou visitest him?" (Ps. 8:4) It is an awesome and overwhelming thought that God the Creator would make a way for us to not only know Him through His dear Son, but would allow for His abiding presence with us always. And not just that we can come to Him, but He came to us.

Roger and I have always made it a practice to read the Christmas story together as a family on Christmas morning before opening gifts and beginning our day. We knew this year would be different primarily because we'd be spending Christmas at the ranch with "our boys" there, those that did not have families to spend time with, or families they could not be with. Rog suggested we do something a little different.

So last night on Christmas Eve, we gathered down in the barn. We invited the girls' cottage next door and our resident wrangler and her family that was visiting, to join us. Rog placed a manger, one used in countless manger scenes and Christmas plays, in an empty straw-strewn stall. With a couple of horses occasionally snorting, the barn cats mewing at the invasion of their space, and the smell of wood and hay and leather in the air, we crowded in that little stall around the manger and listened in the quiet as Rog read the Christmas story from Luke. I then began singing Away in a Manger, then Silent Night as everyone joined in.

We worshiped last night in that barn stall, and celebrated the presence of our Savior who was with us in a very real way. Some of the kids wanted explanations..."what's a manger anyway...what does swaddling clothes mean??" The beautiful story so familiar to me is still foreign to many.

We have so many wonderful Christmas memories, time with family, time with special friends, times with our dear church family. Our boys are now making memories of their own with the beautiful families God has given them. And even though Rog and I celebrate a little differently than we used to, we're still making memories.

Standing in the quiet of that rough stall last night I thanked Jesus that He "became flesh and dwelt among us, and for the promise of his abiding presence still.

Beauty in Simplicity

God knows what I need and when I need it. I am so easily overwhelmed when I'm tired. My thoughts get cloudy and my mood meloncholy. I need quiet. I need life to slow down a bit and not be so demanding. But we know that's not always possible. Sometimes we must push through relying on the grace of God and His joy which is our strength. And His grace is even more precious when we are at the end of ourselves and know it His grace sustaining us.

But then there are those moments...and yes they are often just moments...that He allows us to have some sought out solitude, a tiny respite from the craziness. Like today, right now. Even though life is pressing, I pause to enjoy the scene outside my window. A soft, steady snow is falling. From a full, gray sky it blankets the earth and calls me to stop and take notice of the beauty and simplicity of this season.

Maybe for you it is the laughter of a child, the warm glow of a candle, a soft breeze on your face, the peaceful breathing of a sleeping baby, a favorite song on the radio that draws you to sing along. Whatever it is, don't let the moment slip by unnoticed. These are just a few of the many ways the Lord expresses His love for us, assures us of His presence with us. We can't afford to pass this by.

I have learned to treasure the beauty and simplicity of these moments as a gift from my Father who knows where I am and what I need.

Hope Now

If there was one thing stirred in the hearts of many this year concerning the 2008 election, it was hope, hope for change. I don’t doubt the hope was real, just perhaps misplaced.

Proverbs 23:18 says, “For surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.” The KJV renders it this way: “For surely there is an end; and thine expectation shall not be cut off.” Hope is the expectation of a desired end. But for hope to be more than just wishful thinking, it has to be grounded in something more than just our expectations or we will be sorely disappointed when hopes are not realized.

Hope cannot rest in a man or in an ideal. Even for the believer, hope standing alone is diminished. “And now abides faith, hope, love, these three” (I Cor. 13: 13). The believer has hope and can rest assured our hopes will be realized because it rests in the Eternal God. This hope is grounded in faith, our faith in Christ and His faithfulness to His Word. His promises are sure because His Word is authoritative and eternal Truth. His promises are a testimony to His character, who He is and what He has done, and they do not change.

Our hope is grounded in faith, and it is fueled and energized by love. We love Him, we wait for Him, because He first loved us (I John 4:19). When we grasp the great reality of God’s love for us and know that it will not let us go there is every reason to have faith, to keep believing; thus hope is flamed.

Hope is an amazing thing, but hopes dashed are devastating. And what does this have to do with the recent election? This election brought out a great passion in people on both ends of the political spectrum. Issues, philosophies, even our very system of government in this country were brought into question. Hatred reared its ugly head in the form of feminism, racism, extremism, and yes, even socialism in its rudimentary ideology.

Being involved in choosing our country’s leadership wouldn’t be an issue if we lived in one of those countries or cultures where the system of government doesn’t allow for that. It would be decided for us. Being involved, and the degree to which we become involved is an area we must rely on the wisdom and leadership of the spirit of God to help us decide. There is no debating our responsibility to pray “for kings, and for all that are in authority" (I Tim. 2: 1-3). We also have the admonition to “render to Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s" (Matt. 22:21). We must also use discernment in determining when the authorities God has ordained (Rom. 13) would cause us to deny or dishonor God as our ultimate authority, leaving us no choice but to “obey God rather than man” (Acts 5:29).

