I’ve been thinking a lot about rebellion these days. As Roger and I invest ourselves in the lives of the teen boys that come to the home, some hurt is inevitable. And we do not believe that any are random placements, but rather are directed by God, every child a gift (Ps 127:3). We cannot help but grow to love these boys. And when they make wrong choices, especially choices that impact their futures in ways they are usually not considering at the time, it grieves us. But it also reminds us of the great needs, and we love them even more. Wonderfully, we serve a great God that loves them even more than we do.
As real and serious as rebellion is, I’m not convinced all children that make wrong choices are doing so out of a rebellious heart. Luke 2: 40-52 provided some insight on this. Mary and Joseph had made the annual trek into Jerusalem for the Passover. They were a day’s journey into their return home only to discover that Jesus was not “in the company”. They returned to Jerusalem to find him in the temple.
Jesus was clearly not in rebellion because he failed to be where his parents thought he was. Did they fully understand what Jesus was about? Verse 50 explains they did not. They made assumptions they shouldn’t have made, and had wrong expectations of him, all because they did not understand him.
Well, understanding the mind of a teenager might seem like an impossible feat. It is definitely a challenge, but it’s one that we need to embrace. Learning how they tick is so important. It will be different for each child. It’s especially interesting when they think differently than we do! It might create some clashes from time to time, some tension. It often takes strong and deliberate contemplation before God to “figure that kid out”! But hasty conclusions won’t do. And you’ll never do it apart from simply talking to them either, a lot.
Have they intentionally disobeyed, or was there possibly some misunderstanding? Were expectations clear? Has adequate instruction been provided? What you were trying to teach them, did they get it?? What are they trying to accomplish? What were their motivators or triggers? Young people are usually not thinking beyond the immediate. They’re not weighing all the factors or considering consequences. They're not considering that the process is as important as the end result. They may have an “end justifies the means” philosophy without even realizing it. Are they left feeling that what they think and how they feel is not important?
I Thessalonians 5:14 offers some help in this area, identifying some behaviors in addition to rebellion, and guidance in handling other attitudes and behaviors:
“…warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.”
Rather than be in rebellion, could a young person simply be unruly and would respond to a warning? What about careless, weak, unmotivated, indifferent, foolish children? These all require attention…discipline, structure, firm consistency, support, encouragement, but are far from rebellion at this point, and should be dealt with accordingly. For example, to roughly and sternly warn the weak, laying out ultimatums, could crush them in their insecurity. But to offer support and encouragement, taking a befriending approach to the unruly, could end up enabling them and strengthening them in their behaviors, letting them feel they “got away with it”.
I’m not done with this! And I’m grateful the Scripture abounds with truth and principles to explore and apply, because I’m sure there will be no shortage of hurting young people that need Him and the guidance He provides.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Keepers at Home
I began to grow restless about where I was in the area of my service for the Lord. I was very much involved at church…teaching a ladies Bible class, working a bus route bringing children to church on Sunday mornings, together with my husband directing junior church for over a hundred children on the average each Sunday. I was back in school trying to finish my degree (I had put that on hold to homeschool our boys and allow Rog to finish his Masters), and working part-time at the Bible college I was attending. But sitting in my office one day, I felt stifled by the ‘Christian bubble’ I was in. I was not out in the community nearly as much anymore, speaking to others about Christ. Even though I was confident this was the ministry for me at the time, I missed my contact with “the real world” some would call it. I determined to make sure I was using every opportunity regardless of my primary ministry, to speak out and for Christ. I found some amazing outlets were provided.
When the boys were younger and I was completely occupied at home, I would also have times when I felt like there was more I should be doing for the Lord. Even then, I was working in children’s church, working a bus route, and working with another couple with youth group, singing in the choir, working in the nursery…so it wasn’t like I wasn’t involved. But there were times it was a tremendous challenge with four little ones to be so involved. I struggled between feelings of guilt, pressure, and what my true priorities should be. Through prayer and reading the Word, God would impressed on me the importance and priority of my place in my home with my children at that time. I made some changes and never regretted it.
