Angiegrams

Loaded Questions

2012-01-29T07:25:00.001-05:00

“Now the Angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness…and He said, Hagar, Sarai’s maid, where have you come from and where are you going?” Genesis 16: 7-8

Wow, loaded questions. Where have you come from? Where are you going? Well, Hagar had an answer for where she had come from. She was “fleeing from the presence” of Sarai.

Quite the drama plays itself out in this relationship triangle. There’s Abraham, married to Sarah (Abram and Sarai at this point). They’ve been promised a son, but Sarah is unable to bare children. She believes God will make good on His Word, but she’s not sure when or how. Perhaps He needs her assistance in this matter. Enter Hagar, Sarah’s handmaid. It has been ten years already, and still the Lord has kept Sarah from bearing children (16:2). So, she suggests to Abraham that perhaps she could raise up a child born to him from Hagar; kind of a surrogate mother situation, only without the technological availability of in vitro fertilization. Well, this sounds like a reasonable arrangement until Hagar actually conceives. Sarah begins to feel despised by Hagar and decides she has made a terrible mistake. When Abraham says she can deal with Hagar as she pleases, Sarah is harsh with her. Hagar flees.

The Lord comes to Hagar in her place of despair. She’s pregnant, alone, and since she cannot tell the Lord where she is going she is likely wondering, “what next?” She knows where she came from, a very difficult and awkward situation. Perhaps Hagar had been a bit too excited about the baby. Maybe she appeared to be flaunting the fact that she was able to conceive so quickly. Maybe she somehow made Sarah feel that she was favored now by Abraham. After all, she was going to give him a child. Whatever the case, Hagar was treated harshly enough to make her decide to run away from it all.

It’s January, and I’m guessing I’m not alone, especially this time of year, in spending some time looking back. As the New Year approached I began to pray and think about what might lie ahead in 2012. Speculation, anticipation, even some anxiety is perhaps normal…or at least typical when considering the future. Maybe it’s my age, but looking back is also somewhat nostalgic. I’m thankful to be able to look back and treasure most of the memories of my childhood; those early years of marriage; the privilege to have born and reared children; the lessons learned, the friendships forged; the places traveled; and the many special people over the years God has allowed me to get to know and love. I am also often overwhelmed with a grateful heart when I think of where God has brought me from, what life might have been like without Christ, His patience with me.

But it’s not just in these contemplative moments that the questions of where I’ve come from and where I’m going enter my thoughts. Like Hagar, there have been a few times I have been distraught over circumstances that were draining me dry. After a while, I just wanted out, wanted the hurt to just stop, wanted the situation to just be over. Failures are often easier to try to ignore or leave behind, than face; hurts might seem easier to run from rather than work through. Whether it’s a strong-willed toddler or a turbulent teen, conflict at work or in the home, things can often escalate to something we’d rather run from than embrace. But running away, especially if you don’t know where you’re going, is not the answer.

I imagine Hagar was resistant and aghast when the Lord told her to go back and face the very thing she was trying to escape. It was not going to be easy to go back and submit herself once again to Sarah’s harsh treatment. She may have brought much of it on herself, but even if she had not it would be humbling to return and purposely subject herself to the unfavorable situation she would be in. Yet, that is exactly what the Lord told her to do.

I am sure the Lord has not confronted me with these same questions for the last time, and not just on a yearly basis as I reflect on the passing of time. Because repeat performances of painful experiences are not usually desired, when things get difficult, it’s natural to just want out. There is a time for walking away, and this is not about being doormats or martyrs either. This is about a willingness to submit as the Lord directs, trusting Him to give strength and grace to face whatever we might otherwise wish to just escape from. It won’t be easy, I’ve been there. But God is so very faithful. It’s worth wading through the high water to get what God has for you on the other side of the flood. When fleeing is all you can feel, when you don’t think you can go on, let Him find you where you are, lovingly confront you in your distress, and give you what you need to make it through. He may just ask you a couple of loaded questions to help.

“Where are you coming from?”
What is it exactly that I am trying to escape from? Is it fear, uncertainty, failure, heartache, mistreatment, unfair or unnecessary conflict? Am I feeling that it’s just too much for anyone to expect? Is it just too hard, too demanding? Is there anything I can do to make the situation better? Is there something I could do differently? What if God doesn’t want it to end just yet, can I trust Him? Will I trust Him?

“Where are you going?”
How does God expect me to handle things? What can I learn from this situation? In what ways can God use this to grow me, stretch my faith and increase my dependency on Him? What should I do while I’m waiting? What if this isn’t even about me, but God is using my situation to impact someone else? Are my responses and reactions honoring Him? Is it time for a change? Is a breakthrough or an open door about to happen?

Absolutely Abandoned

2011-08-06T20:21:00.002-04:00

I found myself thinking today of why it's harder some days than others to live completely abandoned to Jesus. Am I the only one that struggles with feelings of failure, this disappointment with myself in having disappointed my Savior? Sure, I keep my chin up; it doesn't cripple me, but that is only because I'm constantly walking in His love (I keep going, knowing He loves me without condition), keenly aware of His grace and the fact that without Him I can do nothing (John 15). I'm crying out to God, often moment by moment, for His help, His mercy, the ability to trust Him more, a joyful acceptance of His ways especially when I don't understand; the ability to banish fears, the ability to love the way He loves, the ability to set aside all the surface stuff and just be consumed with all that He is. When the flesh (the part of me that would live consumed with self without God) rears it's ugly head, an all-out battle begins. Utter abandonment to Jesus is all that saves me from utter wretchedness.

Absolute abandonment Lord,
it’s what you want from me all along.
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.

Content to stay and face the daily grind
Is not my heart’s honest condition
But to ask and seek is to find
And when I lay it all on the line
The Father gently smiles on my submission.

Absolute abandonment,
Why did I resist you for so long?
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.

What’s ahead if I let go?
Is it for me to even know?
Abandoned to His love I’m in His arms.

His will is where I find my resting place.
Why wrestle with a God so wise and strong?
I know His love’s surrounding me
It’s where I know I want to be
My soul is done with this struggle hard and long.

Absolute abandonment,
It’s what you’ve wanted from me all along
More of you, it’s my heart cry
More of you, to live or die
Abandoned, all of me, from now on.

Desiring Rest

2011-08-03T15:46:00.000-04:00

Is it really August?? I find myself shaking my head in unbelief these days as time continues to fly by, and realize how tired I am. Rest. .. I had one of the most restful days at home recently in a long time...months. It was one of those quiet, lazy days, nowhere to rush off to. Much needed sleep, some sun-soaking, some reading, a little TV (Monk, my favorite! I can just so relate to him!). Then, it was back to reality.

Maybe it was because I had so immensely enjoyed the respite. My mind seemed to be in gear, though the body was still lagging a bit. Well, maybe the mind wasn't all there either, but regardless, I was back to the fast-paced demands of my daily responsibilities.

It didn't take long back in "the thick of things" and the pressure started to mount. In addition to the mounting pressures and demands, an oppression began to creep over me. I fought through, praying, holding on to Scripture. Before going to bed, I flipped on the TV and Joyce Myers was on. I was reminded of how important the peace of God is and how directly related it is to the power available to me through Christ. Without the power of Christ resting on me, without resting in Him, I am rendered useless, weak, and ineffective.

I know this, so what was the problem? How was it that the restful bliss I enjoyed just yesterday had so quickly escaped me? I was craving it again, rest. “Oh that I had wings like a dove; I would fly away and be at rest”, the psalmist cried (Psalms 55:6). No, flying away was not the answer, but I could identify with the longing of the psalmist in those words. But, fly to Jesus! Now that was possible!
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” Matthew 11:29
Learn of me, Jesus says, and you will find rest…”unto your souls”. When the soul is at rest, all is well. No one had more demands on him than Jesus in the course of a day. He admonished his disciples to “come apart awhile”. Physical and emotional rest is necessary. But he also met these demands through prayer and dependence on His Father. So must I. A wise friend once told me, “Ang, God will never expect more from you than you are able to accomplish with His enablement, but man will.” Has that ever proven true! Learning to say no…I’ll save that for another day.
I fly to Jesus on a moment by moment basis. If I don’t, I’m quickly wearied spiritually. I appropriate His peace through thinking on His Word and trying to apply His principles of living…learning of Him and how he would deal with pressures, deal with people, juggle a sometimes exhausting schedule. I listen to music that encourages and uplifts, helps direct my thoughts. I pray. In other words, in times when physical rest is just not possible, and the “outward man is perishing” (2 Corinthians 4:16), I rest internally. And I resolve that by the grace of God
I will remain calm.
I will draw on joy for strength.
I will be at peace, for He is my peace.
I will rest in Him the Restorer and Refresher of my soul.
He is my Strong Tower, my Refuge.
He is my Rock, solid and unchanging.
He is Rest.

So, are there days I would love for my only worry in the world to be “if the tide will reach my chair”? (thank you Zac Brown Band for those happy thoughts!) Believe me, I enjoy those times as much as the next person and am grateful for every one of them. Sand, sky, ocean breezes…I think of them often. And even though that’s not my life most days, life is good, and comes with all the Rest in the world!

Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
For You have rescued my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
My feet from stumbling. Psalm 116: 7-8

Thank you Charlie the Appliance Guy!

2011-05-17T21:56:00.007-04:00

It was taking a determined effort to keep my focus. It wasn’t just the little inconveniences that can crop up in a day, like the dryer going out; or the phone ringing off the hook; or the unexpected errand that has to be run that you just know is going to make dinner late. No, it was more than that. Whether it was the conversation overheard in the grocery line, the top news stories on the radio, the parent cursing and screaming at the child in the parking lot, the talk that came home with the kids from school, or scrolling through the cable guide for decent programming, everything seemed to scream that the wickedness all around me wasn’t going away. And today, well, I just felt like I was drowning in it.