Paul encouraged those that struggled with eating meat offered to idols, believing that to do so brought them into the pagan idolatry, to consider not only what was “lawful”, but what was “expedient”; some things are not necessary, but are allowed. We know “that there is none other God but one” (I Cor. 8: 4), and we serve Him. His kingdom is not of this world (John 18:36). But God has instituted and ordained government for our good (Rom 13: 1-7) and uses even pagan leadership to His purposes (consider Nebuchadnezzar, Darius, Artaxerxes for instance). Also, we are stewards of that which is committed to us (the country and culture in which we live) and we are to be responsible and faithful in that stewardship (I Cor. 4:2). And we must live before God with a pure conscience, trusting Him to teach us. Therefore, “let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind” because “whatever is not of faith is sin” (Romans 14: 5, 23).

We involve ourselves everyday in systems and services that are not necessarily biblical. In other words, there are a lot of areas out there that aren’t clear cut as to whether or not being involved would associate us with something that would dishonor God in some way. I was taught as a young Christian that to go to movies was to associate myself with and support, an “evil” industry set on destroying values and morality; I was taught that to buy groceries from a grocery store that sold alcohol or cigarettes was again, putting my dollars in support of those things. I could list other examples. I grappled with these issues, not wanting to disappoint my Savior and be anything other than a faithful witness for Him. But I soon realized that first and foremost, I could not live a victorious Christian life with guilt over one issue or another. I also understood that I am responsible for the impression of Christ I leave with others. I had to study the Scripture for myself where these issues were concerned, come to a conclusion before God on these issues, and then live these beliefs out. This also meant respecting those that viewed things differently, often becoming the “weaker brother’ (I Cor 8: 9) rather than being offended by another’s liberty, and on the other hand never using my liberty “as an occasion of offense or stumbling” if I could help it.

I have chosen to be involved in the political process, the privilege to vote and support one candidate or the other, the opportunity to let my voice be heard on important issues facing our nation today. But I do so with a keen awareness of my ultimate allegiance to the Eternal God, to “the Lord Jesus Christ…who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords (I Tim. 6:15); confidently assured that “the kings heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: He turns it whatever way He determines” (Prov 21:1); He “is the judge; He putteth down one, and setteth up another” (Ps. 75:7). I am careful to search the Scripture to avoid forming opinions and making decisions based solely on how I feel, what I prefer, or how my economic situation will be affected (as my mom used to say, “it all comes down to the almighty dollar”.) And I do so not with a misplaced hope for a bright future in a man, an ideal, or a system of government, but with a hope “both sure and steadfast” (Heb. 6: 17-19) in the God of the future, Jesus Christ “the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending” (Rev. 1: 8).


My thoughts were jarred sitting in our Wednesday night Bible study as my pastor/husband directed us to the verse from Proverbs about hope and “an expected end”. I had muddled through these thoughts over the past months as I grew weary of the political battle, bias, and bunk. I struggled initially with putting all my thoughts into words and with the need to even do so. I felt compelled to examine once again why I do what I do. I have over the years had a tendency to be both patriotic and passionate about issues of conscience, and about my country. Is it a nation of great spiritual barrenness? I believe it is as barren as it has ever been. But I have enjoyed so much of its beauty, its freedoms, its traditional historical ideals. Then, on a daily basis I am surrounded by those with dashed hopes and misplaced trust and have no faith in anyone or anything, God or country. They own no heritage, know no greater culture outside the small world that is their reality whatever that may be. It is a generation bereft of values, morals, and ideals that has dismissed God and His Sovereignty and sacrificed a common good for a selfish individualism. Yet, they clamor for a genuine love, a faith in something or someone bigger than themselves, and just a glimmer of hope for a decent future. So when someone promising change and promoting hope comes on the scene, well, this is where we are.

I then questioned my passion and the urgency with which I share the message of hope I have in Christ. Was I doing all I could do? Was the church? Have we failed in many respects? Yes, but then righteous Noah preached faithfully for 120 years to see only his family respond because “the wickedness of man was great upon the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually” (Gen. 6:5), and thank God he at least saw his family saved, which should be an example to all of us. It was the reassurance from the Word on that Wednesday evening as the verse sailed off the page about my “expectation not being cut off” that I was encouraged and settled, and my thoughts about hope and this election started to make sense at least to me. Then, just this evening as I drove across town a new release on the radio caught my attention. It solidified in my mind that a message of “faith, hope, and love, these three” was a reminder from the Lord for these tumultuous times. I leave you with this:

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters
all I want is the shore
You say I’ll be okay and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

refrain & chorus from Hope Now; Addison Road

Faith and Forgiveness

"And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God... Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any, that your Father which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses." Mark 11: 22, 24-25.

Unforgiveness weakens and often destroys the opportunity to pray and believe God for what we ask. Earlier in this chapter we see Jesus curse a fig tree because it was not bearing fruit. Then later that same day when walking again past the same tree, Peter is amazed to see that the tree Jesus cursed had withered. What did Peter expect?