But then, with my children grown and my responsibilities completely different, I was feeling it again. No guilt this time. I learned my lesson about serving out of guilt and pressure. That’s no service at all. It’s just mostly joyless duty and activity that drains and creates stress. This was more a restlessness and a desire to once again move outside the bubble.
Along with some other stresses and circumstances that were causing me to rethink the place of ministry God had me in at the time, the thought of a making another change wouldn’t leave me. Once again, through prayer and time in God’s Word…nearly a year this time of intense seeking the Lord…doors began to open. Rog came in one afternoon with a complimentary booklet he had received at the church, and I began to read it. About half-way through the booklet, the following statement sailed off the page:
“Your home is the single most powerful arena on earth to change a life for God’.
Bruce Wilkenson, The Prayer of Jabez.
Well, I believed that with all my heart. Rog and I had given ourselves long ago to the very goal of making our home a place where lives were impacted for Christ…the lives of our children first and foremost, then any others God would direct to us. We wanted our home to be a haven, a place of growth and nourishment, a place to think and learn, a place of love, acceptance, and the chance to love in return. We wanted it to be obvious, even when there were challenges and emotions and mistakes and failures, that God was in charge here.
We still believe this. Only now the Lord has “enlarged our tent” to another “home”, one especially for children that we have now been house parents in for nearly two years.
Lesson?? Don’t underestimate the reach of your home…God has graciously allowed us in recent years to see its impact literally around the globe. Once again, no regrets.
“Every wise woman buildeth her house…” Prov 14:1; “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it” Ps 127: 1. This is not a contradiction. Let the Lord build his house through you.
When the boys were younger and I was completely occupied at home, I would also have times when I felt like there was more I should be doing for the Lord. Even then, I was working in children’s church, working a bus route, and working with another couple with youth group, singing in the choir, working in the nursery…so it wasn’t like I wasn’t involved. But there were times it was a tremendous challenge with four little ones to be so involved. I struggled between feelings of guilt, pressure, and what my true priorities should be. Through prayer and reading the Word, God would impressed on me the importance and priority of my place in my home with my children at that time. I made some changes and never regretted it.
But then, with my children grown and my responsibilities completely different, I was feeling it again. No guilt this time. I learned my lesson about serving out of guilt and pressure. That’s no service at all. It’s just mostly joyless duty and activity that drains and creates stress. This was more a restlessness and a desire to once again move outside the bubble.
Along with some other stresses and circumstances that were causing me to rethink the place of ministry God had me in at the time, the thought of a making another change wouldn’t leave me. Once again, through prayer and time in God’s Word…nearly a year this time of intense seeking the Lord…doors began to open. Rog came in one afternoon with a complimentary booklet he had received at the church, and I began to read it. About half-way through the booklet, the following statement sailed off the page:
“Your home is the single most powerful arena on earth to change a life for God’.
Bruce Wilkenson, The Prayer of Jabez.
Well, I believed that with all my heart. Rog and I had given ourselves long ago to the very goal of making our home a place where lives were impacted for Christ…the lives of our children first and foremost, then any others God would direct to us. We wanted our home to be a haven, a place of growth and nourishment, a place to think and learn, a place of love, acceptance, and the chance to love in return. We wanted it to be obvious, even when there were challenges and emotions and mistakes and failures, that God was in charge here.
We still believe this. Only now the Lord has “enlarged our tent” to another “home”, one especially for children that we have now been house parents in for nearly two years.
Lesson?? Don’t underestimate the reach of your home…God has graciously allowed us in recent years to see its impact literally around the globe. Once again, no regrets.
“Every wise woman buildeth her house…” Prov 14:1; “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it” Ps 127: 1. This is not a contradiction. Let the Lord build his house through you.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Love your husbands and children
"...teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children..."
I listened as Roger preached from Titus 2, a familiar passage. But my thoughts became hung on the verse above, amazed once again that God would see the need for women to be instructed to love their husbands and children. Doesn't that just come naturally, especially to believers?
Sadly, no. To truly love as God would have us to means to love unselfishly. And sometimes it's difficult to see and admit that loving selfishly is exactly what we're doing. If true love is always doing what is best for the object of that love, it often takes a determined effort to remove self from the picture.