I was just plain discouraged. Discouraged over choices a young person was making; it saddens me to see such a hard willfulness in anyone, but especially a young person. Discouraged with how easily people can take advantage of others; there’s just so much taking in this world and not enough giving. Discouraged with how quickly what is right can be replaced with, “what is necessary”; situational ethics are alive and well in this world. Discouraged that fear so often controls the decisions people make. Where is sound reasoning and responsible thinking rather than emotional impulsiveness? And believer, what about living by faith? Can God’s word and His ways be trusted or not?

I was having “an Elijah moment”…exhausted, ready to run and hide, feeling very alone in my desire to keep serving, keep loving, keep trying to make a difference for Christ’s sake. There were thoughts too, of those I knew were struggling, hurting, and facing serious situations. I was helpless and overwhelmed. And then, in came Charlie. Such a humble and pleasant man. No dilly-dallying around, but focused and prepared, his tool box in hand. There was a dryer that needed to be fixed and he was sure he could take care of it in a jiffy. Fixing things was his specialty, and fix it he did! As he was leaving, I don’t even remember what I said exactly, but he took a moment, pulled out a bench and sat down. He shared that he and his wife, a nurse, were headed to Haiti on a medical missions trip the next week. We started to share experiences and past trips we both had taken and what an impact they had made, perhaps in the lives of others, but most assuredly in our own lives! In just a few minutes I was refreshed, refocused, and ready to take on whatever was coming my way next.

God is so good. He loves me so much. Just when I was about to find a juniper tree of my own to crawl under (pity party), he sends Charlie the Appliance Guy by.

Plus, no more screeching dryer! How great is that?

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Having “an Elijah Moment” of your own (I Kings 19:4)? Here are a few biblical principles to debunk your funk.
1. Make sure you get the rest and nourishment you need physically; it might seem impossible given the demands but do what you can, and trust God to give you the strength you need to do what has to be done. (I Kings 19: 4-8)
2. Listen when God speaks, and remember that it may not be in the way you expected. He can meet you where you are and use whatever He chooses (or whomever; is there an appliance man at your door?) to help you refocus and be refreshed. (I Kings 19: 9-18)
3. Turn your attention to others. There may be someone you can encourage, teach, mentor, or simply come alongside of to support. You may not be able to “fix everything”, but they’ll know you care and are willing to help them be all God wants them to be. (I Kings 19: 19-21)
4. Keep praying and praising, not because you feel like it. You may not feel like it, but God wants to hear from you and He deserves your praise. It reaffirms your trust, and honors Him. (Psalms 13)

Jesus Welcomes Rejects

2011-03-14T12:21:00.003-04:00

It was the kind of moment when the impact of it just washed quickly over me and I wasn't sure what to do with it. I just knew it was so comforting and healing. It was that moment when a Truth of Scripture just bounces off the page and smacks you square in the face with how beautiful it is. I smiled, then shook my head with the realization that I am so blessed, and not worthy of the love and acceptance Jesus gives. A song came to mind:

"When no one else knows how I feel, Your love for me is proven real. When noone else cares where I've been, You run to me with outstretched hands...and You hold me in Your arms, again." (Building 429)

"They (pharisees) answered and said unto him, Thou wast altogether born in sins and dost thou teach us? And they cast him out. Jesus heard that they had cast him out; and when he had found him he said unto him, Dost thou believe on the Son of God?"
(John 9:34-35)

And here's the beautiful part: They cast him out, Jesus sought him out and found him!!

There will always be those that are 'quick to cast'; the infamous "they" will accuse, abandon, disappoint, betray, reject. You try to do the right thing, honor God, obey His word and instead of being able to be excited and joyful about something great God has done, you have to "answer to the accusers". This blind man had received sight after a lifetime of living in darkness. He had responded to Jesus in obedience, and experienced healing. Then he has to stand before Jesus' accusers. He chooses to defend Jesus' authority to heal him, even if it occured on the sabbath. The problem was that in doing this, he challenged the Pharisees who considered themselves the only authority that mattered.

It just melted my heart to see this man robbed of the joy of this moment and cast out. And he didn't even really know Jesus at this point! He just knew "a man called Jesus"(John 9:11)had authority to direct him ("go to the pool of Siloam and wash" (John 9:7), the ability to heal him, and compassion to do so. But then Jesus found him! He gave him a chance to "see" Him clearly for who He was, the very Son of God, and the man believed and worshipped.

Jesus specializes and welcomes rejects. Those that are written off by others as "insignificant nobodies", Christ died for, and they are Somebody to Him. They just need the chance to see Him for who He is, the One who can forgive them and accept them. And even in the grace already experienced in salvation there are days when doing the right thing just lands you in the outcast pile, crushed and broken. To live in such a way that your obedience to Christ is evident will challenge any idea or philosophy, action or attitude that is not wholly submitted to God's authoritative Truth. Rejection is a consequence and can be brutal.

"If the world hate you, know that it hated me before it hated you" John 15:18

They cast him out, He found him.
He finds me.

I love God's Sense of Humor!

2011-03-02T11:08:00.002-05:00

My first reaction when opening my devotional booklet was to smirk at the irony of it; “Not funny, Lord. “ It was entitled “Emergency Room Fellowship”, and emergency rooms were not what I wanted to read about at the moment. I sighed, certain I needed something more after the night we had. Well, let me explain.

Rog had spent the previous night in the ER of all places, with one of our guys. And only because when the doctor was called we were told it would be mid-March before he could be seen. He was told to go to the ER where the doctor was on call for the evening and he would meet him there. Not until hours later did we learn that hospital policy would not allow his doctor to be notified until after one of the ER doctors had seen him. So at 1:10 a.m. (the doctor had left the hospital hours earlier of course), the ER tech called the doctor. Well, to spare you the additional details, it was nearly 5:30 a.m. before Rog finally got home, nearly 13 hours later. He actually tried to leave after the first several hours with the intent to just take him back the next morning, but was told insurance would not pay for the visit if he left after checking in! (Insurance; to have it or not to have it. What a headache either way! I’ll save that issue for another day.)

While Rog was taking care of that situation, I was dealing with a couple of my own. You know the old saying…it’s an old saying for a reason…”when it rains, it pours!” Mini-crisis #1: an angry young man that took several hours to settle down after having to accept the consequences of his belligerent and willful behavior which included deliberate destruction of property (minimal damage thankfully). On a side note, this is why many parents will not say no to a child; anything to avoid a confrontation. Tantrums are a challenge enough with toddlers, but when they’re teens, situations can be quite volatile. Oops, another issue to save for another day! (Note: by Sunday he was like a new person.) Mini-crisis #2: en route from North Carolina for a visit, our 16 year-old nephew called to say he was involved in a hit-and-run with a semi! Over the next several hours, numerous phone calls, texts, conversations with state troopers, the tow truck driver…we were satisfied that he was safe and his mom was on the way to pick him up. So, I was finally able to lie down around 4:30 a.m. after relaying phone messages through the night, between all parties involved in each situation.

In a flash, as I sat there with my Bible open, still frustrated, relieved, emotionally drained, these events crossed my mind. Had it really been just one evening? This devotion was exactly what I needed. And I finally chuckled just thinking, God has such a sense of humor! His timing is perfect. The thought was taken from Galatians about bearing one another’s burdens. This was exactly what had taken place with us and suddenly, instead of frustration and exhaustion, I was flooded with gratefulness. During the midst of the chaos, one of the phone calls I made was to co-workers and friends. No, not just co-workers and friends, but a brother and sister in Christ. In a minute, he was ready to relieve Rog at the hospital so that he could go and meet our nephew. In the end, he didn’t have to do that. So when he left me, comfortable that everyone was calm and I had the guys in bed after our devotion and snack time, he instead drove into town and picked up something for Rog and his ER patient to eat (neither had eaten in hours) without saying a word to me about it. What an encouragement he was, giving Emergency Room fellowship a whole new meaning. In the meantime, she called, knowing what kind of night it had been and prayed with me over the phone, asking God to give grace and strength and whatever else we would need to get through the rest of the weekend.

People can choose to be kind, no doubt. But when God is involved the spiritual impact is difficult to explain. Both the burdened and the burden-bearer are blessed, encouraged, uplifted, strengthened, and Christ is glorified. The “law of Christ” is fulfilled (Galatians 6:2), the law of love. It’s Christian love in action, and just one reason it’s so special to be a part of His family. It can be expressed in a smile or hug, a phone call, a prayer, or even a trip to the emergency room in the middle of the night with food!

Lord, make me a blessing to someone today. Not so that I can feel good about myself for having done a good deed, but so your name can be honored, and others can be touched. Bless both the burdened and the burden-bearer and show your love to the world in the process.

“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:35

2010-12-28T21:52:00.002-05:00

Do you see it?

This Christmastide will soon be past. I know I will need to move into all the New Year will bring, but for now I’m still simply enjoying the season for what it is. Though it’s not the official festival the English celebrate, I love this week between Christmas and New Year’s. It’s the wind- down time I need. After all, I’ve been in a holiday state-of-mind since Thanksgiving! Actually it starts early October with my love for pumpkins and fall color. It’s a beautiful build-up to Thanksgiving that naturally leads into a month-long celebration of Emmanuel, God with us. Christmas. What more beautiful way to end the year?

Then again, all the seasons have a certain inspiring appeal for me and I enjoy living where they can all be experienced; the freshness and green of spring, the sultry nights of summer and its soft pastels, the invigorating chill and color of fall, and winter with its snowy days to cozy up to the fire with a good book and hazelnut coffee. I don’t know that I noticed as much when I was younger. But there were places even then that brought a “wow” feeling that I knew I didn’t want to lose or forget and hoped I’d experience again. The ocean was always like this for me. The sensations, the sounds…I could sit on the beach at dusk or early morning and know that regardless of how crazy life around me was, God was near. It still does this for me. I sensed it also on a mountain path overlook, or on the bank of a country stream hearing the water trickle over the rocks. And the differing seasons just enhanced the experiences.