Jesus goes on to explain to Peter that faith in God can be mountain-moving! Jesus says "if you ask not doubting in your heart, but believing that those things you pray for will come to pass, you'll have them." But then He says, " when you stand praying, forgive...". Jesus makes a direct connection between unanswered prayer and unforgiveness.

If God can move mountains because we pray exercising faith in Him, certainly He can enable us to forgive. But it's not usually about our ability to forgive, it's about our willingness to do so.

Forgiveness for many seems to be too much to ask. I've often had young people and adults alike respond to the encouragement to forgive; "you don't understand, you don't know what they've done to me! You don't know what they've put me through!" And my heart aches, because I see their pain and know their hurt is real and deep. Forgiveness seems impossible, and just too hard.

But when is the last time you saw a mountain moved into the sea? Yes forgiveness is hard, very hard. But it is possible, and it is very necessary.

1. It's possible because we have the power of God through mountain-moving faith, the promise of His Word, and the Spirit of God to enable and strengthen us. In other words, we don't go it alone!
2. It's necessary, for our own forgiveness. "What do I need to be forgiven for?" you may ask. "I'm the one that has been wronged here." Perhaps the unwillingness to forgive.

Even if the power of forgiveness never reaches the one you are forgiving (which it will often do), when you forgive you are freed from the weight that unforgiveness becomes. You are freed to receive the blessings God has for those who obey Him. You are freed to grow in your relationship with Christ, not having your fellowship broken because of disobedience and an unwillingness to take Him at His word. You may not be able to see at the onset how you could possibly do as He asks. This is where faith takes hold as you simply obey.

Remember the fig tree? When Jesus said that no one would eat its fruit from that point on, it withered. Don't allow unforgiveness to cause your faith in God to wither and die. As difficult as it may be, forgive, and keep your faith growing and thriving. After all, there may be a mountain or two you may need to see God move for you later on down the road.

"Since God is a patient God, when we abandon patience we miss the opportunity to show our world the glory of God through our lives. Bursts of impatience only demonstrate that we are more concerned with our own agendas than the needs and struggles of others. So let’s take a deep breath and turn our focus away from ourselves by patiently loving others in the midst of stress. Be patient. Show your world what God is really like.” (Our Daily Bread, 9-25-08)

Waiting. On first thought, I considered myself a pretty patient person. I seldom become exasperated waiting in the Walmart line…I always pick the wrong one anyway; I seldom fall victim to road rage…I know there are very few perfect drivers like myself; long waits in lobbies for a doctor’s appointment…no problem, I usually get engrossed in a magazine article I rarely get to finish as it is.

But as I contemplated further, I realized that most of my waiting had been done in seasons, some of them quite long. And patience did not always have its perfect work while trusting God to work.

I prayed, and fretted, and saw God do a lot of changing in my own heart and life while waiting for nearly ten years to seemy parents turn fully to God. By the time my own children were old enough to really get to know and love their grandparents, they were different people than they had been as my parents. But that took time, and God’s great grace.

I prayed, and fretted, and saw God do a lot of changing in my own heart while waiting for years to see God heal a bitter relationship between my mother and my grandmother. They were both finally able to see the Lord help them set aside a lifetime of pain and hurt, and experience love and acceptance and forgiveness before the Lord took my grandmother home. But that took time, and God’s great grace.

I prayed, and fretted, and saw God do a lot of changing in my own heart while waiting several years to see change and healing come to a church, and us ultimately directed to another ministry in another part of the country. I could not see it at the time, but would we have been open to relocating under other circumstances? That took time, and God’s great grace.

Once again, I prayed, I fretted, I pleaded with God for nearly three years to open a door of escape when I was in a situation I thought I could not endure much longer. The hurt, the disappointment, the spiritual abuse that I saw taking place, the oppression, the anger, all the self-examination and near despondency when God was silent. All that, to see God in one swift move, take me higher and give me what I did not think possible. All the tears, all the grieving, then joy and contentment. But that took time, and God’s great grace.

My son Aaron recently called and left a quote on my voicemail: “God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him, even in suffering.” Isn’t that the very core of patience, being satisfied in Him?

“Knowing this, that the trying of your faith works patience, but let patience have her perfect work that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting [lacking] nothing”, James 1: 3-4.

A Leap of Faith

“Ye also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house…to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.” I Peter 2:5

Some days I don’t feel like I’m being built up. Some days I feel more like life is beating me down. When life gets complicated, when burdens get heavy, when I get tired, disappointed, it’s so easy for my focus to shift from joy in Jesus to unruly unrest.

Faith needs to be continually exercised and spiritual stamina bolstered because life is demanding. Just when I think my faith has been challenged, and stretched, and tested to the limit, God begins to change the limit and move me forward! The goal? To build me up.

This is more often than not, uncomfortable, even painful. But this is both the mystery and strength of faith. We don’t set the limits! God does. And if our faith is resting in Him, it will be enough. I can always count on Him, and on His Word to provide the stability I need amidst all the unrest.