Loving your husband and children should be the most wonderful and fulfilling experience you'll have as a woman. But this can't be the reason you extend yourself and express your love for them. Loving your husband and children cannot be about how it makes you feel or about what you want. Wives and mothers cannot do what they do because of how fulfilling it is. It can't be about being needed or appreciated. If you are to truly love the way God would have you to it must be unconditional.
Unconditional love is unselfish. And loving unconditionally will constrain you to continue loving even when it's hard and it hurts. Selfish love quits, abandons, won't forgive, controls, pouts, and manipulates. It doesn't stop until it has its way.
Of course, this goes against most of today's prevalent philosophies; just consider the pro-choice movement as one example, and the 50/50 marriage mentality for another. And because it is so prevalent in society today, and because it's a part of our very nature to be selfish, God's way of loving must still be taught.
I listened as Roger preached from Titus 2, a familiar passage. But my thoughts became hung on the verse above, amazed once again that God would see the need for women to be instructed to love their husbands and children. Doesn't that just come naturally, especially to believers?
Sadly, no. To truly love as God would have us to means to love unselfishly. And sometimes it's difficult to see and admit that loving selfishly is exactly what we're doing. If true love is always doing what is best for the object of that love, it often takes a determined effort to remove self from the picture.
Loving your husband and children should be the most wonderful and fulfilling experience you'll have as a woman. But this can't be the reason you extend yourself and express your love for them. Loving your husband and children cannot be about how it makes you feel or about what you want. Wives and mothers cannot do what they do because of how fulfilling it is. It can't be about being needed or appreciated. If you are to truly love the way God would have you to it must be unconditional.
Unconditional love is unselfish. And loving unconditionally will constrain you to continue loving even when it's hard and it hurts. Selfish love quits, abandons, won't forgive, controls, pouts, and manipulates. It doesn't stop until it has its way.
Of course, this goes against most of today's prevalent philosophies; just consider the pro-choice movement as one example, and the 50/50 marriage mentality for another. And because it is so prevalent in society today, and because it's a part of our very nature to be selfish, God's way of loving must still be taught.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Saying Goodbye
We came home, had a couple of days with Seth and Rebecca before putting them on a plane back to Utah, then it was back to the ranch for the last couple of weeks. I still have days when tears surface as I think of how quickly things change. How precious our time with family and friends is! My tears are definitely happy ones.
It was not too many years ago, Rog and I found ourselves saying goodbye over and over again in just a short period of time, to our own children, to dear friends, to those in our church family that were following the leadership of the Lord as He led them other places to minister. How hard it was! I was drained and feeling quite a void. Finally, as I said goodbye and hung up the phone with yet another dear friend headed back to Korea, I told Rog I was so tired of saying goodbye. It seemed at the time it was all we were doing. He tenderly reminded me how blessed we were to have so many people in our lives to be able to know and love, and say goodbye to.
It was true. And that is how I have tried to see it since then. Does it make it any easier? No, but it has changed my perspective. I don't dread saying goodbye anymore. I don't like it any more than before, but it's one more opportunity to praise the Lord for the blessing of family and friends, for the chance to share and love, to build into each other's lives and make some precious memories. My focus is no longer on me and the loss and void I feel, but on the goodness of God.
So, as God continues to bless with the preciousness of family, and allows us to know and love others as we cross paths, I'll gladly say goodbye for that chance. The joy and blessing is too great to pass up.
"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you...because I have you in my heart." Philippians 1: 3, 7
It was not too many years ago, Rog and I found ourselves saying goodbye over and over again in just a short period of time, to our own children, to dear friends, to those in our church family that were following the leadership of the Lord as He led them other places to minister. How hard it was! I was drained and feeling quite a void. Finally, as I said goodbye and hung up the phone with yet another dear friend headed back to Korea, I told Rog I was so tired of saying goodbye. It seemed at the time it was all we were doing. He tenderly reminded me how blessed we were to have so many people in our lives to be able to know and love, and say goodbye to.