As my relationship with my Creator has grown over the years, so has my appreciation for His handiwork. It awes me, everything from snow on red berry bushes to a spectacular sunset over the sound. I must admit there are still annoyances and inconveniences…like being snowed in with no power for days in the winter, mosquitoes, or high humidity in the summer that makes it difficult to breathe. But as my appreciation has grown, so has my ability to check myself if the annoyances or inconveniences try to gain the upper hand. There’s just too much beauty all around to waste it with apathy. Shortly after moving to West Virginia I would find myself admiring the mountains as they came into view as I drove down the one stretch of road between town and home. I wondered if people that lived here all their lives tired of them, or got to the point where they weren’t noticed anymore. Well, we’ve lived here sixteen years now and I haven’t tired of them. And we continue to seek out places we haven’t explored along with enjoying those familiar places we’ve come to love.

Sound like a commercial for Travel West Virginia? No, just random rambling. Blame it on the reflective and contemplative impact of the season. I embrace that, I don’t avoid it. There’s such a connection between what I choose to see in my surroundings and what I feel and think. I’ve tried to pass that on to my children, and now my grandchildren, to see the beauty and the blessings in everything. God has expressed Himself so magnificently in His Creation in both goodness and beauty.

I don’t want to miss out by not noticing.

Thinking about Red Velvet Cake

2010-12-23T23:19:00.000-05:00

This time of year really brings out the “Betty Crocker” in some people. I envy them, every once in a while. Most of the time I just enjoy the fact that God has gifted some at least, with a baker’s thumb.
If you’re like me, there’s a special dessert or two that comes quickly to mind when you think of Christmas. It’s that mouth-watering something that just adds to the celebratory feeling in the air. It’s that one thing you look forward to, and you’re just sure that Christmas wouldn’t be the same without it. For me that special dessert was Grandma’s Red Velvet Cake. A great deal of time and expense went into this cake. And it was so worth it. It was the perfect Christmas cake with its festive deep red color frosted in that rich cream cheese and walnut icing. We called it Jesus’ birthday cake.

When I married and moved hundreds of miles away from home, being with extended family for Christmas was not always possible. Red Velvet Cake was one of the traditions I wanted to carry on with my own family. It wouldn’t be Grandma’s, but I wanted to try, so I had her send me her recipe. Looking over the ingredients, it was like no boxed mix I’d ever used. Who puts vinegar in a cake? Grandma added a note that puzzled me, but otherwise it didn’t appear to be too complicated. The note said something about how to mix the baking soda and the vinegar. What difference would it make?

Flour, sugar, cocoa, vanilla, baking soda, vinegar, food coloring, eggs, oil, milk…I started tossing everything in the large mixing bowl, thinking to myself that it really shouldn’t matter what order I added them. After all, it would all be mixed together in the end. Then the phone rang. I was just seconds into the phone call when one of my boys started tugging at my leg, another began yelling, “Mom, the cake, it’s exploding!”

I glanced around and sure enough, my cake was bubbling up and out of the bowl and was pouring all over the counter! What a mess! I quickly ended my call and then phoned my grandmother. When I explained to her what was happening, she laughed then replied, “You didn’t follow the directions did you?” That was an understatement. I hadn’t made a cake, I had made a volcano! That was many Christmases ago, but some things you don’t forget. An exploding cake is one of them! And thanks to Grandma, I learned an important lesson about recipes. Directions do matter. If a certain end result is expected, then I can’t just randomly throw a few ingredients together and hope for the best.

There are many that take the same haphazard approach to life that I used with that recipe. Life can become one jumbled chaotic mess when every day is just a struggle to survive the stress. Whether it’s parenting, or plans for the holidays, the mayhem that often results from “just winging it” is exhausting. Some even approach worship this way, as if God is expected to accept whatever is thrown His way; a little prayer here, a little Bible reading there, church when we can squeeze it in, and we’ve done God a favor! We play by our own rules, disregarding the Word (the directions if you will) when the situation seems to demand it, then wonder why life blows up in our face…like exploding cake batter! Life can be busy and demanding, kind of crazy sometimes. But busyness is not bedlam when God is ordering our days (Psalms 37:23).

I learned how to make Red Velvet Cake the right way, by following Grandma’s recipe as it was written.
Funny, but every time I follow the instructions…I get the same result…success! God is faithful, and His Word can be trusted. When His instructions are followed, the results are the same…we’re blessed and He is honored. Keep thinking that just any old way will do. Keep making choices and decisions with no serious thought about the directions those choices are taking you. Keep parenting just hoping they turn out ok in the end. You may end up with a bigger mess than you bargained for.

Blown up any cakes lately?? Merry Christmas!

It was just another day.

2010-12-12T22:04:00.000-05:00

How is it that one day can be so full? Ups and downs, ins and outs, highs and lows, joys on one hand, stresses on the other! Because that’s what makes life what it is I suppose; moments that become hours, hours that are full, with joy one minute and stresses the next; they delight one minute, and demand and drain the next, only to end up one long day.

I love days like today when I talk to all our sons. Even though we talk to each of them often, it has been a while since I talked to all of them in the same day. I had thoughts of our grandson Gabriel Ethan today. It was his 4th birthday. He had a joke to tell Poppy when we talked to him. I had thoughts of our newest grandchildren…praying for Emma, wanting to see Josie, wondering how Dan, Steph and the kids were doing now that they were home from the hospital with Lily. And then finding that Becca is having contractions and really feeling like it may not be too much longer before Ellie makes her appearance! Then Elisha calls, and though he’s talking a mile a minute I manage to catch a few words about opening his present, and winning his game, and I know they received their Christmas package. I hear my message ringtone and pick up my phone to see a picture of Ephraim with his Christmas present. Across the miles, over the phone, snatches of pure delight filled some of this day’s moments.

The activities of the day filled the rest, from routine chores to Christmas play practice. And now that the house is quiet, the activities are over, and it’s time to be able to rest, well, I’m awake with a busy mind and tired body! That’s how it goes some evenings. Letting the end catch up with the beginning I guess.

Jesus said He is the Beginning and the End, the Alpha and Omega, the first and the last (Rev. 1:8,11), and I am so glad. Because there are often moments in the day when I don’t know the end from the beginning, or which end is up! But to know Him is enough. Whether the moment is bringing delight or I’m thinking the demons of hell must have been loosed, Jesus is enough. I just have to grab a moment, and in my mind step into a quiet place, breathe deeply, and remember…He is enough. It’s in that moment my mind and strength is renewed and I move forward not necessarily knowing how the day will end but confident that He has already gone before me. And moment by moment, hour by hour, days like this one are becoming a wonderful lifetime.

“ And Isaac gave up the ghost, and died, and was gathered unto his people, [being] old and full of days: and his sons Esau and Jacob buried him” Genesis 35:29.

I want my days to be full, and my life full of days.

Reindeer Surprise

2010-12-04T20:33:00.001-05:00

Our grandson, Elijah, has been quite fascinated with reindeer this Christmas season. Rudolph was the first Christmas special we watched. His stuffed Rudolph goes everywhere…everywhere! He can spot them a mile away, in a yard, a store window. Every animal from farm cows to jungle cats has imaginatively doubled as reindeer complete with names.

So when Rog made a trip up into the attic to check on the furnace and called down to me, “Hey, there are reindeer up here!” well, Elijah was at the bottom of the ladder in a split second, wide-eyed and waiting. I yelled up, “Sure there are!”

“No, I’m serious, there are reindeer up here! And a sleigh, and…what do you know, a Santa??? I quickly climbed the ladder only to meet the first reindeer face to face as he started to hand it down. Over 12 years we have lived in this house with no knowledge of reindeer in the attic. They obviously had belonged to the previous owners, but had evidently been abandoned or forgotten to the dark, cold attic corner.

Well, they are now in the yard…minus the Santa; he landed a spot on the back deck as a door mat. But the reindeer? They found a spot out front near the spiral lit Christmas trees that very night.

Life is just full of surprises, isn’t it? From our earthly perspective at least . I know God has a sense of humor. He used reindeer in my attic to remind me not to let the grinches and grumpies of this world rob me of His joy and simple pleasures that may be closer than I think.

I have a sneaking suspicion that outside of the grace of God and His joy made available to me I could easily become one of those grinches or grumpies. And I know exactly what “gets my goat”. Selfishness, rudeness, injustices, inconsistencies, arrogance…and I guess I should add being judgmental right? Hey, I look in the mirror often. That’s one reason I’m so easily frustrated. I know what the Word of God is capable of…it has transformed me. And even though many would likely say I’ve a ways to go, I’m not what I used to be, and don’t want to be. I can’t imagine life any other way. But I let God deal with that and continue to draw me closer to Himself. The greater the focus on the person of Christ, the less the fretting over things, situations, people…I cannot change or control. Especially the little things that might appear huge at the moment but really…they’re little in the light of eternity. But it’s not like God is unaware of even the huge things. How fruitless to fret! And I am the one that loses if my joy is sapped.

I’m not the only one who’s learned the power of this truth. Opening a Christmas card today from a dear friend was another welcomed reminder of how very much she taught me about joy years ago. And she’s never let it go. On the front of her card, “Joy” in large red script. Her message, her strength in very dark times, was and continues to be “joy”, joy in Jesus. Joy in Him, not in what He chooses to do or not do for us when we think we can’t go on, but a depth of joy that waits and trusts and prays, for years! It strengthens you to conquer the ups and downs, to accept what comes from His hand, and sees God do awesome things. And there are others…they have chosen joy in Jesus as a reality in their lives in spite of their circumstances, their hurts. They’re an inspiration and have taught me so much.

Sure, choosing joy is going to be challenged every now and then. And there are plenty of heartaches and hurts and headaches to go around. Read the newspaper, go to the mall, go to work! But don’t give up. Keep joy alive. Maybe this Christmas joy can reign, even with the same old ornaments, the same old Christmas music, the same old Christmas routine….Christmas programs, Christmas shopping, the cooking and baking and wrapping and rushing. And yes, the same people, maybe even family. Ask God to open your eyes to see differently. Ask Him to forgive the sins of irritation, frustration, impatience, doubt, anger, arrogance, whatever it might be. Tell him you want the joy. You might have to tell Him often. But you may just find it in a way you’re not expecting.

