Weeds

They had been blooming all summer and into fall, and they were pretty.  At least I thought they were, even if no one else did.  Especially when they were smaller, with those bright purple petals and darker purple and yellow centers.  But now they were large and growing on both sides of the steps down from the porch.  It was now December, in southern West Virginia, and they were still blooming!  But they were weeds, starting to look more like weeds, kinda scraggly, thin and faded, and taking over the bed.  And to Makenzie, my 11 year old granddaughter, the fact that I had let them grow to this size without removing them from the flower bed, well, it raised some questions in her mind.  

I was coming back to the house after being out in the pasture helping my hubby with some fencing.  Makenzie was coming out.  “Why haven’t you pulled up these weeds, Grammy? she asked. “They’re like monsters now.”  “WelI,” I answered, “I thought they were pretty, and they didn’t seem to be bothering anything.” After discussing the situation a few more minutes, I decided with her help to go ahead and pull them out, a fairly simple task that shouldn’t take long.  Well, that was before I started tugging at the roots and realized they went down pretty deep. But it had to come out now.  I had made such a mess.  So I bent over, gripped with both hands, dug in my heels and pulled even harder, and then it gave way.  The next thing I knew I was tumbling backwards over the large rocks that defined the bed, landing on my backside, feet up in the air, dirt flying.  Kenzie was trying to decide if I was really hurt, and having trouble not laughing.  

No, I was not terribly hurt.  A couple of scrapes, moderate bruises, and I was a bit sore the next morning, but I’d live.  And the weeds had been taken care of.  But the process had been a bit painful, and I got dirty.  

I faced a hurt this week that brought this little tussle with a weed to mind.  Hurts can cause a root of bitterness to start its descent into the depths of the heart, and I knew what the Scripture says about a root of bitterness.  It can find a place in the heart, and like those weeds, if it is not taken care of can do damage both to one’s self and others.  Things might look pretty good on the surface, but down deep, the longer the root remains, the stronger the grip grows.  Before long, if not dealt with, it will hinder positive growth all around. Your relationship with God and with others will suffer, keeping you from having the close, loving relationships with others you should have. Peace will escape you, and worst of all, it will keep you from experiencing God’s grace.  God’s grace will always be available, but a root of bitterness will keep you from being able to know it’s reality at work in your life.   

    “Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God.  Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.”  Hebrews 12:15

I don’t know about you, but I need God’s grace at work in and through me...lots of it!  Amazing Grace...it’s not just a song.  His grace gives me a reason to get out of bed and face myself in the mirror when I have failed miserably.  His grace comforts me and pulls me out of the pit of sadness when all I want to do is cry.  His grace woos me with song, and builds joy back into my soul, when I just want to hide away.  His grace gently reminds me that Jesus has been in the pit, and He endured it for me!  He loves me (when others may not). He accepts me (when others may not). He has a purpose for me on a daily basis (when others may make me feel insignificant or dispensable), and that great purpose is to know Him and love Him more.  It’s to live to honor Him.  He is worth it, and makes my life worth it.  So when the bitterness tries to creep in, I go to Him with a resolve to rid myself of it.  I don’t want anything to keep me from “receiving the grace of God” when I would need it most.  So I give it to Him and I commit to doing what He says I must do in order to see the root destroyed…

    forgive;

    pray;

    confess;

    make changes;

    love unconditionally, like He does.

Digging that root out can be painful, but grace unfettered awaits!  I’m not saying it will be easy; you might just end up on your backside in the dirt!  

But it’s so worth it.  

Sitting in Darkness

I had been struggling for some time with the dark cloud that had been trying to envelop me.  Then on Christmas Eve Eve...you know, the day before Christmas Eve, it only took one comment in a conversation to take me over the edge.  And there I was, sinking deeper into the hole than I already was.  All of sudden it was just too much for me.  I was tired of fighting it off, and just tired, period.  All I wanted to do was get home to my bed and bury myself in it.  And I did.  