It was true. And that is how I have tried to see it since then. Does it make it any easier? No, but it has changed my perspective. I don't dread saying goodbye anymore. I don't like it any more than before, but it's one more opportunity to praise the Lord for the blessing of family and friends, for the chance to share and love, to build into each other's lives and make some precious memories. My focus is no longer on me and the loss and void I feel, but on the goodness of God.
So, as God continues to bless with the preciousness of family, and allows us to know and love others as we cross paths, I'll gladly say goodbye for that chance. The joy and blessing is too great to pass up.
"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you...because I have you in my heart." Philippians 1: 3, 7
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Outer Banks
We’re here, and I can’t escape the overwhelming feeling of having come home. It’s as if it belongs to me, and my heart swells with gratitude for the chance to experience the beauty and meaning of it once again. It will hold even greater significance now, as our last-born takes for himself his bride in this enchanting place later today.
There’s a piece of me here, part of my heritage. Thanks to my parents who loved it and wanted us to know and love it too, I grew up coming here. It was truly an escape at times, from the hectic pace of the very busy and stressed life my parents led. But because of health issues, my dad would often need the relief that the ocean breezes and salt air could provide. So, Mom would get us up in the middle of the night, throw us with blankets and pillows into the station wagon, and off we would go. Just as we crossed the bridge onto the narrow strip of barrier isle, we’d roll the windows down and breathe in the salty air. For Daddy, he would immediately be able to breathe freely, maybe for the first time in weeks, and the awful and sometimes debilitating headaches would begin to subside.
That sense of release and relief is the very feeling I get now when I come. I can see the power of God in the strength of the ocean swells. I hear the sound of gulls and feel the warmth of the sun, even on a chilly day. I enjoy the serenity of the sound as the sun sets on it, casting that fire-red glow across the glassy surface. There is both calm and storm, but peace none-the-less, and I think, is there any other place like it on the face of the earth?
I know others have their places too, at least I hope they do. But for now, this is mine. And I am so grateful. God is so good and forever faithful. Today, my husband of 29 years and I will start over. This day will be another anniversary. We have come full circle. Once again it will be just the two of us, and God has bestowed a bountiful harvest on us that continues to grow. It has been my dream since my late teens to raise a family. And now I have the wonderful joy of seeing that family blossom, each son now with a family of their own, Seth's beginning today.
And it begins here, at my beloved Outer Banks.
There’s a piece of me here, part of my heritage. Thanks to my parents who loved it and wanted us to know and love it too, I grew up coming here. It was truly an escape at times, from the hectic pace of the very busy and stressed life my parents led. But because of health issues, my dad would often need the relief that the ocean breezes and salt air could provide. So, Mom would get us up in the middle of the night, throw us with blankets and pillows into the station wagon, and off we would go. Just as we crossed the bridge onto the narrow strip of barrier isle, we’d roll the windows down and breathe in the salty air. For Daddy, he would immediately be able to breathe freely, maybe for the first time in weeks, and the awful and sometimes debilitating headaches would begin to subside.
That sense of release and relief is the very feeling I get now when I come. I can see the power of God in the strength of the ocean swells. I hear the sound of gulls and feel the warmth of the sun, even on a chilly day. I enjoy the serenity of the sound as the sun sets on it, casting that fire-red glow across the glassy surface. There is both calm and storm, but peace none-the-less, and I think, is there any other place like it on the face of the earth?
I know others have their places too, at least I hope they do. But for now, this is mine. And I am so grateful. God is so good and forever faithful. Today, my husband of 29 years and I will start over. This day will be another anniversary. We have come full circle. Once again it will be just the two of us, and God has bestowed a bountiful harvest on us that continues to grow. It has been my dream since my late teens to raise a family. And now I have the wonderful joy of seeing that family blossom, each son now with a family of their own, Seth's beginning today.
And it begins here, at my beloved Outer Banks.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
It's about the little things
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart." Proverbs 3:5
Over the years, I've come to understand and appreciate the beauty and great privilege that's mine to be able to trust God with the overwhelming challenges of life...sorrow, loss, heartbreak, financial crisis, sickness, betrayal, depression, life-changing decisions to make. But I often have to be reminded that I must be completely trusting Him also with the details and little things that crowd my life in the day-to-day routine. There are the split-second decisions that must be made with the kids or in the car; fatigue; frustration; a nagging sinus headache; the change of plans with the unexpected interruptions; waiting and waiting, and waiting at the doctor's office when another appointment is also on the schedule.