There may be reindeer in your attic.

Perfect Hatred

2010-11-19T08:36:00.002-05:00

The Scripture speaks of “hating with a perfect hatred”. Theologians undoubtedly have explained it. I’m not sure I fully understand it but sometimes I’m sure I feel it.

Consider Psalms 139:21-22; “Do not I hate them O Lord that hate Thee? And am not I grieved with those that rise up against Thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.”

Yes, I can feel it sometimes, but I quickly give it back to God because, in my raw emotion, to hold on to it would only fuel feelings better left with Him. My human hatred would be far from “perfect” and would likely be misdirected, unleashed on individuals rather than a world of failed, deceptive systems. It seems there’s always a ‘system’ at work that is supposed to have all the answers…a government system, an education system, a social services system, even a religious system. Even with all the good people out there and great programs available, they unfortunately fall miserably short of ever being able to meet humanity’s greatest need, a love-relationship with their Creator.

More importantly, the Enemy is not my cranky neighbor, or the teen with the purple hair and smart mouth, or the woman behind the desk whose hands are tied. It’s not even the cashier that sabotages my order at McDonald’s. How do you confuse mocha with caramel anyway?? But this isn’t about me being personally offended or needing a platform to strike back.

I look in the eyes of a teen that harbors a hardness of heart; I walk by a parked car in a parking lot and hear the foul language and the harshness and the meanness pouring from an adult’s mouth toward another, especially a child. I see the places people live, not because they have to but because they choose to, in the filth, the perversion, the drinking and drugging, the reckless sex, the noncommittal relationships, the materialism and pleasure-seeking. It’s the nothing-really-matters place, the until-something-better-comes-along place, the mind-your-own-business place, the going-nowhere-fast place. The grieving, the heaviness, like someone died… it’s there again; I’m incensed with the product of sin and selfishness, wickedness and a no-God-consciousness glaring me in the face.

I often even feel it rising to the surface when I see the carelessness and complacency of believers, those that won’t rely on the Word and the Spirit of God to draw them to Christlikeness. Rather, they’re allowing themselves to be strongly influenced by the world’s systems, their way of thinking. They’re slowly swallowing the philosophy of self-centeredness, the “it’s all about me” mentality. They can’t handle the thought of not being accepted, of appearing to be weird or outdated in their thinking, of not going along, fitting in or adapting to current trends. There’s a fear of questions being raised about their actions and attitudes, or about having a firm belief in anything and especially God. Everything has to be situational, or else there’s no way out when cornered to commit. Christ is Truth, yet truth is so lightly regarded. Self-importance is priority and will not allow for anything that might threaten it.

Yet, when they are weak and stumbling, being strangled by stress, or suffocating in the grip of some habit or desire, they wonder where God is. Worse yet, they see their children not having any desire to know God or live for Him and wonder why…the heaviness, there it is again. The hurt is even harder to handle, knowing there is a simple solution. Simple, yes, but costly. As in Jesus’ day there are some not willing to pay the price to follow Him (Mark 8:34; John 6:66-67).

Is there anything positive this “hatred” can accomplish? Yes, and there is a glorious dimension to it. It is to pray and trust and give and serve and live for Christ instead of dwelling on the darkness. It is to wait and expect and be excited to see the power of unconditional love take hold and begin to melt a hard heart; it is to watch as the saving grace of Christ is appropriated and a life is changed; it is the thrill when God intervenes on behalf of His children and miracles happen! It’s the peace that comes with a quiet acceptance of the sovereignty of God, an understanding of His love and care that is difficult to explain but divinely intoxicating to experience. It’s to praise Him and be genuinely thankful when others come to know Him as you do.

A perfect God with perfect hatred will mete out perfect justice in His perfect time. I give my hatred to Him. I am grateful for His perfect love. Others can know His perfect love. It’s so perfect and real that it overwhelms me. Righteous hatred births humility, unconditional love, and a burning passion for others to know and live for the Savior.

“You who love the LORD, hate evil!” Psalm 97: 10 NKJV

2010-11-01T15:08:00.003-04:00

After an intensely oppressive Saturday, Sunday was a breath of fresh air!! It was as if God had opened a window...I could breathe freely, see clearly, pray openly without the terrible struggle. Christ was so very near in morning worship. In fact, the reminders of His nearness were every where; in the prayers of people, in the fellowship, in the message, in the songs...especially in the songs: "Near to the Heart of God"; "Draw me Nearer"; "Nearer my God to Thee".

A friend had spent time in prayer with me; my sons had called to check on me and were quick to encourage with Scripture and prayer. My husband had offered support and encouragement, and went beyond just "sharing the load". Finally, I was able to go to bed around 11:30 p.m. exhausted, but with joy and a quiet confidence that God was at work. Even during the night, I woke several times only to have a number of people come to mind that I knew were going through terribly challenging times. The Lord impressed me to consider that my spiritual struggle may not have been just about me, and I prayed.

Such a marked difference the two days were! There was a spirit of calm in the cottage, not the incessant bickering and edginess. My heaviness of the previous day was gone, and my emotions had survived the gamut they had experienced. Even into Monday, there was indication that God was still working in so many ways. The Chris Tomlin song, "Indescribable" comes to mind..."awestuck we fall to our knees and we humbly proclaim, you are amazing God".

"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the powere of His might. Put on the whole armour of God that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the the evil day, and having done all, to stand."

I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.
Standing.

2010-10-30T22:14:00.002-04:00

What a day it has been. Just one 24-hour day?? First not wanting to talk to a soul, then wanting to share everything with anyone that would listen. The highs and lows have been just that; first joy then a heavy heart. It has been a while since I've fought a spiritual battle this intense. And that is what it has been, a spiritual battle. Each time I would sense the onslaught, I would go to the Scripture, spend time earnestly praying...and each time within hours, God impressed someone to contact me with the exact same message He had for me in His Word and in prayer. It reassured me of His presence; it encouraged me to be strong; it made me laugh out loud!

I posted on fb this morning:
I looked out over the pond, and then across those beautiful hills. There was a frost on the ground and the color was fading...but the sky was as blue as could be!And so clearly the thought came..."this joy that I have, the world didn't give it and the world can't take it away".
The Lord knew the many concerns of my heart in recent days.

Another post later:
so, no sooner had I meditated on the joy that the world can't take away...Satan must have determined, "but I can sure make you try to give it up!"

I then went on to comment on the old saying..."and that's when all Hades broke loose!" I experienced a direct hit on my joy bucket!!

One of my sons had been talking to me earlier this week about that very thing...how so many believers are robbed of their joy, and they are rendered useless. If there is one thing I don't want to be, it's useless; all the "D" words...defeated, discouraged, distraught, damaged, disillusioned...I'm sure there are more, but "good grief" (thanks, Peanuts! love 'em) that's enough!

Life is full; life is good; life is meaningful...and too short to sit and sour over any and everything! I know...crazy. at least by the standard of those that don't operate within this realm. It's hard to explain. Maybe I shouldn't be sharing it at all. It's just been a day I will remember for a while. So intense, so....good. Only because I know I've been stretched. And, even when there will likely be hell's fury to face on yet another day, I woke up with joy, and praise God I'm going to bed with joy.

"...the joy of the Lord is your strength" (Neh 8:10)

the Chalk Drawing

2010-08-26T13:10:00.002-04:00

As the chalk artist put the final touches on his drawing, I sat there in the pew struggling to even see it through the tears. It was beautiful, but it made me so angry. It showed Moses there on the top of Mount Pisgah looking out over ‘the Promised Land’. God was giving Moses an opportunity to see it, but he would not go in. In his face was the look of deep longing, but at the same time, acceptance and a depth of understanding and contentment. Had the artist really captured that, or was that just what I was seeing?

That was over 30 years ago, but I remember so vividly the strong emotion, the questions that filled me as I went over the story in my mind. What a struggle raged in me; and it would have to be settled before leaving the church that evening. Somehow I knew this was not just about Moses. This was about where I was going in my relationship with God from that point forward. Would I be able to trust Him to do right? At the time, what He chose for Moses just didn’t seem quite fair to me. Yes, Moses had made some mistakes; he had sinned. But he had been forgiven, right? God used him in tremendous ways as a great leader. He had done so much, put up with so much. I didn’t understand it all then, but I did know that faith involved trusting even when I didn’t understand. But that would mean I wouldn’t be in control anymore. God would have to be.

Things have always been so black and white for me; cut and dried, yes or no, all or nothing, no middle of the road. So if I took this step I knew there was no turning back regardless of where it took me. And deep down that’s what I wanted, something genuine, something bigger than me, something with meaning and purpose, but at what cost? Jesus was trying to show me that my relationship with Him could be more than just knowing I was going to heaven when I died. It could be more than just knowing the Bible stories, more than just being “a pretty good person”. But I would have to learn what it meant to really trust Him and trust His ways. I went forward that night to affirm my decision and left that evening knowing my life had taken a significant turn. I was able to surrender my anger, my disbelief at how God had chosen to deal with Moses. I was able to tell Him I wanted to trust, but I would need His help.

A lot of years have passed. I’m grateful for the lessons learned, the love and hunger the Lord gave me for His Word, the wise and mentoring women He has allowed me to know and be impacted by. And every time I have trusted Him, with everything from life-changing decisions to my daily routine and everything in between…He has proven I can trust Him more. I can trust Him for guidance. I can trust Him with relationships. I can trust Him when life’s events just don’t make any sense to me. I can trust Him with all the inconsistencies and unfairness. I can trust Him with the choices and philosophies and behaviors of others that I cannot control or change. And I must confess this is my greatest challenge. I’m the one that sees things cut and dried, black and white, remember? So things are either right or they are wrong. Sometimes the frustration and irritation, the disappointment and disillusionment, is a major battle, because it often appears that gray is the choice of color for so many. I must continually rely on the Lord for His patience, understanding, and resolve when mine is slipping away. Am I the only one that just wants to “shake some sense” into people every once in a while??? But that’s not my job. My job is not to set right all the wrongs. My job is not to champion all the causes. My job is not to make others simply do the right thing (simply??). That’s God’s job, and I must let Him do His job. My responsibility, my great blessing, is to trust, yielding to Him with a willing acceptance.

“Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?” (Genesis 18:25) Yes, but at times it seems as though it won’t be in my lifetime! And that may be so, but that is His business. In my passion , when I resort to the ways of the ‘Sons of Thunder’ and just want to ‘call fire down from heaven’, I am quickly humbled with God’s patient care of me and find myself asking Jesus for His holy sweetness (I am quite aware I will not melt in a downpour!).

The chalk artist left a drawing with the host pastor that night, who later became my father-in-law. When packing for a move to another ministry, Dad decided to give the drawing to me. Unrolling the canvas, I should not have been surprised to find it was ‘my Moses’ picture! God has such a sense of humor. Seeing it this time however, stirred no anger, only a warm acceptance and gratitude. The drawing is long gone, lost in the many moves and turns my life has taken. The message etched on my heart that night remains. I don’t always understand His ways, but I don’t doubt His love. It is strong and forever. I am confident He will always do what is right and what is best. He has proven it over and over again.

I can trust Him.

The Stethoscope

2010-06-08T21:11:00.006-04:00

Anyone else might have thought the question was quite random, but I knew it was the Lord at work in the details once again.

My son Seth and his wife Rebecca were being trained on the ins and outs of the nasal port (feeding tube) their son Ephraim was now requiring. A “kidney baby”, he was now losing weight and quite rapidly, so this was necessary if he was to remain on track for the kidney transplant. In the training it was brought to their attention that a stethoscope would be needed to make sure placement was accurate and to lessen injury with insertion and removal of the tube. It would be expensive to purchase, and at the time, insurance was not covering all the extras. The disposable one used by the home health nurse was only for training purposes; they would have to have their own.

When Seth replied, “I have one,” the questioning look on the face of the home health nurse was obvious and somewhat humorous. After all, not just everyone had a stethoscope lying around for no reason, especially a counseling major working at a bank.

But that’s where the Sovereign God of details comes in. At one time Seth had considered medicine as a career choice and was accepted into Marshall University’s pre-med program. The Christmas of his senior year in high school his grandmother gave him a stethoscope. This stethoscope had a history behind it, having belonged to a co-worker of hers. Living and working in a rural county in Virginia, she was surprised to learn that her co-worker had also attended Marshall University in West Virginia. But developments after a stint oversees practicing medicine stirred him in another direction after returning to the states. He had given her the stethoscope and told her to pass it on to her grandson in the hopes that it would still be found useful and perhaps be an encouragement to him during any challenging days he might encounter. Little did he know!

After Seth’s first year he also began sensing a change in the direction he should take and determined that medicine was not it. When sharing this with me and his dad I immediately thought of the stethoscope. Once again it seemed its fate would be to land in a drawer somewhere unused. But we wanted nothing more than to support him in his decision, knowing he had made it a matter of prayer. His grandmother would also be a bit disappointed at first but would also encourage him to follow what he knew in his heart was the right choice.

So, enter the present situation…Seth’s son was in need of a stethoscope. And he knew he had one. I know, coincidence, right? Perhaps. But when I answered the phone and he said, “Mom, I know this is kind of random, but do you still have my stethoscope?” I was able to tell him it was still hanging in his room just where it was when he left. He then went on to explain why it was needed. As he talked I couldn’t help but think that years earlier God knew Seth would be in need of a stethoscope and had provided it. It had not been used by him to this point, but it would be now, and in caring for his own son!

With all the challenges they had already faced with Ephraim, and all the miracles God had performed on this child, all the prayers answered, yet He had chosen not to provide a complete healing. Rather, along the way as each need surfaced, including while still in his mother’s womb, God had intervened. With the Lord’s hand on him, Ephraim had survived the pregnancy against all odds, survived a dry birth without any of the infections or complications normally associated with it, avoided dialysis, and for over a year his little abnormal, barely functioning kidney had sustained him. When the weight loss started and it was determined that his kidneys were now failing, once again God intervened. Problems developed with the feeding tube early on when the regulator kept malfunctioning. A chest port surgery had been scheduled but was 3 weeks away. When they were told nothing more could be done until the upcoming surgery they decided to join the rest of the family on vacation at the beach. It was hard to watch Ephraim become more frail each day, but at least we would all be able to face it together.

So, there at our special beach retreat on the Outer Banks, where so many wonderful times had already been spent together (including Seth and Rebecca’s wedding), the brothers and their families, along with Rog and myself and Seth’s paternal grandmother, gathered together and prayed over Ephraim shortly after they arrived. What a precious time. And then I remembered… the stethoscope! I had brought it with me and wanted to make sure I gave it to them. While everyone continued sharing and encouraging and just enjoying the moment, Rebecca’s phone rang. It was her home health nurse…also on vacation! The on-call nurse had called her and explained what was happening, asking for any suggestions. She had one last idea for them to try to get this regulator functioning properly. If that didn’t work, she didn’t know what else to tell them.

Well, not only did it work and Ephraim started getting a full feeding each night, but he started eating again through the day…everything in sight!! By the end of the week he had gained a pound and a half!

I knew there would likely be more challenges for them to face in the coming months if a transplant was in God’s plan. I also knew I had to let “my boys” and their beautiful wives and children…(my grandchildren!)...go back to their own homes, their own ministries, some hundreds, some thousands of miles away until the next time, whenever that might be. But it was ok. We had shared a precious time together, and God was in it all, every detail.

And Seth had his stethoscope.

“Let the peace of God rule….Let the word of Christ dwell…”

2010-05-07T09:56:00.003-04:00

From Colossians 3

What a battle the will is known to wage at times. I know what the Scripture says. I know what God desires for me. I want this peace in my heart that is spoken of. I just want God to DO something…change my situation…change other people…that I might have this inner peace, when all along the determining factor for having that peace or not having it, lies with me.

How many imperatives are given in Colossians 3 alone: set; mortify; put off; put on; forgive, let…??? Having the peace of God rule in my heart begins with choosing to take a personal look at my role in this reality.

If I’m honest with myself, I can find it easy to justify holding on to my unrest based on what I feel is the responsibility of others to STOP IRRITATING ME. Why can’t people just do what they’re supposed to do? Why can’t people just be responsible and kind and considerate and respectful and patient and honest, and unselfish…and, wait! I can’t control these behaviors in others, but the behaviors of others do not have to control me. I have a privilege, a high calling…to honor my Savior by choosing to do as He asks. That in itself should be reason enough to “let”, but amazingly in my obedience, He eliminates the inner turmoil, the frustration, the anger, the irritation that I experience by holding on, by reacting, by expecting something of others that is not mine to control.

Easier said than done? Probably. But that’s not the issue. So, how? How do I practically apply this “letting” principle? It’s a conscious, determined effort. Once the will chooses to redirect the mind’s thinking, the emotions and feelings are easier brought into check. Make it a step by step process…stop, step back, step forward.

Stop: take a moment to stop what you’re doing, what you’re thinking, and deliberately change your thoughts and actions. Verbalize it if necessary. Make a declaration…I will be patient with others, I will change what I can, and let go what I cannot. I will…
Step back: take a deep breath, think on Scripture, pray, releasing your FEELINGS to the Lord. Receive all He promises about the situation…wisdom, strength, patience, whatever it is.
Step forward: go on with your day, doing what needs to be done. Praise the Lord for His abiding presence and work in your life, for what He has done TO you.

It’s just like God to take all I bring to Him in unrest, and turn it into beautiful peace.

2010-04-13T11:01:00.004-04:00

Reading from Job 23..."Oh that I knew where I might find Him" (v.3).

A Job moment...times I felt God was so far away...at times, moments stretched into long, dry seasons. I've often thought of Elijah at the brook Cherith in these times. God sent him there, then the brook dried up!

But during even these times my faith was strengthened when I just refused to stop believing, refused to give in to how I was feeling. And yet I knew even that resolve came from Him because everything in me just wanted to give up.

Struggling to get up in the mornings, struggling to pray...but when I stopped struggling and just quieted my heart before Him, that strong sense of knowing, just knowing He in fact was very near...it would settle me. I did not feel His presence. I did not feel much at all for the numbness that could envelop me. But I would know. I would know, and then remember His promises, promises of His love, His faithfulness...a sense of deep, abiding love...love that stays, that won't let you go, that disallowed any thoughts and feelings of abandonment. Regardless of how I felt, I had Him...more importantly, He had me.

How amazing is that sense of knowing and being known, especially when you cannot feel.

"...and the sheep follow HIm for they know His voice."
"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me."
John 10:4, 27

Parenting on Purpose

2010-03-04T11:29:00.009-05:00

The message was from Joshua 24: 14-16. I don't remember at the moment exactly what the primary message was...only what immediately jumped off the page of my Bible to me. This will happen so often, and hopefully it does to you also...you know, when regardless of what the emphasis may have been, the Lord uses His word to impact you through it.

I've been mulling over this idea of parenting on purpose for some time now. I guess because I see so many haphazard approaches to parenting. And in too many cases the child birthed into this world is viewed as more of a burden than a blessing; someone to be tolerated as the offspring of some random physical relationship rather than children to be cherished and nurtured, and to forever bless your life from the moment they arrive.

No, parenting shouldn't just happen. It should be purposeful. There should be a plan, some goals to see accomplished. It's a work in progress, hard work; a mission moving forward on a regular basis. But it's so easy to get busy just getting through each day and not realize that YEARS are slipping by! There is a bountiful harvest to be enjoyed when the seed planted grows and develops into what it is meant to be.

I am so thankful that God impressed Rog and I early on in our marriage to commit to raising a family, not just having children...and there is a significant difference. We wanted to raise them by His standards and principles, with His enabling, and for His glory. That purposeful, determined commitment made all the difference, in the joy we would experience in this journey, in the hope and healing available with failure and heartbreak, in the wonderful reward of seeing adult children now with their own families committed to raising their own children "in the fear and admonition of the Lord". They have made their own commitments to purposeful and determined parenting. As they realized God's plan for them in marriage, it became a heartfelt desire to not just have children, but to have them and see them raised to honor the Lord and serve Him as He saw fit to give them this tremendous stewardship.