I am experiencing God’s perfect timing in the work of faith He is doing in me again. As if to remind me of what’s happening, when I am in need of “being built up”, Rog gets to the book of Hebrews in his chronological study of the Scripture that he has been taking us through at church. It’s one thing to read of the victories and triumphs, all accomplished by faith, but the turn that triumph takes in Hebrews 11: 35 is a heart-stopper; “Women received their dead raised to life again; and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance….and others….they were stoned, they were torn asunder….”. Not exactly what we might first consider triumphant faith.

Sounds like they were a little beaten down themselves.

God says they all obtained a good report through faith (v. 39).

As a “living stone”, I do not want my faith to stagnate. I want my faith to be strong, and vibrant, and active. But I must trust a loving Father to determine the path my faith will take in its triumph, and determine to trust Him. A painful triumph is still a triumph. A vibrant, built-up faith will be a sacrifice God will be pleased to accept and honor.

It’s time to take another leap of faith.

Do you love me?

I had begun to question my love for the children that God has entrusted to Rog and me to care for. I can't help but get attached, personally involved; I can't help but love them. And when they make poor choices, I hurt for them, but don't tire of them. It only serves to increase my awareness of their great need, and I love them even more. But when they leave, often with no notice, no closure, it's very difficult.

Most don't understand the tears. And because they come often, some might be tempted to see me as an emotional mess. It was the same when I was teaching. In fact, another teacher once told me I'd be much better off to distance myself from the children (whatever that means), and just enjoy teaching the material. But I wasn't there to simply teach material. I was there to teach children.

Still, I understand the need to keep a balance and let the Spirit of God rule rather than my emotions. I felt in my heart this was true for me, but needed the reassurance from the Word to quiet my heart and keep me from discouragement. I needed to know that my feelings had not been able to overshadow my judgment, as strong as they sometimes could be.

So, I opened my Bible for my morning devotions, and there was the answer I had been asking the Lord for. "Do you love me? ...Feed my sheep" John 21:15-17. After reading the passage, a pointed question in Our Daily Bread for the day got my attention; "Jesus didn't ask Peter if he loved His sheep, but if he loved Him." Once Peter affirmed his love for Christ, he was told to feed His sheep.

Loving Jesus with all my heart, and allowing Him to love them through me, deepens my love from simply an emotion to a purposeful action of Christ Himself. It provides the balance and the motivation to continue loving, in spite of the hurt, in spite of the misunderstanding.

All at once I knew that if I ever lost this passion, it would be my love for Christ that would first be in question, not my love for others. And that's not what I ever want to happen. So, to keep it all in perspective I will return to this question often..."Do you love me?"

Camping by the Waters

What a flurry of activity we have had this summer! School will be starting in just a couple of weeks. We started the summer with Seth and Rebecca's wedding over Memorial weekend, and a precious time with all the family. We've experienced the excitement of the news that two new grandbabies are on the way - Aaron and Martha in October, and Josh and Christina in February. The month of June was just a blur as we spent extended time "on cottage" at the ranch so that all other staff could rotate their vacation times as well. Then, 4th of July festivities, Ashley and Adam's wedding and Bible school which included time with our twin nephews. July was also the beginning of Operation De-clutter I started calling it...a time of cleaning house, complete with an ordered dumpster that we filled!

August began with another wedding (Tara and Jamie's), time with Brent and Tonia and a trip to River Valley Ranch in Md to see Aaron. He flew in from Maui for a week of teen camp as the speaker. How awesome to see him "in action" with the teens and their tremendous response to the messages and to him personally. They just love him. We would see him during the day with his Bible sitting on the bridge or a picnic table with a flock of teens around him, and just thank the Lord. It was also great to be back at RVR after a couple of summers, seeing the Lord working, and then visiting with some special people there. Because we were in Bible school over our
29th anniversary, Rog and I took an extra day for ourselves on the way back, making a stop at Harper's Ferry (visiting historical sights is one of our favorite things!)for the afternoon. We came home and returned to our projects here at home. After somewhat of a color dilemna, we went for a bold change in the living room and painted, chocolate and sage! Rog wondered why the shade of green, but we both love it! Now just the kitchen and downstairs to go!

On the ride home, we looked back over our summer and considered how wonderfully blessed we are. We also considered the news we received of a tragic death of a young man. Although we know God has a huge plan we don't often see, and some storms He simply allows for a greater purpose, we also thought about how powerful and impacting choices are. We made choices early on in our marriage to follow hard after the heart of God, and to make a determined effort to have our children come to know him and have a desire to serve Him. Those choices however, required follow through. They required a daily conscious decision to know God's Word and live by it as He enabled us by His grace. In other words, a life of blessing didn't just happen.

Exodus 15:26 says "If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the Lord thy God and wilt do that which is right in His sight, and wilt give ear to His commandments, and keep all His statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the God that healeth thee."