Between periods of sleep and tears, my mind went back to a verse of Scripture that I had highlighted in my thru-the-Bible daily reading from Micah on December 21st.  Something about falling, and darkness, and the enemy.  It was talking about me.  

    “Rejoice not against me , O mine enemy; when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me...He will bring me forth to the light, and I shall behold His righteousness.”  Micah 7: 8-9

I slept until time for our candlelight service.  I didn’t want to go, did not feel like going, but I did what I always do, I keep going, I push through because I’ve learned I’m better for it. The sleep and the prayerful tears, had strengthened me a bit.  The heaviness was weighing on me physically now though as it normally does after a while; headache, weak knees, tender muscles.  But I managed to begin the service with an opening carol on the piano, then sat down.  While Rog (my husband) spoke about the Light that had come into the world of darkness, giving us Christmas, I wandered back to the verse I had seen in Micah.  I knew the enemy was rejoicing against me.  I couldn’t pull myself out of the dark pit.  And I didn’t want to go any deeper.  I had already been struggling for months.  And it was Christmas for heaven’s sake!  I really wanted to be able to enjoy this time with my family.  I wanted to be able to worship unhindered and undistracted.  Sometimes I could do things that would help….rest, watch what I eat, and always I stay in my Bible.  Even when I read it and don’t remember what I’ve read, even if it’s just a verse, even if I just hold it and pray for God to bring it to memory when I don’t have it in me to read it...always, His Word is my stay.  

This time was no different. I was just unable to see the depression lift this time before I slipped deeper still into the dark hole. It was suffocating me, but I held on.  I kept going over and over the verses in Micah, and just thanking God for His love for me.  I knew He was holding me even in the darkness.  So regardless of how long it lasted or where it took me, He was with me.  He was going to bring me out to the Light again in His time.  His Word promised it.  

On Christmas Eve Roger and I were to go on cottage at the children’s home where we work.  We would just be there overnight.  I had slept most of the day. I tried to eat a bit of dinner since I had eaten nothing since our breakfast on the 23rd.  When I walked in, something broke.  By the time we were getting into bed I knew it was lifting.  I was exhausted, but excited because I knew God was working.  Christmas day would be different!  

The next morning Rog and I were up early, before the scheduled med time.  One of the girls, seeing me come from the kitchen with a cup of coffee, came to me for a hug after getting her meds, before heading back to bed.  She was struggling too, and I knew she was in somewhat of a dark hole herself, primarily of her own doing.  I asked if I could share a verse of Scripture that had helped me, and she said yes.  I shared Micah 7:8-9 and told her I was praying that she would be able to let Jesus be a light for her in her darkness.  We talked for a bit, and she was able to go lie down again. By the time we were leaving, I knew His light in me was getting stronger again.  Christmas would be merry and bright.  

My depression has been a lifelong struggle.  I’ve learned to manage it with the Lord’s help when I have an onset, but it never goes away completely.  It just hides for a while.  I’m just extremely grateful that in my darkest moments Christ has been there to comfort me, keep me from doing harm to myself, give me strength and resolve to not give up in despair, hope to hang on with confidence in His promises, and to give me joy, the deep ever-present joy of knowing Jesus loves me, has not and never will abandon me in my darkness and helplessness, keeps me safe in Him, and always brings me back.  

Sitting in darkness is only a reminder of how bright and beautiful my Savior’s light really is.  

December 26, 2015

Mad River Dash

“And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts….”

 

On Wednesday, I made a mad dash to the river over my lunch break.  As I was driving to “my spot” I just thanked the Lord that I live in such a beautiful place and that I worked closely enough to the river to be able to do this.  I pulled off and parked, rolled down the window and just listened and prayed.    The sound of the wind rustling through the trees, and the water rushing over the rocks was soul soothing.  It’s not “my beach”, but it’s a close second!  I was emotional, “worked up” over some things, letting myself get overwhelmed and out of sorts.  If I was going to get through the rest of the day and see it be productive…without snapping someone’s head off…I needed to seek out the Lord’s calm and help.   And just like God, He met me there.  I then took a few moments to renew my mind with some Scripture…thankful I had a signal on my phone and could pull up my Bible app!  I reflected back on my devotional reading from that morning then, it was back to work.   By the end of the day, I was surprised at how refreshed I was! 

