Oh Lord, You are my Lamp. The Lord lights up my darkness.  2 Samuel 22:29 NLT

How quickly the dark cloud can settle over me, and I find myself fighting to get out from under its oppressive weight. For someone that has dealt with mild depression for much of my life, I recognize the triggers; I am just not always able to avoid them. I am so grateful God knows me inside and out. He loves me and understands me and knows right where to meet me in these moments.

Like, the Sunday evening I did not want to go back to church. And as a pastor’s wife that’s not the best place to be, as you might well understand. But I was angry, hurt, grieving over a situation, compounded by other things I had already been dealing with and mulling over. Plus, my summer vacation was over…as a teacher it was time to head back to school and I wasn’t ready for that either. Things were about to get crazy busy again.

Silently praying on the way to church, picking out hymns of trust and praise to have ready for the service, I fought back tears and just waited on the Lord to minister grace to my needy heart. 

And He did.

My pastor husband decided to do a follow-up from the morning’s message on “Your Story” by inviting anyone that would like to do so, to share “their story”. As I listened to the stories of God’s guidance in lives, His wisdom given when needed for a decision, His grace that sustained through all the unanswered questions, His forgiveness when wayward, His peace when confused and unsettled, and His welcoming arms for those seeking restoration. In some situations, God had even chosen to physically heal. And there was sweet comfort for those that had experienced loss. 

Of course the tears started flowing; I couldn’t hold them back. But they were cleansing tears, the kind that leave you feeling humbled and refreshed and encouraged and grateful, all at the same time. So I let them come, while sharing some of my own heart. 

The dark cloud had no chance to stall out over me that time. God used His sweet presence and precious church family to minister to me and “lighten my darkness” before it had a chance to get a major grip on me. It was so wonderful to be reminded of how great and good He is. And then, my devotion the next morning in Our Daily Bread was about the Lord doing this very thing!! Coincidence? No, not with God. He definitely turned my darkness into light once again. What a Savior!!

The next day was a new day, full of hope and joy. Thank You Jesus. 

Wrestling with God

 Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. Genesis 32:24 (nkjv)

When reading this narrative in Genesis 32, it is fascinating to understand that this ‘man’ that wrestled with Jacob was none other than the Lord Himself. And what’s more? It said the Lord came to Jacob, when he was alone, and wrestled with him all night long. 

Jacob declared he had wrestled with God, seeing Him “face to face” (32:30); Jacob was told by this man he had wrestled with God…and man (the God-man, pre-incarnate Christ) and won (32:28). Jacob recognized he was wrestling with Someone who had the power and authority to bless him (32:26) and he would not let go until the blessing came.  

Jacob was hanging on for dear life, wrestling with God for this blessing He desperately needed, and at the Lord’s touch Jacob was a changed person. He took away a couple of reminders of this change: a new name, and a new walk. He would from this point be called Israel; and he would have a limp, or halt, that would follow him for the rest of his life, a reminder of the Lord’s touch during the struggle. 

Oh the moments, the seasons, I have wrestled with God, all the while not realizing He was wrestling with me. He has come to me in some of the most alone and desperate moments and just allowed me to grab hold, struggling and wrestling, yes. But holding on to Him knowing He would not let me go. I have questioned His will and His ways. I have wondered at His timing. Do these things that are weighing so heavily on me not concern Him? Why would He not intervene, bringing change in situations that, from my perspective, so desperately need it? His people suffer and are mistreated. Wrong is ignored, even championed and promoted as godly necessity. His work is negatively affected. It does not thrive, making a positive impact as it has the potential to do. Workplace bullying, spiritual abuse and intimidation, manipulation and control, unethical practices; these have no place in God’s work, yet I have witnessed it, experienced it…a travesty to the Gospel. 

In these moments I am drawn back to the truth that I serve a great and good God. Just this morning in a favorite devotional I was reminded that He is Lord…over His creation, over His church, over everything (Jesus Always, Embracing Joy in His Presence; Sarah Young). He could certainly intervene, and in a powerful and miraculous way. And wouldn’t that be quite the experience? To see God at work in His great and glorious power, righting wrongs and injustices, providing vindication. And then, the Spirit of God quietly reminds me that Who He is, is far more glorious and awesome than any experiences I might have. And in saving me I have experienced the greatest and most amazing change He is capable of.  