So what does all this have to do with Joshua 24? In 24:15 Joshua makes the familiar declaration, "...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." As the leader in his home he charts the course, he establishes the direction, he unveils the path his family will follow. While so many parents wait and hope and even pray their children will choose to follow after the Lord and His will for their lives, their approach is not a planned pro-active one. Joshua took a pro-active approach, set a goal to be reached and set forth how to reach it. He is not making a choice for them in this statement, but if there was a choice to be made by his family it would be to choose NOT to serve the Lord.

Sometimes children will grab hold of the truth presented to them and blossom in response to it without what appears to be a whole lot of effort on anyone's part. Praise God! He is indeed at work in the hearts of individuals regardless! But why take that chance and just hope your children are going to make positive, godly choices simply because they are your children and it is what you assume will happen? Why not take determined action, set out to accomplish certain God-honoring goals, tackle the project with a plan!

Yet it is true, the choice will inevitably be the individual's. And when the parent has purposed to do all within their power to see the child first come to know Christ then choose to live for Him, and the child still rejects, that parent can;
1) know they have followed God in obedience to His plan and program of parenting...they have honored Him and that is the most important thing;
2) trust those children to God's great love and care without the regret of passive parenting, knowing they could have done more to bring them to the God-choice;
3) continue to hope and pray and love, always expecting a prodigal return.

"Your home is the single most powerful arena on earth to change a life for God" (Wilkerson, The Prayer of Jabez). Don't just passively let that opportunity slip by.

A Christmas Message

2009-12-24T08:49:00.005-05:00

This season brings with it a chance to approach the beautiful Christmas Story with the anticipation of a fresh look at its timeless message. Every year I am amazed at the way God deals with my heart and opens it to rest in the truths that I need for that particular Christmas. There have been messages of the peace available if I could but rest in Him; the admonition to not fear when fear would choke me; the humorous reflection on the Light of Christmas the year every light, from those outside to the ones on our tree, burnt out!

This year the message was about gifts. Not the ones we might look for under the tree or shop for. On the way back from Atlanta over Thanksgiving, visiting Seth, Rebecca and Ephraim, we heard a song called "Thank God for kids". Considering all God had done in bringing Ephraim into this world with all the impossible challenges he faced(impossible with man, not with God) well, I think you can imagine how the song must have impacted me after just holding that little booger. You see, we take to heart the truth of Scripture that children are a gift of God (Psalm 127: 3). As parents we are gifted when God sees fit to bring a child into our lives. But all children are a gift to this world, not just ours to us. And to think that God chose to bring the Savior into this world as a child! Some would say, like the song, "What a crazy way to save the world". But when you think about it, the first gift of Christmas was a child. The great Giver gave His only beloved Son.

Gifts are meaningless until received, appreciated, cared for, valued, and cherished. It breaks my heart that so many "gifts" (children) are rejected, tolerated, neglected, abused, undervalued for the treasure they are, even destroyed before ever given a chance at life. The other great burden is to deal with a child whose heart and mind is already so full of the world's filth. They are hard, and quite frankly often hard to love. But these too, are God's gift and I was reminded this year at Ronnie's death that God deals with hard cases. His love for them is powerful, and He loves them through us. Look into the eyes of a child, listen to them laugh, hold them close when they run to you for a hug, and "thank God for kids". Remembering to "thank God for kids" when they're angry and hurtful, or being stubborn and willful, irresponsible and mischievous, even hard and hateful, is not just a challenge, it's a must, as much for us as for them.

If you are like me you just get tired, physically, spiritually, mentally. Like Mary you can almost hear the cry, "I just don't have it in me to do this Lord." The week before Christmas when the heavy snow came and we were without power for 3 days, well let's just say that being inside for 3 days with no power, no hot water, with 10 restless teens the week before Christmas...Peace on Earth took on a whole new meaning! I found myself stressed and tearful and edgy. Then I'd be laughing at the ways they amused themselves and how helpful they could be. I concluded I was losing it. Then, we'd get a phone call and I'd hear "Hi Grammy!" on the other end of the phone. Remembering how "gifted" I was made the difference.

Because of the weather primarily, and sickness, our Christmas program was canceled along with the Christmas fellowship. Shopping for Christmas baskets also had to be postponed. It was just a different Christmas season altogether. But it still came, and it was still holy and blessed even with the adjustments that had to be made. We had plans, but so did The Father, and "every good and perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness or shadow of turning" (James 1:17). He delights in giving good gifts to His children, the problem is that we don't often recognize them for the gifts they are.

Sometimes it takes a little interruption now and then, something like the birth of a miracle baby that six months later makes your heart skip a beat when he smiles; the unexpected death of a teen that leaves you bittersweet memories; a snowstorm days before Christmas that doesn't fit into our planners or Smartphones; or maybe just a house full of teens that have all the answers, to draw our attention to the truly precious gifts of life. At least it did for me this year. Yes, this year it was all about the gifts.

"Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift." 2 Corinthians 9:15

Finding Parenting Grace

2009-10-10T08:32:00.000-04:00

“But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord. These are the generations of Noah: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God. And Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth. The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence” (Genesis 6: 8-11).

It has always saddened me to hear people say, especially believers, that they don’t want any children; that they’ll never bring children into such a wicked world. I sat listening to Roger’s message on the enabling power of God’s great grace from Genesis 6, grace at work in the life of Noah in the midst of great wickedness, grace that enabled him to persevere in faith to accomplish the task before him; to obey under great pressure and ridicule; to wait on God to faithfully perform his Word. But as I read down through the passage I was immediately struck with verse 10: “And Noah begat three sons…”. In the midst of a wicked, violent culture, grace enabled Noah to rear a family. And it was grace through faith that moved Noah to “prepare an ark to the saving of his house” (Hebrews 11:7). The rest of the known world was left to experience judgment because of their unbelief, but Noah was able to impact his family for righteousness sake, and see them saved.

I talked with my oldest grandchild this week, my 5-year-old granddaughter. For months her mom and dad have gently answered her questions, led her through Scripture, and prayed for her salvation as they sensed a tenderness, an openness, and an understanding growing in her of her personal need for a Savior. In the quietness of her room one evening, she “talked with Jesus on her bed” and was later able to pray with Daddy, “thank you Jesus for doing what you said you would do when I talked to you” . I was able to share with her how excited I was that she had trusted Jesus as her Savior and encouraged her to keep learning Bible verses and to work hard in school to learn to read so she could read her Bible.
“I will Grammy,” she said.

Yes, this is a wicked world. But God’s grace is still amazing. And it is surely still available for moms and dads determining to raise their children in the “fear and admonition of the Lord”. It is powerful and enabling when they are building that ark of protection around their family to see them saved. Seeing my own sons and their wives now with their own children, nurturing them and teaching them God’s ways, and blessed to know so many other young couples that are doing the same thing, well, it’s hard to describe the feelings of gratitude and joy it brings. Is raising a child hard work?? You bet. Will there be some pain and hurt along the way?? Likely. But oh is it worth it, especially when you know it’s all because of God’s great grace.

Just remember Noah.

Long, Dry Summer

2009-09-01T17:35:00.000-04:00

All summer long I have fought to pick up the pen. There have been days I thought I would explode if I did not. I was wakened in the middle of the night with things on my heart and mind, but could not put them in words. It was back in May when I last posted, shortly after Ronnie was killed.

As May ran into June, my emotions for a while were much like those late Spring and early Summer days…very unpredictable. In the 15 years we’ve lived here in these West Virginia mountains I’ve learned one thing, the weather can and will change very quickly. I identified this year with the message of the seasons, to expect the unexpected. In just a short span of time I went from heartbreak to overwhelming joy, and several ranges in between.

Some days it was hard to think clearly. The days were rapidly racing by, and where was I? Somewhere on the sidelines trying to get a grip.

Just as each season offers its unique characteristic to savor and enjoy, each experience brings with it an opportunity to learn more, to love deeper, and to laugh often. And laugh I must, for “a merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” (Roger and I took an online stress test. His results: you are stress free for life, but you’re driving everyone else crazy! My results: you need medication NOW!! What do they know???)

As I look back over the last few months I am aware of just how fragile life really is. I am quieted when remembering how painful and yet how joyful the moments can be. I am amazed with my unchanging God and His faithfulness in my life and in the lives of many I cherish.

Ronnie’s mom, sister and nephew have been coming to church. We have seen several of our “ranch” guys trust Christ and after discipling, are ready to be baptized in October. We welcomed our 8th grandchild into the world, a miracle baby, after Rebecca experienced a 7-week long hospital stay. We have prayed and watched as God continues to keep His healing hand on little Ephraim Josiah, overcoming all odds against him; and on Seth and Rebecca with the challenges they have faced and continue to face with their precious gift. We also rejoiced with Brent and Tonia as little Naomi made her entrance shortly after Ephraim. Our nephew was here for the summer, and as quickly as he came, he returned home. Rog and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary with a few days away to reflect on the years and blessings, the children and now grandchildren, the friends…all that God has given us together. Even with the few heartaches along the way, it really has been a wonderful life.

We wrapped up the summer with school shopping for our 10 guys, and a week long “Ranch vacation” in a beautiful cabin on the Little Pigeon River in Pigeon Forge, TN.

Autumn quickly approaches now with its beauty and brisk weather, and I’m sure it will bring its own unexpected changes and challenges. When the world gets a little crazy as it can now and then, I will need a pleasant place to plant my feet and get a grip. Christ is both that Person and that Place. He is gently leading through the changing seasons.

“You are my hiding place.” Psalm 32: 7a

It hurts, but hope prevails.

2009-05-13T12:34:00.000-04:00

When we first went to work with the boys at the ranch, we never considered that burying them would be something we’d ever have to do. But the harsh realities of life for many lends itself to tragedies like the one we’ve experienced this week.

