I’ve been thinking a lot about rebellion these days. As Roger and I invest ourselves in the lives of the teen boys that come to the home, some hurt is inevitable. And we do not believe that any are random placements, but rather are directed by God, every child a gift (Ps 127:3). We cannot help but grow to love these boys. And when they make wrong choices, especially choices that impact their futures in ways they are usually not considering at the time, it grieves us. But it also reminds us of the great needs, and we love them even more. Wonderfully, we serve a great God that loves them even more than we do.
As real and serious as rebellion is, I’m not convinced all children that make wrong choices are doing so out of a rebellious heart. Luke 2: 40-52 provided some insight on this. Mary and Joseph had made the annual trek into Jerusalem for the Passover. They were a day’s journey into their return home only to discover that Jesus was not “in the company”. They returned to Jerusalem to find him in the temple.
Jesus was clearly not in rebellion because he failed to be where his parents thought he was. Did they fully understand what Jesus was about? Verse 50 explains they did not. They made assumptions they shouldn’t have made, and had wrong expectations of him, all because they did not understand him.
Well, understanding the mind of a teenager might seem like an impossible feat. It is definitely a challenge, but it’s one that we need to embrace. Learning how they tick is so important. It will be different for each child. It’s especially interesting when they think differently than we do! It might create some clashes from time to time, some tension. It often takes strong and deliberate contemplation before God to “figure that kid out”! But hasty conclusions won’t do. And you’ll never do it apart from simply talking to them either, a lot.
Have they intentionally disobeyed, or was there possibly some misunderstanding? Were expectations clear? Has adequate instruction been provided? What you were trying to teach them, did they get it?? What are they trying to accomplish? What were their motivators or triggers? Young people are usually not thinking beyond the immediate. They’re not weighing all the factors or considering consequences. They're not considering that the process is as important as the end result. They may have an “end justifies the means” philosophy without even realizing it. Are they left feeling that what they think and how they feel is not important?
I Thessalonians 5:14 offers some help in this area, identifying some behaviors in addition to rebellion, and guidance in handling other attitudes and behaviors:
“…warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.”
Rather than be in rebellion, could a young person simply be unruly and would respond to a warning? What about careless, weak, unmotivated, indifferent, foolish children? These all require attention…discipline, structure, firm consistency, support, encouragement, but are far from rebellion at this point, and should be dealt with accordingly. For example, to roughly and sternly warn the weak, laying out ultimatums, could crush them in their insecurity. But to offer support and encouragement, taking a befriending approach to the unruly, could end up enabling them and strengthening them in their behaviors, letting them feel they “got away with it”.
I’m not done with this! And I’m grateful the Scripture abounds with truth and principles to explore and apply, because I’m sure there will be no shortage of hurting young people that need Him and the guidance He provides.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Keepers at Home
I began to grow restless about where I was in the area of my service for the Lord. I was very much involved at church…teaching a ladies Bible class, working a bus route bringing children to church on Sunday mornings, together with my husband directing junior church for over a hundred children on the average each Sunday. I was back in school trying to finish my degree (I had put that on hold to homeschool our boys and allow Rog to finish his Masters), and working part-time at the Bible college I was attending. But sitting in my office one day, I felt stifled by the ‘Christian bubble’ I was in. I was not out in the community nearly as much anymore, speaking to others about Christ. Even though I was confident this was the ministry for me at the time, I missed my contact with “the real world” some would call it. I determined to make sure I was using every opportunity regardless of my primary ministry, to speak out and for Christ. I found some amazing outlets were provided.
When the boys were younger and I was completely occupied at home, I would also have times when I felt like there was more I should be doing for the Lord. Even then, I was working in children’s church, working a bus route, and working with another couple with youth group, singing in the choir, working in the nursery…so it wasn’t like I wasn’t involved. But there were times it was a tremendous challenge with four little ones to be so involved. I struggled between feelings of guilt, pressure, and what my true priorities should be. Through prayer and reading the Word, God would impressed on me the importance and priority of my place in my home with my children at that time. I made some changes and never regretted it.
But then, with my children grown and my responsibilities completely different, I was feeling it again. No guilt this time. I learned my lesson about serving out of guilt and pressure. That’s no service at all. It’s just mostly joyless duty and activity that drains and creates stress. This was more a restlessness and a desire to once again move outside the bubble.
Along with some other stresses and circumstances that were causing me to rethink the place of ministry God had me in at the time, the thought of a making another change wouldn’t leave me. Once again, through prayer and time in God’s Word…nearly a year this time of intense seeking the Lord…doors began to open. Rog came in one afternoon with a complimentary booklet he had received at the church, and I began to read it. About half-way through the booklet, the following statement sailed off the page:
“Your home is the single most powerful arena on earth to change a life for God’.
Bruce Wilkenson, The Prayer of Jabez.
Well, I believed that with all my heart. Rog and I had given ourselves long ago to the very goal of making our home a place where lives were impacted for Christ…the lives of our children first and foremost, then any others God would direct to us. We wanted our home to be a haven, a place of growth and nourishment, a place to think and learn, a place of love, acceptance, and the chance to love in return. We wanted it to be obvious, even when there were challenges and emotions and mistakes and failures, that God was in charge here.