I must trust Him. 

When these situations assault me I will dive deeper into His timeless Truths, allowing them to guide me and keep me focused; I will fervently and faithfully pray for all concerned and affected, including myself; I will commit to continue to serve Him and others as He gives me grace and opportunity. I will embrace the beauty of His healing and keep moving forward along the path He has for me. I will cling to Him, confident He is actually holding me. 

And I know He will bless me, again.

Bless me with His sweet, comforting, healing Presence. 

Bless me with continued growth and change by His Spirit. 

Bless me with family and friends and community that are seeking the same things and can come alongside, supporting, encouraging.

Bless me with peace, peace in trusting Him, waiting on Him, knowing He will one day right all wrongs, provide eternal healing, and glory beyond understanding, even if I don’t get the immediate answers I am praying for.  

Have you wrestled with God lately?

Just Stay

The snow was falling as if in slow motion. It was so very beautiful; comforting, and calming.

It was still extremely cold, roads still messy. So we were staying in yet again for another day. “Stay in! Stay warm! Stay safe!” Those words had been shared a lot over the past few days as the winter storm made its way through the area.  

Stay. I took out my journal and started considering the many ways the Lord would have me consider this simple, profound principle; stay. 

Stay calm. 

Stay calm, resting in the comfort and beauty of the Lord’s sweet presence, no matter what a day brings. 

I’ve learned a few things living here in these West Virginia

mountains the last 30 years, and one is that weather is something totally unpredictable. They do the best they can with the tools and technology available, but when it comes down to it, the Creator is still ultimately in charge. A storm like this one, and the one just a few days prior, calls for awareness, preparedness, and definitely the ability to stay calm. Trees can come down, power may go out, and in some places the roads are impassable. The better choice is to stay in, stay warm, and stay safe as much as possible. 

We find many of these same admonishments in God’s Word; encouragements, warnings, guidance, counsel. 

“The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul. The decrees of the Lord

are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The commandments of the Lord are right, 

bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight for

living. Reverence for the Lord is pure, lasting forever. The Laws of the Lord are true;

        each one is fair. They are more desirable than gold, even the finest gold. They are

        sweeter than honey, even honey dripping from the comb. They are a warning to your

        servant, a great reward for those who obey them.” 

Psalms 19:7-8

We plan. We assume. We presume to know what a day will bring. And it is right to plan, think ahead, prepare. But in the end, when things don’t turn out like we planned? When life doesn’t land us where we thought we would be? When the day is interrupted with the unexpected, when sadness sneaks in, when grief attempts to steal joy, when frustrations mount with each disappointment, when any given day holds more than we can handle? What then?

Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you (I Peter 5:7). He really does care. And when we choose to stay calm and rest in that care, He clears the cobwebs, and we can better see the situation for what it is. He comforts the soul, and we can feel His love and presence when we need it most. 

Just now, like those snowflakes that appeared to be in slow motion, slow down and be still in His presence. Direct your thoughts to His Word. Talk to Him, or just whisper His name until the calm takes over and the joy begins to bring a smile to your heart. Let Him take control of the moment. 

“Be still, and know that I am God!” Psalms 46:10

Stay calm.

Up from the Dirt

 

“If things are tough, remember that every flower that ever bloomed had to go through a whole lot of dirt to get there.”

I love this quote by Barbara Johnson. Remembering that the process matters as much as the end result is not always welcomed. But it is so necessary. Life is just as much about the journey as the destination. 

The challenge is enjoying the journey when the going gets rough. Where is the joy when life seems to be all uphill, throwing the unexpected and undesired at us like pop-up downpours in the spring? 

Determine you will look at that uphill climb and say, “Let’s do this, Lord!” I am more than a conqueror with you as my faithful Guide and Companion. Turn your face upward in the downpour and let Jesus wash over you with His peace and promises, not forgetting to praise Him in the turbulent times. He knows where you are. He knows what you need. That Truth often fades when the need is greatest. 