This then, is the beauty of it all; the Spirit of God at work in me on a daily basis, the joy and comfort of "praying without ceasing", the great wonder of the Scriptures that come to mind just when I need them, all wonderful gifts of God for me, His child. I have the privilege to trust Him. I have Him to trust.
"Trusting God turns problems into opportunities." ODB
Over the years, I've come to understand and appreciate the beauty and great privilege that's mine to be able to trust God with the overwhelming challenges of life...sorrow, loss, heartbreak, financial crisis, sickness, betrayal, depression, life-changing decisions to make. But I often have to be reminded that I must be completely trusting Him also with the details and little things that crowd my life in the day-to-day routine. There are the split-second decisions that must be made with the kids or in the car; fatigue; frustration; a nagging sinus headache; the change of plans with the unexpected interruptions; waiting and waiting, and waiting at the doctor's office when another appointment is also on the schedule.
This then, is the beauty of it all; the Spirit of God at work in me on a daily basis, the joy and comfort of "praying without ceasing", the great wonder of the Scriptures that come to mind just when I need them, all wonderful gifts of God for me, His child. I have the privilege to trust Him. I have Him to trust.
"Trusting God turns problems into opportunities." ODB
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
It's an All-You-Can-Eat Spiritual Buffet!
Thoughts from Isaiah 55
“Ho everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not?”
On a day like today when I am so overwhelmed with things that need to be done - when I get tired just thinking about it, when I have difficulty even prioritizing and organizing my thoughts and plans to accomplish at least something…I need nourishment and lots of it. I would falter before I even begin, or make an even bigger mistake - plunge in head first and just do whatever I can in my own strength, only to end up spinning my wheels, frustrated, fatigued, and still overwhelmed at the end of the day.
But God’s promises are forever, and are upheld by His sure mercies (v.3). This is such a beautiful thought to me, and such a beautiful and comforting passage. It speaks of that which is only supplied and satisfied by the Holy One (v.5):
“the waters” - the Spirit of God living in me, flowing through me
as promised, enabling, strengthening,
giving joy; my very salvation;
“milk” - sustenance and nourishment of the Word, simple enough
even a a baby can be filled to fullness, and sweet to all;
“wine” - sweet fellowship with my Savior, and His people,
providing along the the way encouragement and
admonishment for my growth;
“bread” - Christ Himself, my all-in-all.
The Lord says, “hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness” (v. 2). It’s an all-you-can-eat spiritual buffet!! If I’m not eating and being nourished and strengthened it’s no one’s fault but my own.
“For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace.” Isaiah 55: 12a
“Ho everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not?”
On a day like today when I am so overwhelmed with things that need to be done - when I get tired just thinking about it, when I have difficulty even prioritizing and organizing my thoughts and plans to accomplish at least something…I need nourishment and lots of it. I would falter before I even begin, or make an even bigger mistake - plunge in head first and just do whatever I can in my own strength, only to end up spinning my wheels, frustrated, fatigued, and still overwhelmed at the end of the day.
But God’s promises are forever, and are upheld by His sure mercies (v.3). This is such a beautiful thought to me, and such a beautiful and comforting passage. It speaks of that which is only supplied and satisfied by the Holy One (v.5):
“the waters” - the Spirit of God living in me, flowing through me
as promised, enabling, strengthening,
giving joy; my very salvation;
“milk” - sustenance and nourishment of the Word, simple enough
even a a baby can be filled to fullness, and sweet to all;
“wine” - sweet fellowship with my Savior, and His people,
providing along the the way encouragement and
admonishment for my growth;
“bread” - Christ Himself, my all-in-all.
The Lord says, “hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness” (v. 2). It’s an all-you-can-eat spiritual buffet!! If I’m not eating and being nourished and strengthened it’s no one’s fault but my own.
“For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace.” Isaiah 55: 12a
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