 

But here I am again this morning…4:30 a.m. morning…once again seeking His peace.  That’s what happens when you go to bed with a troubled heart.  So when I opened my Bible app it didn’t surprise me to see this verse for the day from Colossians.  In fact, it made me smile.  For the second time this week, God was meeting me where I was and redirecting my focus back to Him, my Peace.  And not at the river this time, but in the quiet of my living room. 

 

There are so many things (and sometimes they’re big things) that happen in the course of a day that wear on my emotions.  And that’s most of my problem.  My emotions are like a roller coaster, and some days they take a huge hit.  At least now as I’ve grown in my walk with Christ, they’re more like the kiddy roller coasters.  The dips and turns aren’t nearly as huge!  But they still show up, because I feel things very deeply.  Those closest to me say “it’s the passion coming out”.  Passionate, that’s a nice way to put it I suppose!  I know that about myself and I’ve worked to temper the intensity because it’s usually misunderstood. I’ve come to accept that my strong personality is not always appreciated or understood.  So I’ve adapted, and it’s in these moments when I’m struggling with the side of me that may “come on strong” that I need God most.  It’s also especially difficult and awkward to try to explain why you are suddenly a bundle of tears.  I’d rather not.

 

Keeping my emotions in check is not a natural trait for me.  I also know it is best and right to allow the Spirit of God to control my emotions rather than allow them to control me.  People are a lot less likely to get hurt this way, and I enjoy life more.  My focus cannot be on how I feel because feelings are unstable and changing.  I do not make decisions based on how I feel.  I make decisions based on what is right because I may not always “feel” like doing the right thing.  Plus, I want “an others” focus, not a self-focus for my life, like Jesus. 

 

“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus”  (Phil 4: 7, NLT). 

 

So maybe this takes a mad dash to the river every once in a while.  But it’s worth it to experience the peace that really does surpass my understanding. 

 

Me and my crazy dog.

I was so exasperated!  My beautiful but insanely crazy Australian Shepherd was draining me of energy and my normal critter compassion.  My patience was wearing thin and I was so close to a trip to the pound.  “And I chose you!” I yelled.  No sooner were the words out of my mouth and I felt the pang in my gut that said, “God’s not happy with that!”

Yes, I had chosen her.  She was so cuddly and cute as a puppy.  And the thought of her staying one more minute in that crowded, hot pet store crate seemed cruel.  Roger had been looking into the breed for a while and was surprised to actually find one in the store.  We went in there pretty often and had never seen one.  When he took me over to see her it was love at first sight.  She wasn’t your typical Aussie.  No, she was a White!  Blue eyes, a few brown and gray spots on her ear and hind legs, and a pink nose, beautiful!  We also knew she would be full of energy and would need lots of wide open space to run free.  This was not the dog for an apartment dweller, so we were sure the farm would be the perfect place for her.  

But she was older now and wreaking havoc around the house, scaring the grandkids, chasing the animals.  Our work situation was such that we weren’t home very much, and because she was so difficult to handle she spent a lot of time either on a chain or in her crate.  It brought me to tears knowing she was having to live this way.  I began praying that she’d calm down, that I’d see some change as she got older.  A friend prayed with me when I got to work one morning in tears.  Roger always said he wouldn’t have a critter that he wouldn’t pray for! 

When I heard myself yelling at her that day, I could immediately hear the Lord saying the same thing about me.  He chose me.  He drew me to Himself.  He rescued me.  And how often He must be exasperated with me in my stubbornness!  How patient He had been with me over the years, teaching me, growing me, loving me.  Tilly needed my loving attention and determined teaching, not my anger and exasperation. 