The beauty of flowers in bloom always makes me smile…when I stop to notice them. I especially love jonquils and other wildflowers. And rarely do I think about the seeds and bulbs under the pile of dirt BEFORE that beautiful bloom appears. I’m just lost in the end result…the colors, the shapes, the fragrance! 

Yes, we may feel at any given time we’re lost under a heavy clod of dirt just weighing us down. The weight of what we are carrying leaves us wondering when we’ll see the light of day and the pressure will lift.  But Jesus is in the process! He is the One that plants us where we’re supposed to be and cares for us. Don’t forget He is right there with you, giving you the strength to keep pushing your way up through the dirt. He sees the end result, the beauty in the struggle and the sweet fragrance He knows our lives will be —-if we can trust Him to do His work in and through us. If we can just trust His plan, His timing, His care, that He is ever growing us; that He can bring something beautiful and meaningful from it all. 

His presence on the journey makes all the difference. We are setting ourselves up for failure to try to go it on our own. Settle in on His promises. Embrace His peace. Trust His plan. The time to bloom again will come. 

We just have to trust Him while still in the dirt. 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Note: The pic is from Thanksgiving Point, Lehi, Utah. A gorgeous place to visit if you ever have the chance! A favorite place when visiting our son and his family living in Spanish Fork, UT.

A Shipwrecked Faith

A post from November 2022:

 “It is our responsibility to “be on guard’. We have to be aware of the dangers to our faith and do what is necessary to provide satan no open door to our hearts. 

I don’t know what dangers to your faith there might be, or where you may be tempted to be lax in your faith journey. I just know the Scripture admonishes us to be alert, watchful, vigilant, to see our faith strengthened. We are to be continually “growing in grace and the knowledge of our Savior” (2 Peter 3:18). Are you growing? Do you know more of Jesus today than yesterday? A year ago? What hardships or challenges may have sidelined you, or brought you up short of His grace and peace and joy? What has dulled your senses to the glories of Christ? 

Don’t be ignorant of the dangers to your faith. Don’t disregard the warning signs. It may be as simple as a subtle shift in thinking, an annoyance, a distraction, an unresolved offense. It may be physical pain or even a tragedy that shakes the very foundations of all we believe. It happens when we least expect it, catching us off guard. Just be aware. Stay in the Word. Stay connected with your church and community of believers. Stay sensitive to the Spirit’s quiet promptings. Stay in worship mode - prayer, gratitude, giving, worship and praise music, service to others. 

Don’t find yourself stranded along your faith journey.” 

I made this post, never thinking for a minute that I would see someone I love dearly in a spiritually dangerous place, going their own way to “be true to themselves”, disregarding God’s Word and walking away from the ones that love them most, to follow their own mind about life and choices. Whether it was out of genuine concern for the hurt the truth would cause, fear of confrontation, or maybe some other very real and personal reason, they hid what they really believed for a very long time, quietly and subtly distancing themselves from family and other believers. Church attendance, worship, fellowship continued…on the surface, until eventually the choice was made to just walk away from it all. It culminated in being self-absorbed, consumed with how they felt and who they believed they must be at the expense of those they loved. But what of their faith? Did they abandon it? Were they ever truly a believer? 

Paul speaks of a shipwrecked faith in 1 Timothy 1:19; 

     “For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked.” 

Because our own choices are the only ones we can control, it is a helpless feeling, and devastating to see someone you love willfully disregarding God’s Word and openly embracing sin. It is hard to stand by and watch as they make choices based on feelings and a philosophy of life contrary to God’s Truth. It is painful to see them distancing themselves from Jesus, and as a result, from you and their godly family and community of believers. There is rejection, grief, feelings of betrayal.  How did it happen? When did it begin? Were there indicators to the fact that their mind and heart was changing? Were their needs and struggles, questions that needed answers? 

Feelings are a powerful motivator. It is emotionally exhausting to be constantly battling with what seem to be uncontrollable feelings, leaving many to feel helpless and confused. It is easier to just give in. And there is no short supply of influencers standing ready to empower, educate, and lure us and our loved ones away from the very One that provides healing, worth and contentment. Others are simply reacting, from abuse, loneliness, temptation, thoughts of having ‘missed out’ in some way. Whatever the reason, this is happening all too often.