Have their been difficulties, wilderness times, hurt and heartbreak? Yes, but not because of God's judgment. We have missed out on the heartbreak of living outside His will, and the loss of peace and joy and provision and wisdom and all the other benefits He daily loads us with (Ps 68:19). This is all to the praise of His glory, because He is faithful to His Word. It is His great desire for all His children. The children of Israel were reminded of what the Egyptians had experienced at the hand of God. As one writer explains, "...the same hand that turned water into blood could turn bitter water into sweet. The same power that brought curses on Egypt could bring health to Israel" (Marvin Williams, ODB). In this passage of Scripture the children of Israel went from a place of "no water" (15:22) to "camping [there] by the waters."

"I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live; that thou mayest love the Lord thy God, and that thou mayest obey His voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto Him; for He is thy life, and the length of thy days..." (Deuteronomy 30:19-20).

I'm so grateful to be able to look back and praise God for a life of blessing (and even the hard times were His blessing), and the privilege to camp by the waters!

The Mind of a Teenager

I’ve been thinking a lot about rebellion these days. As Roger and I invest ourselves in the lives of the teen boys that come to the home, some hurt is inevitable. And we do not believe that any are random placements, but rather are directed by God, every child a gift (Ps 127:3). We cannot help but grow to love these boys. And when they make wrong choices, especially choices that impact their futures in ways they are usually not considering at the time, it grieves us. But it also reminds us of the great needs, and we love them even more. Wonderfully, we serve a great God that loves them even more than we do.

As real and serious as rebellion is, I’m not convinced all children that make wrong choices are doing so out of a rebellious heart. Luke 2: 40-52 provided some insight on this. Mary and Joseph had made the annual trek into Jerusalem for the Passover. They were a day’s journey into their return home only to discover that Jesus was not “in the company”. They returned to Jerusalem to find him in the temple.

Jesus was clearly not in rebellion because he failed to be where his parents thought he was. Did they fully understand what Jesus was about? Verse 50 explains they did not. They made assumptions they shouldn’t have made, and had wrong expectations of him, all because they did not understand him.

Well, understanding the mind of a teenager might seem like an impossible feat. It is definitely a challenge, but it’s one that we need to embrace. Learning how they tick is so important. It will be different for each child. It’s especially interesting when they think differently than we do! It might create some clashes from time to time, some tension. It often takes strong and deliberate contemplation before God to “figure that kid out”! But hasty conclusions won’t do. And you’ll never do it apart from simply talking to them either, a lot.

Have they intentionally disobeyed, or was there possibly some misunderstanding? Were expectations clear? Has adequate instruction been provided? What you were trying to teach them, did they get it?? What are they trying to accomplish? What were their motivators or triggers? Young people are usually not thinking beyond the immediate. They’re not weighing all the factors or considering consequences. They're not considering that the process is as important as the end result. They may have an “end justifies the means” philosophy without even realizing it. Are they left feeling that what they think and how they feel is not important?

I Thessalonians 5:14 offers some help in this area, identifying some behaviors in addition to rebellion, and guidance in handling other attitudes and behaviors:

“…warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.”

Rather than be in rebellion, could a young person simply be unruly and would respond to a warning? What about careless, weak, unmotivated, indifferent, foolish children? These all require attention…discipline, structure, firm consistency, support, encouragement, but are far from rebellion at this point, and should be dealt with accordingly. For example, to roughly and sternly warn the weak, laying out ultimatums, could crush them in their insecurity. But to offer support and encouragement, taking a befriending approach to the unruly, could end up enabling them and strengthening them in their behaviors, letting them feel they “got away with it”.

I’m not done with this! And I’m grateful the Scripture abounds with truth and principles to explore and apply, because I’m sure there will be no shortage of hurting young people that need Him and the guidance He provides.

Keepers at Home

I began to grow restless about where I was in the area of my service for the Lord. I was very much involved at church…teaching a ladies Bible class, working a bus route bringing children to church on Sunday mornings, together with my husband directing junior church for over a hundred children on the average each Sunday. I was back in school trying to finish my degree (I had put that on hold to homeschool our boys and allow Rog to finish his Masters), and working part-time at the Bible college I was attending. But sitting in my office one day, I felt stifled by the ‘Christian bubble’ I was in. I was not out in the community nearly as much anymore, speaking to others about Christ. Even though I was confident this was the ministry for me at the time, I missed my contact with “the real world” some would call it. I determined to make sure I was using every opportunity regardless of my primary ministry, to speak out and for Christ. I found some amazing outlets were provided.

When the boys were younger and I was completely occupied at home, I would also have times when I felt like there was more I should be doing for the Lord. Even then, I was working in children’s church, working a bus route, and working with another couple with youth group, singing in the choir, working in the nursery…so it wasn’t like I wasn’t involved. But there were times it was a tremendous challenge with four little ones to be so involved. I struggled between feelings of guilt, pressure, and what my true priorities should be. Through prayer and reading the Word, God would impressed on me the importance and priority of my place in my home with my children at that time. I made some changes and never regretted it.