Ronnie came to us an angry, hard, anti-God, anti-authority, hurting young man. It took some time and loving patience, but eventually we began to see that he was opening up to us and God was drawing Ronnie to himself. He wanted no parts of it at first. His life was his own and he could take care of himself, or so he wanted to believe. After church one Sunday he was especially agitated and miserable. I called him over to where I was sitting in the recliner and quietly said “I can explain why you’re so miserable if you’d like.” He sat down on the floor next to me and began to listen. He was such a thinker. He was not going to make a decision without thinking it through and it being his own. And there were things he wasn’t giving up for anyone, not even God. I explained that God was not as concerned with all of that as he might think. We talked of Christ and His love, what He desires to do in a person’s heart and life, and how insignificant all those things become in light of eternity. I assured him Rog and I loved him, God loved him and that wasn’t going to change regardless of what he decided.

Weeks went by. There was confrontation; there was firm, loving discipline. There was acceptance and understanding. One night as they were heading to their rooms for bed after being a bit rambunctious in a fun-loving way, I yelled down the hall, “Good night you knuckleheads! I love you!” He stuck his head out of his room and yelled back, “I would have told you I loved you back if you hadn’t called me a knucklehead!” There was a big smile on his face.

It was a late fall Sunday morning not long after, that I stayed home with a couple of boys that were sick while Rog took the rest on in for church. About the time church was over the phone rang. It was Ronnie. My first thought was “what are you doing on the phone and where are you calling from?” since unsupervised phone use is not allowed. But he laughed and explained, “Brother Rog let me use his cell phone. I wanted to let you know I got saved this morning.” He was too excited to wait until he got home to tell me. I was elated!

Were there still some challenges to overcome? Yes, but we saw a drastic change in him. There were a lot of old habits, a lot of old friends, that made it hard to completely and immediately break away from some things. Ronnie left the ranch the following July but continued to keep in touch with us. He came to church quite a few times too. I talked to him on his 18th birthday in March. Rog saw him just a few weeks ago in the mall.

On Saturday morning we received word that Ronnie had been stabbed and killed in his sister’s home. His mom had left a message on my cell phone after leaving the hospital. Ronnie didn’t go looking for this. He wasn’t out on the streets getting into trouble. He wasn’t out partying or carousing. He was at his sister’s watching a movie. But trouble knew where to find him. Past connections don’t always stay in the past. The young man responsible for bursting into the home and drawing him into this altercation has been arrested and charged with murder, but Ronnie is still gone. His mom asked Rog to handle his funeral.

We are shocked, grieved, but comforted at the same time. I don’t question, but I do wonder about God’s divine plan. Last July when we returned to the ranch after our days off to learn that Ronnie was no longer there, I went to his room to look, think, pray. Sometimes when they leave we don’t ever see them again. His things were all still there. I would have to pack them and ready them for a worker or relative to pick up. His Bible was open on his desk to what had become a favorite passage of Scripture that we talked about often:

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

This may seem to fly in the face of all that has happened, but not really. For what is our future and hope as a believer but Christ Himself? Praise the God of all grace, the Giver of faith and hope. There are no hard cases with God. He will save all those who come to Him. “All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.” John 6:37

Rog and his Quad

2009-05-08T07:20:00.000-04:00

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's...just Rog on his quad; quadcycle to be exact. It's different, and it's so Rog.

So he took it to the mall for a trial run "just to get a feel for it and work the kinks out before a real run." Sounds simple enough.

However, little did he know that the Mall Police (you know, those folks that walk around the mall with their shiny badges and crisp uniforms looking very serious and official)needed a bit of excitement in their lives. So when he heard the horn honking behind him and the light flashing (yep, they have a bright yellow flashing light for the top of their vehicle but unfortunately no siren so the horn has to do) he "pulled over".

"What the heck is that thing?" was the first question. After an explanation and inspection, "the card" was pulled out that explained that skateboards and rollerblades were not allowed and bicycles were not allowed on the sidewalks.
Well, since Rog was riding around the outside of the parking lot, and he wasn't on a skateboard or rollerblades, he wasn't sure what the problem was. And, she wasn't either exactly. Long story short he was "free to go", with a note to "be safe". End of story right?

Not exactly. The next day he goes back for his morning run, only to once again hear the honking horn and see the flashing light on the miniature SUV in his rear-view mirror riding slowly behind him.

"You need to get that thing out of here, whatever it is. I thought it was a go-cart at first." Other comments went something like this:

"People can't see you." (this mall po po saw him!)
"What is that thing anyway?" (another explanation)
"Do you want me to call my supervisor?" (actually, that would be a good idea, since
I had this discussion yesterday and really don't want to have it everyday!)

Security on her walkie-talkie: "I need some help out here!" You know what kind of reaction that open-ended comment drew! Yep, they came running from every direction. Who knew there were so many security people in one little mall anyway?? This is Beckley WV for heaven's sake!! The further this went the more amusing it became, and Rog handled it like he handles most everything, kindness, patience, humor (sometimes he really urks me!!). The comments went something like this:

"Is this what you called us out here for?"
"This running is too much for a fat man!"
"What the heck is that thing anyway?" (he'd heard that before!)
"I don't think it's safe"
"It's a quad, don't you know anything?" (this from the lady Rog explained yesterday
to)
"I already told him he was fine."
"I still don't think it's safe."
"Look at that thing go!"

It was finally decided he was approved to be on mall property with his "whatever it's called". So he packed it up and came home.

He's out this morning riding all over the ranch, and looking forward to hitting some bike trails and then his first lengthy trip across the Outer Banks hopefully this fall. He's been working toward this since discovering his first peddle car nearly five years ago. While in Utah he came across a bike shop that specializes in them. They start with a basic frame and custom build them, then ship to anywhere in the states.

Somehow I don't think this will be the last of these "little incidents". Not a bike, not a trike, it's a quad!

Waiting

2009-03-05T14:18:00.000-05:00

Our Wednesday evening Bible Study on aging...yes aging (and we all are doing it, whether we like it or not!)...has struck some interesting chords in me. This week Rog zeroed in on Caleb. What an example! I was amazed once again to be reminded that Caleb waited 45 years to see the fulfillment of God's promise to him. Let me say that again...45 Years!!

Now I know I'm the only one that struggles with this, so just let me get it out of my system. How often I've prayed, "Lord, anything but wait...don't ask me to do that!" But then when He sees fit to have me wait anyway, I'm always amazed at His perfect timing, and the perfect work He has done in me while waiting. Mind you, the perfecting work didn't feel so great while I was in the process, but knowing it was a perfect work that He in His soverfeign love for me, was attempting to accomplish, well, that's what kept me going.

I'm old enough now to look back and reflect on times when the waiting turned into seasons of my life. Much like what Caleb experienced I suppose, when waiting is not just for days or weeks, but years. For him, God's promise involved a physical inheritance; land. This came as a direct Word from God through Moses. There were several things I see from Joshua 12 that kept Caleb going and that can apply to me personally as I look to the Lord to fulfil the promises of His Word in a very real way.

1) Caleb knew God's promise and even though days passed into months, and months into years he held on to it, not forgetting. You must know and understand God's promises to you. They must come from His Word, not just be personal feelings or desires. And you cannot try to understand and interpret them from a man-centered, needs-based perspective that does not give God His rightful place as Sovereign.
In other words, before supposing that God has not been faithful to His Word, give God the benefit of the doubt and confidently wait. (Josh 12: 6, 10 and 12;

2) While Caleb waited for God to be faithful in fulfilling His promise to him he did not waiver in his faithfulness to God. Rather, he was able to look back on his life and say he had "wholly followed the Lord [his] God"; and this was not said in arrogance but as an affirmation of Caleb's confidence in God's faithfulness to Him. I have seen all too often a disillusionment with God when He doesn't act as quickly as expected. Caleb allowed himself no reason to doubt God. And if anyone had a reason to become angry and bitter it was Caleb. It was because of the disobedience of "his brethren" (12:9) that Caleb's promise was delayed 45 years!!

3) Caleb claimed God's promise personally and specifically. Rog once had a gentleman tell him "you just take the Word of God too personally." What this gentleman intended as an insult Rog took as a compliment. It's not real until it's personal. God is all-powerful, all-sufficient, all-knowing. He knows where you are, He knows what you need, and when you need it. Who are we to demand from God? No, it is for us to trust, and wait.

4) Caleb was reassured by ongoing evidences of God’s faithfulness those forty-five years. He was kept physically strong and capable. He was sustained in the wilderness as he watched his own generation die off as God had said they would. He would “enter into rest” with the younger generation because his own generation had rebelled against God and chosen the path of unbelief. I couldn’t help but think of “the blessed hope” we cling to now of Christ’s return for us and all that God has in store (I Peter 1), but also the many “spiritual blessings” He has blessed us with now as we wait (Eph 1). It’s just like God to give us these affirmations of His love, reaffirming His commitment to fulfilling His promises by providing ongoing evidences of His faithfulness not just to us, but primarily to His Word. That’s just who He is.

What is it you are waiting for today? “My soul, wait thou only upon God, for my expectation is from Him.” (Ps. 62: 5) And what did I learn from this about aging? I guess there are some things that come just with growing old!

I AM THAT I AM

2009-01-23T09:20:00.000-05:00

My Christianity is my existence. My relationship with Christ defines me. My belief moves me. I live it, breathe it. But sometimes I must take a step back to reflect and remember, reflect on who He is and what He has done. And not just who He is to me, or what He has done for me, but rather, Who He is in His existence, and what He has done because of who He is...His wonderful works of creation, redemption, heaven.

It is humbling to acknowledge that I often revert to seeing from a foggy self-perspective. To think outside of myself for a moment brings understanding to the Psalmist's question, "What is man that Thou art mindful of him, and the son of man that Thou visitest him" (Ps 8:4).

Consider Isaiah after King Uzziah's death, able to see God high and lifted up in all His holiness. Isaiah turns from a moment of loss and grief, uncertainty, to awe-inspired humility and committed service to the Holy One. Consider John on the Isle of Patmos who hears the thunderous voice and sees the eyes as flames of fire, and falls as dead in awe-inspired worship. Consider Peter, James and John on the Mount of Transfiguration, rendered speechless in awe of His glory.