In John 6:59-69, Jesus teaches some “hard things”. His teachings were somewhat offensive, going against the grain of current cultural beliefs and the religious system of the day. Jesus experienced hurt and rejection as many turned back from following Him.  He asked his disciples, “Will you also go away?” Peter’s answer helps us gain understanding and confidence in dealing with the fact that many will be offended at His Truth. Many will begin to question their beliefs as they are bombarded with philosophies and ideas that seem to bring some relief from the pull to “be true to self”. Many will go away. But to Whom will we go?

“To Whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”  John 6: 68-69

To Whom shall we go? 

We go to Jesus. Don’t get lost in all the hurt, the grief, the heartbreak. Don’t get caught up in the differences and disagreements. Take it to Jesus, often, always! Don’t let it negatively impact your relationship with Jesus. Be careful that concern does not turn to worry. Feed on His word. Worship. Pray. Allow the Spirit of God to minister grace to your own heart so you can be focused and fearless in fighting for the spiritual well-being of your loved one. Have others pray with you as you can. They are worth the time and effort spent. As time goes on, it can become easy to give up hope, to get distracted and move into a comfortable separation, or begin to believe that nothing can be done about what has happened, so why keep thinking about it? Think about it, dwell on it, but only in terms of love and prayer and hope. In Luke 15, when the prodigal son “came to himself” and decided he needed to go home to his father, he found that “while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him….” (v.20). We go to Jesus, and anticipate the homecoming. 

You have the words of eternal life. 

Be reminded of what really matters, and that’s eternity. The sacred Scripture is power. It is life-giving. It is eternal. Pray and believe the promises of God for loved ones, and keep praying, that God will remind them and bombard them with His love and Truth; that they will remember things they have been taught and perhaps have known since a young child; that they will be assured and assaulted with Who Jesus is—-He is the Son of the Living God. Think and pray from an eternal perspective about His care for their soul. After all, the most important thing is that they be brought back into a right relationship with Jesus, or if they never truly knew Him, that they come to know Him in a real and personal way as Savior. Yes, their sin does impact us, and others. But this is not about us. God heals our hearts, and theirs, as we surrender our hurt and hearts to Him. 

Words.   

Continue to love. This may sound like a given. But often it is the expression of our love that becomes extremely difficult. Often what our loved ones desire is our affirmation and endorsement of their behavior and choices. They want us to affirm that what they are doing is acceptable. They may accuse us of being unloving and unsupportive when we cannot condone or support their choices. Continue to love, even from a distance if need be. Love, and pray, and always be available. The most unloving thing we can do is dismiss Truth and enable our loved ones to believe we are not bothered by their sinful choices. If they choose to believe that by loving, we must agree and support them in their sin, that is a choice they make. And yes that may alienate them for a time. They may pull away, and this is what most are afraid of. They don’t want to risk the separation. It may even be viewed as a lost opportunity. But it also gives God space to work. He doesn’t need us to do His work for Him. 

Please understand. Attitudes, opinions, prejudices, personal judgments, verbal attacks, condemnation, arrogance…these push people away. But God’s Word shared in genuine love for what is best for the one loved, is what is needed. Trust Him for the opportune times to do this. Truth shared may still offend, but people should never be offended by the way we share it. Just find every opportunity to let your loved ones know they are loved beyond measure, by you and Jesus. He loves them even more than we ever could. He truly does understand them. What we affirm is in God’s sight they are valued and precious. Send a text. Write a letter.  And just be available. Wait for the opportunity to “run and embrace”, “filled with love and compassion”, as the prodigal father did. God will impress you with ways to practically express your love when you seek Him, when you can get past the personal hurt and how you feel, and just love. 

Just keep praying. Just keep loving. That’s what we can choose to do. 