But then, with my children grown and my responsibilities completely different, I was feeling it again. No guilt this time. I learned my lesson about serving out of guilt and pressure. That’s no service at all. It’s just mostly joyless duty and activity that drains and creates stress. This was more a restlessness and a desire to once again move outside the bubble.

Along with some other stresses and circumstances that were causing me to rethink the place of ministry God had me in at the time, the thought of a making another change wouldn’t leave me. Once again, through prayer and time in God’s Word…nearly a year this time of intense seeking the Lord…doors began to open. Rog came in one afternoon with a complimentary booklet he had received at the church, and I began to read it. About half-way through the booklet, the following statement sailed off the page:

“Your home is the single most powerful arena on earth to change a life for God’.
Bruce Wilkenson, The Prayer of Jabez.

Well, I believed that with all my heart. Rog and I had given ourselves long ago to the very goal of making our home a place where lives were impacted for Christ…the lives of our children first and foremost, then any others God would direct to us. We wanted our home to be a haven, a place of growth and nourishment, a place to think and learn, a place of love, acceptance, and the chance to love in return. We wanted it to be obvious, even when there were challenges and emotions and mistakes and failures, that God was in charge here.

We still believe this. Only now the Lord has “enlarged our tent” to another “home”, one especially for children that we have now been house parents in for nearly two years.

Lesson?? Don’t underestimate the reach of your home…God has graciously allowed us in recent years to see its impact literally around the globe. Once again, no regrets.

“Every wise woman buildeth her house…” Prov 14:1; “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it” Ps 127: 1. This is not a contradiction. Let the Lord build his house through you.

Love your husbands and children

"...teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children..."

I listened as Roger preached from Titus 2, a familiar passage. But my thoughts became hung on the verse above, amazed once again that God would see the need for women to be instructed to love their husbands and children. Doesn't that just come naturally, especially to believers?

Sadly, no. To truly love as God would have us to means to love unselfishly. And sometimes it's difficult to see and admit that loving selfishly is exactly what we're doing. If true love is always doing what is best for the object of that love, it often takes a determined effort to remove self from the picture.

Loving your husband and children should be the most wonderful and fulfilling experience you'll have as a woman. But this can't be the reason you extend yourself and express your love for them. Loving your husband and children cannot be about how it makes you feel or about what you want. Wives and mothers cannot do what they do because of how fulfilling it is. It can't be about being needed or appreciated. If you are to truly love the way God would have you to it must be unconditional.

Unconditional love is unselfish. And loving unconditionally will constrain you to continue loving even when it's hard and it hurts. Selfish love quits, abandons, won't forgive, controls, pouts, and manipulates. It doesn't stop until it has its way.

Of course, this goes against most of today's prevalent philosophies; just consider the pro-choice movement as one example, and the 50/50 marriage mentality for another. And because it is so prevalent in society today, and because it's a part of our very nature to be selfish, God's way of loving must still be taught.

Saying Goodbye

We came home, had a couple of days with Seth and Rebecca before putting them on a plane back to Utah, then it was back to the ranch for the last couple of weeks. I still have days when tears surface as I think of how quickly things change. How precious our time with family and friends is! My tears are definitely happy ones.

It was not too many years ago, Rog and I found ourselves saying goodbye over and over again in just a short period of time, to our own children, to dear friends, to those in our church family that were following the leadership of the Lord as He led them other places to minister. How hard it was! I was drained and feeling quite a void. Finally, as I said goodbye and hung up the phone with yet another dear friend headed back to Korea, I told Rog I was so tired of saying goodbye. It seemed at the time it was all we were doing. He tenderly reminded me how blessed we were to have so many people in our lives to be able to know and love, and say goodbye to.

It was true. And that is how I have tried to see it since then. Does it make it any easier? No, but it has changed my perspective. I don't dread saying goodbye anymore. I don't like it any more than before, but it's one more opportunity to praise the Lord for the blessing of family and friends, for the chance to share and love, to build into each other's lives and make some precious memories. My focus is no longer on me and the loss and void I feel, but on the goodness of God.

So, as God continues to bless with the preciousness of family, and allows us to know and love others as we cross paths, I'll gladly say goodbye for that chance. The joy and blessing is too great to pass up.

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you...because I have you in my heart." Philippians 1: 3, 7

Outer Banks

We’re here, and I can’t escape the overwhelming feeling of having come home. It’s as if it belongs to me, and my heart swells with gratitude for the chance to experience the beauty and meaning of it once again. It will hold even greater significance now, as our last-born takes for himself his bride in this enchanting place later today.

There’s a piece of me here, part of my heritage. Thanks to my parents who loved it and wanted us to know and love it too, I grew up coming here. It was truly an escape at times, from the hectic pace of the very busy and stressed life my parents led. But because of health issues, my dad would often need the relief that the ocean breezes and salt air could provide. So, Mom would get us up in the middle of the night, throw us with blankets and pillows into the station wagon, and off we would go. Just as we crossed the bridge onto the narrow strip of barrier isle, we’d roll the windows down and breathe in the salty air. For Daddy, he would immediately be able to breathe freely, maybe for the first time in weeks, and the awful and sometimes debilitating headaches would begin to subside.