I quickly thanked the Lord for the “slap on the face”, reminding me of His grace and patience, and began praying about an intentional plan of action for me and my crazy dog.  I had read in my research that as a working breed they needed to feel useful or they are miserable.  It had escaped me that I needed to find ways to help her feel like she had a purpose other than being cute and cuddly.  So, I set out to get some things that would help me accomplish this with her.  Then, I established a routine so that she would know what to expect.  It would be her time to be with us.  Our work situation had recently changed, so this was now going to be possible on a daily basis!  It’s just like God to concern Himself with the things that matter so much to us!  And if it didn’t work out, I’d love her regardless and have no regrets. 

In just a short period of time she has become such a loving and good dog.  Her excitement still gets the best of her at times, but it’s not frightening to the children or destructive, and it’s quickly reigned in as she learns to listen more and more.  My crazy dog and I have learned some things.  So thankful God is patient with me, ever teaching, ever loving me closer to Himself. 

Yes, I chose Tilly.  And it makes my heart glad. 

Are You Listening to Me?

“And the Lord God said…”  Genesis 2:18

The LORD GOD said [bold, caps, underlined…emphasis mine!]

It’s a brand new year!  If you’re reading this, we’re off on yet another adventure.  We have been given one more day to LISTEN!  If there is one thing I want to do this year, it is hear what the Lord God says.

I finished a different through-the-Bible plan this year with a Promise Bible my hubby purchased for me last Christmas while visiting our oldest son and his family.  Every day, I was drawn to it like a magnet.  I didn’t always get to read each daily segment, but I was so conscious of it when I didn’t, so wanting to “catch up” or, not wanting to get too far behind.  We ended this year on a trip also, a whirlwind kid/grandkid tour starting in Atlanta with our youngest son and his fam, stopping back in WV overnight to hear our second son preach and spend a “Christmas evening” with them. Then it was on to Indiana to see the oldest and his fam.  We brought the New Year in with the number- 3 son and his fam in Philadelphia.  Since I had my Promise Bible with me, ending 2014, I started over on the first of 2015.  These beginning chapters in Genesis were so familiar.  But there were certain words and phrases that just kept grabbing my attention: God created; the Spirit of God moved; God saw; God divided; God called; God said; God made;  God set them; God blessed them; God ended His work.  Then, all of a sudden a change occurs in chapter 2 verse 4.  It now begins to say, “the LORD God made”; the LORD God formed; the LORD God planted; the LORD God commanded; the LORD God caused; the LORD God said. 

The powerful Creator God became personal, intimate. 

The name “LORD God” was so intimate that the Jewish tradition did not allow for it to be spoken.  We know it as Yahwey, Jehovah.  Too holy to voice, too sacred to even spell, it was YHWY. But not only did God the Creator perform all these wonderful acts, He desired from the beginning to communicate with His creation.  And He has not stopped.  After all, what is a relationship without communication??  And what would our world be without words, spoken or written?  God is all about words.  In fact, He is the Word ("In the beginning was the Word, the Word was with God and the Word was God," John 1:1).  He is speaking.  The problem is that we’re not listening. 

Yes, the Scripture is familiar to me.  I have read it all my life.  I have made it a point to learn it, memorize it, and apply its Truth.  Maybe for you it is new, maybe a bit overwhelming.  Maybe you are doubting its relevance in our world today or intimidated or even angered by its authoritative nature.  Regardless, God has spoken.  He is the great Creator God, the LORD God, and He wants us to hear what He has to say.  It matters.  Whether it is a passage of Scripture you have read a hundred times, or you have just read it for the first time, it is now a part of you and it is alive and powerful.  It can change you, cheer you, encourage you, guide you, teach you, correct you, instruct you, empower you, help you, heal you, save you.  JUST LISTEN! 