Dangers to Faith

 Dangers to your faith. I was struck with this phrase in my daily devotional. Hindrances, hang-ups, but 

dangers? Are they what I think they might be? After all, satan is subtle, deceptive:

         

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring

lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand strong against him and be strong in 

your faith.”  I Peter 5:8-9 NLT

When I was in high school, I went out to my car at the end of the day to head home. I turned the key just like every other day, only this time it would not start. When I called my dad, he decided to send out a wrecker. This totally embarrassed and annoyed me. I was just out of gas! But the back story is key. You see, this was not the first time this had happened. My dad had been dealing with me about watching my gauges, making time for routine maintenance, and paying attention to warning signs that would indicate a problem. It was best to be preventive than be neglectful and cause major issues, or to find myself stranded somewhere (there were no cell phones in those days!). He continued to remind me that vehicles need three things to run efficiently…gas, oil, and other fluids, and it was my responsibility to make sure my car had those three things. I was simply ignoring that responsibility and all the signs. So now? I was dealing with the consequences…it turned out to be much more serious than just being out of gas. Does anyone know what a cracked engine block is? Well I do unfortunately, and I learned at a young age. It was a costly repair and one that left me without my car for about a week. And something simple like noticing my oil light, could have prevented this.  Did it place me in any immediate danger? No. This time I was just inconvenienced. But failed brake lines could have. Again, simple things looked at carefully during routine maintenance checks could prevent dangerous situations…if I would be aware of the dangers, pay attention to the warning signals, and take the time for regular maintenance checks.  

Our spiritual lives can often feel that way…like we’re coasting along, no problems, believing everything is fine.  We mindlessly travel this faith journey, not sensing any immediate spiritual dangers. We are not looking for them. But neglect and just plain ignorance can be dangerous, especially when our “great enemy” is lurking about just waiting for an opportunity to pounce. We’re easily lulled into passivity and lassitude. Or perhaps a tiny temptation presents itself when we’re most vulnerable. 

It is our responsibility to “be on guard’. We have to be aware of the dangers to our faith and do what is necessary to provide satan no open door to our hearts. 

I don’t know what dangers to your faith there might be, or where you may be tempted to be lax in your faith journey. I just know the Scripture admonishes us to be alert, watchful, vigilant, to see our faith strengthened and steadfast. We are to be continually “growing in grace and the knowledge of our Savior” (2 Peter 3:18). Are you growing? Do you know more of Jesus today than yesterday? A year ago? What hardships or challenges may have sidelined you, or brought you up short of His grace and peace and joy? What has dulled your senses to the glories of Christ? 

Don’t be ignorant of the dangers to your faith. Don’t disregard the warning signs. It may be as simple as a subtle shift in thinking, an annoyance, a distraction, an unresolved offense. It may be physical pain or even a tragedy that shakes the very foundations of all we believe. It happens when we least expect it, catching us off guard. Just be aware. Stay in the Word. Stay connected with your church and community of believers. Stay sensitive to the Spirit’s quiet promptings. Stay in worship mode - prayer, gratitude, giving, worship and praise music, service to others. 

Don’t find yourself stranded along your faith journey.

How "R" You?

Some days I just want the day to end. I want to go to bed, wake up and just get a new day started. Have you been there? Are you there now?

I’m in a season of caregiving for my mother-in-law, and some days are just hard. It’s a constant struggle to keep her comfortable, be patient and compassionate; not take the cutting remarks personally; to not be able to do anything right; handle the negativity, the lack of joy. She struggles with Jesus not taking her home, but instead letting her linger in her condition. I get it. That’s hard too. I don’t know what I will be like when my homegoing draws close, but I know what I want it to be like. So I commit daily to being Jesus to her, sometimes moment by moment. Do I fail? Yes, sometimes miserably…thus the desire to just see the day end and be able to start over!! I’m learning lessons again, being stretched in my faith again, being pressed to prayer again in ways that only this wonderful time could bring my way. 

What season are you in? Life has a way of throwing rocks at us, beating us down. Some would call it being dealt a terrible hand, or perhaps fate. No, even when life happens, God is still in charge. He is still so very good. Some things are easier to deal with than others, no doubt. But we all have those things that discourage, disappoint, defeat, demean, disillusion, even make us doubt the God that made us, that saved us, that walks with us. Oh those devilish “D” words!!  