That sense of release and relief is the very feeling I get now when I come. I can see the power of God in the strength of the ocean swells. I hear the sound of gulls and feel the warmth of the sun, even on a chilly day. I enjoy the serenity of the sound as the sun sets on it, casting that fire-red glow across the glassy surface. There is both calm and storm, but peace none-the-less, and I think, is there any other place like it on the face of the earth?

I know others have their places too, at least I hope they do. But for now, this is mine. And I am so grateful. God is so good and forever faithful. Today, my husband of 29 years and I will start over. This day will be another anniversary. We have come full circle. Once again it will be just the two of us, and God has bestowed a bountiful harvest on us that continues to grow. It has been my dream since my late teens to raise a family. And now I have the wonderful joy of seeing that family blossom, each son now with a family of their own, Seth's beginning today.

And it begins here, at my beloved Outer Banks.

It's about the little things

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart." Proverbs 3:5

Over the years, I've come to understand and appreciate the beauty and great privilege that's mine to be able to trust God with the overwhelming challenges of life...sorrow, loss, heartbreak, financial crisis, sickness, betrayal, depression, life-changing decisions to make. But I often have to be reminded that I must be completely trusting Him also with the details and little things that crowd my life in the day-to-day routine. There are the split-second decisions that must be made with the kids or in the car; fatigue; frustration; a nagging sinus headache; the change of plans with the unexpected interruptions; waiting and waiting, and waiting at the doctor's office when another appointment is also on the schedule.

This then, is the beauty of it all; the Spirit of God at work in me on a daily basis, the joy and comfort of "praying without ceasing", the great wonder of the Scriptures that come to mind just when I need them, all wonderful gifts of God for me, His child. I have the privilege to trust Him. I have Him to trust.

"Trusting God turns problems into opportunities." ODB

It's an All-You-Can-Eat Spiritual Buffet!

Thoughts from Isaiah 55

“Ho everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not?”

On a day like today when I am so overwhelmed with things that need to be done - when I get tired just thinking about it, when I have difficulty even prioritizing and organizing my thoughts and plans to accomplish at least something…I need nourishment and lots of it. I would falter before I even begin, or make an even bigger mistake - plunge in head first and just do whatever I can in my own strength, only to end up spinning my wheels, frustrated, fatigued, and still overwhelmed at the end of the day.

But God’s promises are forever, and are upheld by His sure mercies (v.3). This is such a beautiful thought to me, and such a beautiful and comforting passage. It speaks of that which is only supplied and satisfied by the Holy One (v.5):

“the waters” - the Spirit of God living in me, flowing through me
as promised, enabling, strengthening,
giving joy; my very salvation;
“milk” - sustenance and nourishment of the Word, simple enough
even a a baby can be filled to fullness, and sweet to all;
“wine” - sweet fellowship with my Savior, and His people,
providing along the the way encouragement and
admonishment for my growth;
“bread” - Christ Himself, my all-in-all.

The Lord says, “hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness” (v. 2). It’s an all-you-can-eat spiritual buffet!! If I’m not eating and being nourished and strengthened it’s no one’s fault but my own.

“For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace.” Isaiah 55: 12a

Know Your Children

I sat in the Sunday morning service and listened as Pastor spoke from I Samuel 3. My chest began to tighten a bit, and I had this feeling in my stomach, you know, the kind you get when you realize the preacher is speaking directly to you. Actually, the Spirit of God was using the Word and the pastor bringing the message to do a work in my heart. I stopped at verse 8 when I read, “And Eli perceived that the Lord had called the child.” I didn’t hear much of the rest of the message, or really remember today what it was about. But I have never forgotten the lesson the Lord taught me that morning, or what He instructed me from His Word to do.

It had been earlier that week when Joshua, five years old at the time, approached me at the kitchen sink while I did dishes. “Mom,” he said, “I think God wants me to be a preacher.” My answer was something like, “That’s nice, honey. Maybe He does.” I wouldn’t have discouraged him for anything, but sitting in church the following Sunday morning, I knew God was dealing with me about that verbal pat on the head I had given my son. It became very clear that God might very well be calling my son to himself, and like Eli I was being slow to catch on.

Yes, Joshua was only five, and had only recently trusted Jesus as his Savior. But God used this story of the child Samuel to remind me that if preaching was the path that Josh should take, then I had better be aware of it and take it seriously, and as a parent be what Josh needed to help make this a reality for him. I asked God to forgive me for taking this lightly, and to help Roger and I be the parents we needed to be, not just for Josh, but for all our children, in order to see them follow after God and serve Him in whatever way He chose.

This is when Proverbs 22:6 became an even greater responsibility; “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This kind of training would require getting to know my children in order to know 'the way they should go'. Aha! Another principal! Get to know your children!!