“Did you hear the words coming out of my mouth?!”  I’ve said that from time to time to one of my boys or one of the many God has given me to care for, when I just knew that somewhere between the words leaving my mouth and being put into action, they just got lost!  The connection was never made between what I had just said and what they had just heard.  It was obvious that even though they heard what I said, they did not listen!  Listening involves more than just hearing.  Until there is impact or action there is no listening. 

The LORD God has spoken people, and I want to listen, more now than ever before.  I want it to penetrate my heart and life, bringing me into an even deeper understanding of His grace, His power, His love.  And I want to act on it in abandon, letting it work itself out in my every deed. I hope you do too.  It could make all the difference in how 2015 plays out.   

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Christmas Quiet

              O, what a glorious night, the night of the Savior’s birth!  But a silent night it likely was not.  Remember, Bethlehem was bursting at the seams with all that came for the census; hear the sound of shouting voices and shuffling feet.  On a dark hillside, a multitude of angels astounded a band of shepherds with their hallelujah chorus.  Even in the solitude of the stable, a donkey brayed, sheep were bleeting, a woman cried out in pain, a man prayed, and the cry of a baby was heard.  But there was joy and purpose resounding in this cacophony!  Heaven had come to earth, and there was no keeping quiet!

            Now consider an average evening in our homes.  We settle in for what we think will be a quiet evening after a long day at work or school, ready to just put up our feet and rest a bit, and chaos breaks out.  The phone starts ringing, TV starts blaring, the kids start arguing, the microwave beeps, the oven buzzes, and then, sirens start screaming from somewhere down the street.  All we want is to find a quiet place, maybe even a place to pray or just reflect on our day in peace.  But silence is scarce, and for some it’s even scary.  We fill our moments with mayhem, then wonder why we’re so frayed and tired. 

            Good news!  Jesus is our quiet resting place!  He is our Peace!  The clamor of our lives is unavoidable, but it does not have to wear us ragged.  In fact, a quick and quiet prayer, breathed in the middle of a storm is what Jesus waits to hear. The busy bustle of Bethlehem on the night of the Babe’s birth welcomed Him, it did not deter His coming!  It did not interfere with the angels’ song; it did not keep the shepherds from their faithful watch.  Each individual in the Christmas story entered into the fray, accompanied by the knowledge that the God of the Universe was doing something magnificent.  And certainly He was.  It may have been a strange way to do it, but He was beginning His promised work of salvation, His gift to the world He created. 

 

“Then in despair I bowed my head; There is no peace on earth I said,

for hate is strong, and mocks the song of peace on earth, good will to men!”

 

Then peeled the bells more loud and deep; God is not dead, nor doth He sleep!

The wrong shall fail, the Right prevail, with peace on earth, good will to men!”

 

So, when you find yourself this year wondering where the peace and quiet is, pause in wonder at the Peace that Jesus is.  When all the world would say “there is no peace”, when they search for it in all the wrong places, be His reminder that Peace is real and it can be found in Jesus.

 

May this be your Merriest Christmas ever, and 2015 your best year yet! 

           

                                                                                    From our home to yours,

                                                                                                      Roger and Angela

 

He Fills My Life With Good Things

Psalm 103:4-5,  “He redeems me from death, and crowns me with love and tender mercies.   He fills my life with good things.”  

I had to stop my reading and just let this sink in.  I am awed and humbled that God has chosen to show Himself so gracious towards me.  My life is so full of good things, and the good things just keep coming. 

In July, Roger and I had the privilege of having all our children and grandchildren, our parents, and most of our siblings, along with some dear friends, gather with us to celebrate thirty-five years of the life that God has given us together.  And celebrate we did! For a week as a family we ate together, played games together, hung out at the pool together and around the firepit; there were laughs, and stories, and time spent just sharing our hearts, burdens and prayer requests.  We sang together, and we worked together to see the week culminate in a beautiful ceremony of shared commitment and renewal to the future God still has in store for us.  Everyone pitched in, from the youngest with rakes and brooms, to the older ones with weed-eaters and lawn mowers, and from cleaning to cooking, to make sure everything was ready for our special day.  And when it was all over, we hugged and cried, said our goodbyes, and began looking forward to the next time we’d all be able to be together again, not knowing when that might be or what might change before that next time. 