When the heat is on and the emotions are raw, it’s tough to remember the God who loves us beyond what we can understand and that He has not abandoned us to ourselves or our situations. I sat down this week, completely deflated (another D word!) and tried to get myself together. I was dull with trying to push back against how things were making me feel. I picked up my journal and leafed back through the last year or so.  God had been so very good. His timing was perfect at every turn. I walked through some of the tough decisions and challenges, making a point to read the Scripture and prayers I had recorded. I came away with some “R’s” to replace those “D’s”.

REST!  How “R” you? You may need to rest. One of my sons recently shared a conversation he was having with his daughter about a relationship issue. He encouraged her to “do the right thing, then rest in Truth.”  What sound admonishment. It’s one thing to know God’s Truth.  It’s quite another to rest in it, letting it guide our thoughts and behaviors, letting it control our concerns with outcomes. Resting in Truth is freeing. It brings all the promises of God to our disposal. But we have to know Truth and appropriate Truth for it to work its wonder in our lives and daily ups and downs. And biblical, authoritative Truth is relative to every situation. 

REACH!  How “R” you? You may need to reach. Hurtful people, painful times, are just the times to practice in an even more intentional and determined way the kindness of Christ. Once pummeled, it’s challenging to respond and react with grace, kindness, humility, goodness. But we have to keep reaching out, even to those that don’t appreciate it, don’t want it, don’t respect it, are oblivious to it. And we do that because the love of Christ compels us to, it honors Him. It ministers grace and peace and joy to our own hearts. It makes a difference. If not in the other person, in us. 

REFOCUS! How “R” you? You may need to refocus. Satan loves to distract. There it is, another D word!  Become quickly acquainted with Satan’s ways and wiles, seducing our attention away from the sacred, away from the Savior’s sweet grace and the awareness of His presence with us. When the doubts surface…and they will…do not believe the lies. You are loved. You are enough. You are His beloved child. You are forgiven. You are able. He makes all this possible. One distraction leads to another and before we know it we are far removed from the joy, the peace, the wisdom, the strength, the grace we need and enjoy, because the distractions have crowded out time in His Word, time being quiet in His presence, soaking in His nearness and love. Often even good things can distract, keeping us busy, leaving us wondering what happened. Where is the joy?  Where is the peace of mind and grateful heart? Where is the determination to do the right thing? Where is the strength to stay the course? It can evaporate in the distractions. Refocus your heart and mind on the person of Jesus. Go back to the priority of praise and prayer and time in the Word. This will get you through. 

REJOICE!  How “R” you? You may need to break out in praise! Rejoicing is easier when things are going well, when what we normally view as “blessings” are flowing. It’s in our nature to smile and laugh and be joyful in the absence of obstacles, challenges, problems, difficulties, pain, heartbreak, loss. And we don’t often think of those things as blessings. This is when we have to step back and separate how we feel from what we know to be true!! We may not be able to change what is happening at any given moment, and we don’t have to deny or dismiss how we feel. But we have to choose to be joyful, to praise God always. To lift our hearts and hands to Him in grateful, genuine praise. Not because we’ve been spared life’s blows, but in spite of them. Hard times, waiting times, happy times, alone times, all.the.times.!!  Rejoicing always changes our perspective and lifts us above the oppressive clouds and enables us to see the Son again!  

REVISIT!  How “R” you? When is the last time you took a moment to revisit God at work in the details of your life?  Go back often to the times and places you saw the faithfulness of God. Revisit the miraculous moments, the lessons learned, the victories, the dark times. It will serve to strengthen your resolve to trust Him more. It will give you reason to rejoice again. You will see Him strong and faithful on your behalf and be reminded that He does not change. I keep a journal and I do this often. In dark times, these journals take me back. All the raw emotion, the sharp pain, the wondering and waiting. But I also see where the Lord has brought me from and it gives me a fresh perspective on where I am now. By His great grace, I am and will be ok because He is great and good. He has been faithful in the past. He will be faithful always. 

How “R” you, really? I pray you can rest, reach, refocus, rejoice, and revisit God’s greatness and goodness, especially if you’re in a rough spot. You may find some additional “R’s” of your own to encourage your heart. I hope you are good. 

But when we’re not, Jesus still is.