Is it possible to love a child, feed them, clothe them, take care of them when they’re ill, run them to practices and programs, give them birthday parties, and all the other things we do for our children, and miss getting to know who they really are?? Sadly, I see it all too often. Parents are often busy doing, but not really getting to know their children as individuals. What are their likes, their interests, their abilities? How do they enjoy spending their time? What are their strengths, and weaknesses? It’s especially obvious at Christmas when a total stranger walks up to you in the mall and asks, “Do you think my 16 year old would like this? I really don’t have a clue.”

If you don’t know these things about your children, you can’t encourage them to pursue ways to honor the Lord with those gifts and abilities. Are they well-spoken and bold? Are they quiet and generous? Do they love music or doing things with their hands? Ask God for a keen perception into your child’s heart. Ask Him to help you be sensitive to what He may have in store for them so you can begin to introduce them to the possibilities. Then provide the instruction and direction and guidance they will need to see this for themselves and go for it.

I’m not saying determine God’s will for your child’s life and set them on their course. This they will have to do for themselves. But it will be much easier for them, and it will more likely be their heart’s desire to find God’s will for themselves, if we have put opportunities and possibilities before them. Help them believe that “with God all things are possible”, and that with Him and for Him they can “do all things”. Help them see for themselves how God has gifted them and may desire to use them.

Joshua preached his first message at 13, and is now, at 27, the pastor of a church in Provo, Utah. Another ministers full-time as a youth pastor. Two use their musical gifts to lead worship and minister in song. One uses his gifts of helps and giving as a vital part of a local church ministry in a variety of ways. By the grace of God, all our sons, together with the wonderful families God has given them (the youngest will be married next month), are actively serving the Lord in their local church and as faithful witnesses in their communities. Our hearts are full and grateful, and we are blessed to know they have chosen to follow hard after the Lord in the way He would have them go.

Fear, or Faith?

I was doing it again, allowing fear to well up in me threatening to choke the joy and faith right out of me. Fear of what? The uncertain, the unknown; the what-ifs. I didn’t want my loved ones experiencing hurt, or heartbreak, or hardship. I’d been there. The hurt? No fun. The heartbreak? No party either. And the hardship? Not a picnic. The seasons for some of those experiences had been long and dry and painful. I wished it on no one, especially those I cared most for.

But then the Psalmist convicted me of my way of thinking. He declared, “Before I was afflicted, I went astray; but now I have kept Thy Word.” And again, “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn Thy statutes.” “I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right, and that Thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me. Let Thy merciful kindness be my comfort.” (Psalm 119: 67, 71, 75)

Experiencing the affliction that God allowed, or even brought my way in correction, was what shaped and molded me, pricked my heart and made me tender to Him and His ways, drove me to my knees and to His Word. It helped strengthen me in my faith and built my confidence in who He is and in His great faithfulness. Because of past difficulties I am more aware of Satan’s tactics. I am more confident in the God I serve. Did I want to take that from my children, from those I love that would value these principals and experiences as much as I do? I don’t think so. But that meant trusting them to God. My own heart I had trusted him with. Now I must trust Him with theirs. I could not fear that they may have to go through seasons of pain or heartbreak. For if they did, the Father would be there for them as He was for me.

Fear is an incredible emotion. With me, it creeps in unawares and wraps itself around my heart, and when I am most vulnerable, begins to squeeze and tighten its grip. It can attack at the most unforeseen moments, masking itself behind a number of other feelings...uncertainty, insecurity, discouragement, even fatigue. It takes the quiet voice of the Spirit of God, speaking to the heart that will listen, to see faith put fear to flight.

Fear suffocates. It paralyzes. It attacks and weakens faith. What it does not and cannot do is weaken the faithfulness of God and the power of His Word. So when fear rears its ugly head, the Scripture is my place of refuge. Even when I am unable to immediately release to my Father the fear I am experiencing in my situation, as I open my heart to Him, God is faithful to minister grace and quiet my heart, bringing me back to a place of greater trust in Him.

Fear often is hiding behind the unexpected. Perhaps it’s because with the unexpected there is a loss of control. A feeling of helplessness only takes seconds to sink into. But He is faithful, and I am grateful. To trust is to actively believe God, acknowledging and accepting His faithfulness to His Word on behalf of His children.

Fear, yes, is an amazing thing. But faith is even more amazing. It allows the hand of a loving, all-wise, all-powerful Savior to reach down and take hold in the weakest moment, lifting the fearful heart to God Himself. Faith conquers fear. Not great faith, but faith in a great God.

“Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief.” (Mark 9: 24)

Moments

Here I am, plunging into the world of blogging. Little I did realize how intimidating this white space would be. Maybe because I tend to see things from a different perspective...everything is meaningful and with purpose, or wasted. All of life is significant, every breath a gift, every word an opportunity. That's huge...much larger than this chunk of white space. So how to seize the moment, that's the challenge and privilege.

I want to make the most of the moments God gives me, not for selfish enjoyment, but for selfless impact.

"Walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time..." Ephesians 5:15-16