We still believe this. Only now the Lord has “enlarged our tent” to another “home”, one especially for children that we have now been house parents in for nearly two years.
Lesson?? Don’t underestimate the reach of your home…God has graciously allowed us in recent years to see its impact literally around the globe. Once again, no regrets.
“Every wise woman buildeth her house…” Prov 14:1; “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it” Ps 127: 1. This is not a contradiction. Let the Lord build his house through you.
When the boys were younger and I was completely occupied at home, I would also have times when I felt like there was more I should be doing for the Lord. Even then, I was working in children’s church, working a bus route, and working with another couple with youth group, singing in the choir, working in the nursery…so it wasn’t like I wasn’t involved. But there were times it was a tremendous challenge with four little ones to be so involved. I struggled between feelings of guilt, pressure, and what my true priorities should be. Through prayer and reading the Word, God would impressed on me the importance and priority of my place in my home with my children at that time. I made some changes and never regretted it.
But then, with my children grown and my responsibilities completely different, I was feeling it again. No guilt this time. I learned my lesson about serving out of guilt and pressure. That’s no service at all. It’s just mostly joyless duty and activity that drains and creates stress. This was more a restlessness and a desire to once again move outside the bubble.
Along with some other stresses and circumstances that were causing me to rethink the place of ministry God had me in at the time, the thought of a making another change wouldn’t leave me. Once again, through prayer and time in God’s Word…nearly a year this time of intense seeking the Lord…doors began to open. Rog came in one afternoon with a complimentary booklet he had received at the church, and I began to read it. About half-way through the booklet, the following statement sailed off the page:
“Your home is the single most powerful arena on earth to change a life for God’.
Bruce Wilkenson, The Prayer of Jabez.
Well, I believed that with all my heart. Rog and I had given ourselves long ago to the very goal of making our home a place where lives were impacted for Christ…the lives of our children first and foremost, then any others God would direct to us. We wanted our home to be a haven, a place of growth and nourishment, a place to think and learn, a place of love, acceptance, and the chance to love in return. We wanted it to be obvious, even when there were challenges and emotions and mistakes and failures, that God was in charge here.
We still believe this. Only now the Lord has “enlarged our tent” to another “home”, one especially for children that we have now been house parents in for nearly two years.
Lesson?? Don’t underestimate the reach of your home…God has graciously allowed us in recent years to see its impact literally around the globe. Once again, no regrets.
“Every wise woman buildeth her house…” Prov 14:1; “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it” Ps 127: 1. This is not a contradiction. Let the Lord build his house through you.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Love your husbands and children
"...teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children..."
I listened as Roger preached from Titus 2, a familiar passage. But my thoughts became hung on the verse above, amazed once again that God would see the need for women to be instructed to love their husbands and children. Doesn't that just come naturally, especially to believers?
Sadly, no. To truly love as God would have us to means to love unselfishly. And sometimes it's difficult to see and admit that loving selfishly is exactly what we're doing. If true love is always doing what is best for the object of that love, it often takes a determined effort to remove self from the picture.
Loving your husband and children should be the most wonderful and fulfilling experience you'll have as a woman. But this can't be the reason you extend yourself and express your love for them. Loving your husband and children cannot be about how it makes you feel or about what you want. Wives and mothers cannot do what they do because of how fulfilling it is. It can't be about being needed or appreciated. If you are to truly love the way God would have you to it must be unconditional.
Unconditional love is unselfish. And loving unconditionally will constrain you to continue loving even when it's hard and it hurts. Selfish love quits, abandons, won't forgive, controls, pouts, and manipulates. It doesn't stop until it has its way.
Of course, this goes against most of today's prevalent philosophies; just consider the pro-choice movement as one example, and the 50/50 marriage mentality for another. And because it is so prevalent in society today, and because it's a part of our very nature to be selfish, God's way of loving must still be taught.
I listened as Roger preached from Titus 2, a familiar passage. But my thoughts became hung on the verse above, amazed once again that God would see the need for women to be instructed to love their husbands and children. Doesn't that just come naturally, especially to believers?
Sadly, no. To truly love as God would have us to means to love unselfishly. And sometimes it's difficult to see and admit that loving selfishly is exactly what we're doing. If true love is always doing what is best for the object of that love, it often takes a determined effort to remove self from the picture.
Loving your husband and children should be the most wonderful and fulfilling experience you'll have as a woman. But this can't be the reason you extend yourself and express your love for them. Loving your husband and children cannot be about how it makes you feel or about what you want. Wives and mothers cannot do what they do because of how fulfilling it is. It can't be about being needed or appreciated. If you are to truly love the way God would have you to it must be unconditional.
Unconditional love is unselfish. And loving unconditionally will constrain you to continue loving even when it's hard and it hurts. Selfish love quits, abandons, won't forgive, controls, pouts, and manipulates. It doesn't stop until it has its way.
Of course, this goes against most of today's prevalent philosophies; just consider the pro-choice movement as one example, and the 50/50 marriage mentality for another. And because it is so prevalent in society today, and because it's a part of our very nature to be selfish, God's way of loving must still be taught.
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