Star of Wonder

 I'm amazed each year how the messages of Christmas seem to find me exactly where I am in my  needy place. As I read it with a prayerful heart in anticipation, He opens my eyes to the wonder of it all, all over again. 

As I open my heart, the Lord speaks ever so gently. It may be the simple but bold message “do not be afraid”. It may be the message of Immanuel, God with us, assurance of His promise to always be with me. It has been about seeing the wise men find Jesus, going home differently than they came. Oh the change that comes after an encounter with the very Son of God! 

This year it has been about the star. “His star” (Matthew 2:2), led the wise men on their journey. They were given the guidance they needed. They were led to Jesus. 

There are so many unanswered questions that come up during this journey, so much I don't always understand. That guidance is still desperately needed. But knowing that God is faithful to provide exactly what I need, when I need it, is a comfort and encouragement in the Darkness that can surround me. What I need is to get ever closer to Jesus. And with all that life brings my way…every joy, every heartbreak, He is forever guiding me closer to Him. 

As we look to Him in faith, the comfort of His guidance is there. It may appear as bright as the star that led the wise men, or as subtle as a whisper in the wind. The Star* is faithful and His paths can be trusted. As we believe His Word, embrace His grace and follow on, He gives wisdom, answers the hard questions, and gives grace, patience, acceptance, peace, and comfort when the answers don't come. Whatever we need, it's in Jesus.

Take another step. Keep getting closer. 

Oh God, with Your help I'll keep following the Star until You lead me home.

“A Star will rise from Jacob…” Numbers 24:17

 Oh Lord, You are my Lamp. The Lord lights up my darkness.  2 Samuel 22:29 NLT

How quickly the dark cloud can settle over me, and I find myself fighting to get out from under its oppressive weight. For someone that has dealt with mild depression for much of my life, I recognize the triggers; I am just not always able to avoid them. I am so grateful God knows me inside and out. He loves me and understands me and knows right where to meet me in these moments.

Like, the Sunday evening I did not want to go back to church. And as a pastor’s wife that’s not the best place to be, as you might well understand. But I was angry, hurt, grieving over a situation, compounded by other things I had already been dealing with and mulling over. Plus, my summer vacation was over…as a teacher it was time to head back to school and I wasn’t ready for that either. Things were about to get crazy busy again.

Silently praying on the way to church, picking out hymns of trust and praise to have ready for the service, I fought back tears and just waited on the Lord to minister grace to my needy heart. 

And He did.

My pastor husband decided to do a follow-up from the morning’s message on “Your Story” by inviting anyone that would like to do so, to share “their story”. As I listened to the stories of God’s guidance in lives, His wisdom given when needed for a decision, His grace that sustained through all the unanswered questions, His forgiveness when wayward, His peace when confused and unsettled, and His welcoming arms for those seeking restoration. In some situations, God had even chosen to physically heal. And there was sweet comfort for those that had experienced loss. 

Of course the tears started flowing; I couldn’t hold them back. But they were cleansing tears, the kind that leave you feeling humbled and refreshed and encouraged and grateful, all at the same time. So I let them come, while sharing some of my own heart. 

The dark cloud had no chance to stall out over me that time. God used His sweet presence and precious church family to minister to me and “lighten my darkness” before it had a chance to get a major grip on me. It was so wonderful to be reminded of how great and good He is. And then, my devotion the next morning in Our Daily Bread was about the Lord doing this very thing!! Coincidence? No, not with God. He definitely turned my darkness into light once again. What a Savior!!

The next day was a new day, full of hope and joy. Thank You Jesus. 

Wrestling with God

 Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. Genesis 32:24 (nkjv)

When reading this narrative in Genesis 32, it is fascinating to understand that this ‘man’ that wrestled with Jacob was none other than the Lord Himself. And what’s more? It said the Lord came to Jacob, when he was alone, and wrestled with him all night long. 

Jacob declared he had wrestled with God, seeing Him “face to face” (32:30); Jacob was told by this man he had wrestled with God…and man (the God-man, pre-incarnate Christ) and won (32:28). Jacob recognized he was wrestling with Someone who had the power and authority to bless him (32:26) and he would not let go until the blessing came.  

Jacob was hanging on for dear life, wrestling with God for this blessing He desperately needed, and at the Lord’s touch Jacob was a changed person. He took away a couple of reminders of this change: a new name, and a new walk. He would from this point be called Israel; and he would have a limp, or halt, that would follow him for the rest of his life, a reminder of the Lord’s touch during the struggle. 