We believe what we have as a family is something to be treasured.  But maybe like your family, we’re not perfect.  We have our moments.  We don’t always agree on everything, nor do things quite the same way.  In fact, we can be quite opinionated and passionate about a lot of different things, and the family setting has often been the place those things have been “loudly discussed”.  But that is part of what makes it so great.  We all have a desire to honor God.  We all love and respect each other.  Our love and commitment to Christ keeps our love and commitment to each other strong.  He always brings us back to what is right, and what may need to be made right with each other.  He makes what we have worth any effort it may take on each individual part to keep the whole intact. 

Two take-aways:  1) People matter, and 2) It’s not about “stuff”. 

People matter. 

Relationships matter, but they take work to be good and strong.  Relationships need mutual respect and consideration, selfless giving and honesty, humility and forgiveness.  The Scripture says that “if it be possible, as much as lies within you, live peaceably with all men,” (Romans 12:18).  This infers that in some situations with some people it’s just not going to happen.  We cannot control how others choose to handle themselves.  All we can do is determine to love like Jesus loves, forgive like Jesus forgives, and pray for those that would choose not to “live peaceably with all men”. 

In a recent conversation with someone in a rather desperate situation, I was being asked for help.  But they also explained they did not want to hear any of my “Christian hogwash, since my life had been so perfect” (and that was the decent version of their comments).   Yet, they were calling me!  And I wanted to say, “NO, MY LIFE HAS NOT BEEN PERFECT, BUT IT SURE HAS BEEN GOOD.  And you may not want to hear it, or acknowledge that God has had anything to do with the fact that my life has taken quite a different turn than yours, but at least I know that my choices to honor God and live to serve Him have kept me from the many hard times and heartbreaks that have come as a result of nothing more than selfish and sinful choices." 

Some hurts are unavoidable.  Some situations are beyond my control.  But even those times, if not intrinsically good, I can trust God to bring good from or work to my good as He promises to do (Romans 8:28, James 1:17).  So I said the only thing I could say to this person, “You know me.  You may not want to hear it, but it’s all I’ve got for you.  You need God.  You need His forgiveness.  You need to allow His love to really penetrate your heart and give you hope and a future.  He can, and He wants to, but He won’t do it against your will.  I love you, and I’m praying He will intervene and give you a chance to know His mercy and grace.”  That person is still living in a despairing and miserable situation, but only because they won’t choose to do otherwise.  And at the same time they want me to feel guilty and accuse me of thinking I am better than they are because I have a good life.  I refuse to do it!!  I will praise God for filling my life with good things. 

It’s not about “stuff.”
For some, having a life filled with good things is all about “stuff”.  They can never have enough stuff.  We have had times with very little and what would not be considered, “nice stuff”.  We’ve had times when we have been able to have nice things.  “Stuff” can make life a little easier, pleasant, less stressful maybe.  And don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for all the “stuff” God has blessed us with. But it’s not about “stuff”.   It’s about being able to go to sleep at night content with the day you’ve had, happy and at peace.  It’s about loving others and knowing you are loved.  It’s about this deep joy inside even when you are hurting, that just can’t be explained.  It’s about being able to trust in Someone greater than yourself when your inadequacies are overwhelming, when your limits are stretched, when the situation seems hopeless.  My heart is weary for those that,  with disdain, shun this type of goodness, goodness of the purest sort.  Stuff is ok; stuff is nice to have, but having lots of stuff doesn't constitute a good life. 

 “It’s a wonderful life!” “Life is good.” “Living the good life.”  You know the cliches.  However you want to say it, it’s all good and I’m grateful.  I can say that mine is a wonderful life.  I can say my life is good.  And I really hope you can say with  me, “He fills my life with good things.” 

 

God is great, God is good.