Oh the moments, the seasons, I have wrestled with God, all the while not realizing He was wrestling with me. He has come to me in some of the most alone and desperate moments and just allowed me to grab hold, struggling and wrestling, yes. But holding on to Him knowing He would not let me go. I have questioned His will and His ways. I have wondered at His timing. Do these things that are weighing so heavily on me not concern Him? Why would He not intervene, bringing change in situations that, from my perspective, so desperately need it? His people suffer and are mistreated. Wrong is ignored, even championed and promoted as godly necessity. His work is negatively affected. It does not thrive, making a positive impact as it has the potential to do. Workplace bullying, spiritual abuse and intimidation, manipulation and control, unethical practices; these have no place in God’s work, yet I have witnessed it, experienced it…a travesty to the Gospel. 

In these moments I am drawn back to the truth that I serve a great and good God. Just this morning in a favorite devotional I was reminded that He is Lord…over His creation, over His church, over everything (Jesus Always, Embracing Joy in His Presence; Sarah Young). He could certainly intervene, and in a powerful and miraculous way. And wouldn’t that be quite the experience? To see God at work in His great and glorious power, righting wrongs and injustices, providing vindication. And then, the Spirit of God quietly reminds me that Who He is, is far more glorious and awesome than any experiences I might have. And in saving me I have experienced the greatest and most amazing change He is capable of.  

I must trust Him. 

When these situations assault me I will dive deeper into His timeless Truths, allowing them to guide me and keep me focused; I will fervently and faithfully pray for all concerned and affected, including myself; I will commit to continue to serve Him and others as He gives me grace and opportunity. I will embrace the beauty of His healing and keep moving forward along the path He has for me. I will cling to Him, confident He is actually holding me. 

And I know He will bless me, again.

Bless me with His sweet, comforting, healing Presence. 

Bless me with continued growth and change by His Spirit. 

Bless me with family and friends and community that are seeking the same things and can come alongside, supporting, encouraging.

Bless me with peace, peace in trusting Him, waiting on Him, knowing He will one day right all wrongs, provide eternal healing, and glory beyond understanding, even if I don’t get the immediate answers I am praying for.  

Have you wrestled with God lately?

Just Stay

The snow was falling as if in slow motion. It was so very beautiful; comforting, and calming.

It was still extremely cold, roads still messy. So we were staying in yet again for another day. “Stay in! Stay warm! Stay safe!” Those words had been shared a lot over the past few days as the winter storm made its way through the area.  

Stay. I took out my journal and started considering the many ways the Lord would have me consider this simple, profound principle; stay. 

Stay calm. 

Stay calm, resting in the comfort and beauty of the Lord’s sweet presence, no matter what a day brings. 

I’ve learned a few things living here in these West Virginia

mountains the last 30 years, and one is that weather is something totally unpredictable. They do the best they can with the tools and technology available, but when it comes down to it, the Creator is still ultimately in charge. A storm like this one, and the one just a few days prior, calls for awareness, preparedness, and definitely the ability to stay calm. Trees can come down, power may go out, and in some places the roads are impassable. The better choice is to stay in, stay warm, and stay safe as much as possible. 

We find many of these same admonishments in God’s Word; encouragements, warnings, guidance, counsel. 

“The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul. The decrees of the Lord

are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The commandments of the Lord are right, 

bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight for

living. Reverence for the Lord is pure, lasting forever. The Laws of the Lord are true;

        each one is fair. They are more desirable than gold, even the finest gold. They are

        sweeter than honey, even honey dripping from the comb. They are a warning to your

        servant, a great reward for those who obey them.” 

Psalms 19:7-8

We plan. We assume. We presume to know what a day will bring. And it is right to plan, think ahead, prepare. But in the end, when things don’t turn out like we planned? When life doesn’t land us where we thought we would be? When the day is interrupted with the unexpected, when sadness sneaks in, when grief attempts to steal joy, when frustrations mount with each disappointment, when any given day holds more than we can handle? What then?

Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you (I Peter 5:7). He really does care. And when we choose to stay calm and rest in that care, He clears the cobwebs, and we can better see the situation for what it is. He comforts the soul, and we can feel His love and presence when we need it most. 

Just now, like those snowflakes that appeared to be in slow motion, slow down and be still in His presence. Direct your thoughts to His Word. Talk to Him, or just whisper His name until the calm takes over and the joy begins to bring a smile to your heart. Let Him take control of the moment. 

“Be still, and know that I am God!” Psalms 46:10

Stay calm.