In Exodus, Moses questions God as to how he is to explain to the children of Israel and to Pharoah just Whom he is speaking for. How do you explain His Person? How do you fully convey the power, the authority, the holiness? Moses intimately knows God in His great power. He has left his presence veiled so that others would not be blinded by the brightness of the Glory of God that Moses has experienced. The explanation rests in His Name. "Tell them I AM has sent you." "And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM." It was enough.

I AM. The Ever-existing One. The All-Sufficient One. The All-Powerful One.

We function on beginnings and endings. We begin a day, a week, a year, and plan it with the end in mind. We age from birthday to birthday. We change from one season of life to the next as moments and milestones make us keenly aware there is no going back. It is understandable that the Eternality of our God is a concept we readily accept but find mind-boggling to comprehend and act on.

I need an occasional mind-boggling. If you're like me, you think concretely, you live routinely. Our world can become so small and it takes a determined effort to be sure it is not revolving around us. It's not that I stop believing. I know and believe, but day spills into day before I realize I'm not fully experiencing the impacting awe of His Person. I know His works, but all of a sudden they're not inspiring me anymore to passion and worship. I would not deny His Power and Greatness. I know He is Holy, but suddenly I realize the awe has wained, and my adoration and humble service have become routine. And I wonder what has happened!

The Great I AM does not change. He is "the eternal, self-existent, and immutable Being; the only being who can say that He always will be what He always has been."*

That's awesome. Be awed today.

"this is my Name forever, and this is my memorial unto all generations." Exodus 3:15b

*quote by Bible commentator G. Bush

A Manger Memory

2008-12-25T16:11:00.000-05:00

"Emmanuel, God with us" This reality has rung in my ears over and over again this Christmas. "What is man that Thou art mindful of him? and the son of man that Thou visitest him?" (Ps. 8:4) It is an awesome and overwhelming thought that God the Creator would make a way for us to not only know Him through His dear Son, but would allow for His abiding presence with us always. And not just that we can come to Him, but He came to us.

Roger and I have always made it a practice to read the Christmas story together as a family on Christmas morning before opening gifts and beginning our day. We knew this year would be different primarily because we'd be spending Christmas at the ranch with "our boys" there, those that did not have families to spend time with, or families they could not be with. Rog suggested we do something a little different.

So last night on Christmas Eve, we gathered down in the barn. We invited the girls' cottage next door and our resident wrangler and her family that was visiting, to join us. Rog placed a manger, one used in countless manger scenes and Christmas plays, in an empty straw-strewn stall. With a couple of horses occasionally snorting, the barn cats mewing at the invasion of their space, and the smell of wood and hay and leather in the air, we crowded in that little stall around the manger and listened in the quiet as Rog read the Christmas story from Luke. I then began singing Away in a Manger, then Silent Night as everyone joined in.

We worshiped last night in that barn stall, and celebrated the presence of our Savior who was with us in a very real way. Some of the kids wanted explanations..."what's a manger anyway...what does swaddling clothes mean??" The beautiful story so familiar to me is still foreign to many.

We have so many wonderful Christmas memories, time with family, time with special friends, times with our dear church family. Our boys are now making memories of their own with the beautiful families God has given them. And even though Rog and I celebrate a little differently than we used to, we're still making memories.

Standing in the quiet of that rough stall last night I thanked Jesus that He "became flesh and dwelt among us, and for the promise of his abiding presence still.

Beauty in Simplicity

2008-12-02T09:32:00.000-05:00

God knows what I need and when I need it. I am so easily overwhelmed when I'm tired. My thoughts get cloudy and my mood meloncholy. I need quiet. I need life to slow down a bit and not be so demanding. But we know that's not always possible. Sometimes we must push through relying on the grace of God and His joy which is our strength. And His grace is even more precious when we are at the end of ourselves and know it His grace sustaining us.

But then there are those moments...and yes they are often just moments...that He allows us to have some sought out solitude, a tiny respite from the craziness. Like today, right now. Even though life is pressing, I pause to enjoy the scene outside my window. A soft, steady snow is falling. From a full, gray sky it blankets the earth and calls me to stop and take notice of the beauty and simplicity of this season.

Maybe for you it is the laughter of a child, the warm glow of a candle, a soft breeze on your face, the peaceful breathing of a sleeping baby, a favorite song on the radio that draws you to sing along. Whatever it is, don't let the moment slip by unnoticed. These are just a few of the many ways the Lord expresses His love for us, assures us of His presence with us. We can't afford to pass this by.

I have learned to treasure the beauty and simplicity of these moments as a gift from my Father who knows where I am and what I need.

Hope Now

2008-11-12T10:08:00.000-05:00

If there was one thing stirred in the hearts of many this year concerning the 2008 election, it was hope, hope for change. I don’t doubt the hope was real, just perhaps misplaced.

Proverbs 23:18 says, “For surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.” The KJV renders it this way: “For surely there is an end; and thine expectation shall not be cut off.” Hope is the expectation of a desired end. But for hope to be more than just wishful thinking, it has to be grounded in something more than just our expectations or we will be sorely disappointed when hopes are not realized.

Hope cannot rest in a man or in an ideal. Even for the believer, hope standing alone is diminished. “And now abides faith, hope, love, these three” (I Cor. 13: 13). The believer has hope and can rest assured our hopes will be realized because it rests in the Eternal God. This hope is grounded in faith, our faith in Christ and His faithfulness to His Word. His promises are sure because His Word is authoritative and eternal Truth. His promises are a testimony to His character, who He is and what He has done, and they do not change.

Our hope is grounded in faith, and it is fueled and energized by love. We love Him, we wait for Him, because He first loved us (I John 4:19). When we grasp the great reality of God’s love for us and know that it will not let us go there is every reason to have faith, to keep believing; thus hope is flamed.

Hope is an amazing thing, but hopes dashed are devastating. And what does this have to do with the recent election? This election brought out a great passion in people on both ends of the political spectrum. Issues, philosophies, even our very system of government in this country were brought into question. Hatred reared its ugly head in the form of feminism, racism, extremism, and yes, even socialism in its rudimentary ideology.

Being involved in choosing our country’s leadership wouldn’t be an issue if we lived in one of those countries or cultures where the system of government doesn’t allow for that. It would be decided for us. Being involved, and the degree to which we become involved is an area we must rely on the wisdom and leadership of the spirit of God to help us decide. There is no debating our responsibility to pray “for kings, and for all that are in authority" (I Tim. 2: 1-3). We also have the admonition to “render to Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s" (Matt. 22:21). We must also use discernment in determining when the authorities God has ordained (Rom. 13) would cause us to deny or dishonor God as our ultimate authority, leaving us no choice but to “obey God rather than man” (Acts 5:29).

Paul encouraged those that struggled with eating meat offered to idols, believing that to do so brought them into the pagan idolatry, to consider not only what was “lawful”, but what was “expedient”; some things are not necessary, but are allowed. We know “that there is none other God but one” (I Cor. 8: 4), and we serve Him. His kingdom is not of this world (John 18:36). But God has instituted and ordained government for our good (Rom 13: 1-7) and uses even pagan leadership to His purposes (consider Nebuchadnezzar, Darius, Artaxerxes for instance). Also, we are stewards of that which is committed to us (the country and culture in which we live) and we are to be responsible and faithful in that stewardship (I Cor. 4:2). And we must live before God with a pure conscience, trusting Him to teach us. Therefore, “let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind” because “whatever is not of faith is sin” (Romans 14: 5, 23).

We involve ourselves everyday in systems and services that are not necessarily biblical. In other words, there are a lot of areas out there that aren’t clear cut as to whether or not being involved would associate us with something that would dishonor God in some way. I was taught as a young Christian that to go to movies was to associate myself with and support, an “evil” industry set on destroying values and morality; I was taught that to buy groceries from a grocery store that sold alcohol or cigarettes was again, putting my dollars in support of those things. I could list other examples. I grappled with these issues, not wanting to disappoint my Savior and be anything other than a faithful witness for Him. But I soon realized that first and foremost, I could not live a victorious Christian life with guilt over one issue or another. I also understood that I am responsible for the impression of Christ I leave with others. I had to study the Scripture for myself where these issues were concerned, come to a conclusion before God on these issues, and then live these beliefs out. This also meant respecting those that viewed things differently, often becoming the “weaker brother’ (I Cor 8: 9) rather than being offended by another’s liberty, and on the other hand never using my liberty “as an occasion of offense or stumbling” if I could help it.

I have chosen to be involved in the political process, the privilege to vote and support one candidate or the other, the opportunity to let my voice be heard on important issues facing our nation today. But I do so with a keen awareness of my ultimate allegiance to the Eternal God, to “the Lord Jesus Christ…who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords (I Tim. 6:15); confidently assured that “the kings heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: He turns it whatever way He determines” (Prov 21:1); He “is the judge; He putteth down one, and setteth up another” (Ps. 75:7). I am careful to search the Scripture to avoid forming opinions and making decisions based solely on how I feel, what I prefer, or how my economic situation will be affected (as my mom used to say, “it all comes down to the almighty dollar”.) And I do so not with a misplaced hope for a bright future in a man, an ideal, or a system of government, but with a hope “both sure and steadfast” (Heb. 6: 17-19) in the God of the future, Jesus Christ “the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending” (Rev. 1: 8).

My thoughts were jarred sitting in our Wednesday night Bible study as my pastor/husband directed us to the verse from Proverbs about hope and “an expected end”. I had muddled through these thoughts over the past months as I grew weary of the political battle, bias, and bunk. I struggled initially with putting all my thoughts into words and with the need to even do so. I felt compelled to examine once again why I do what I do. I have over the years had a tendency to be both patriotic and passionate about issues of conscience, and about my country. Is it a nation of great spiritual barrenness? I believe it is as barren as it has ever been. But I have enjoyed so much of its beauty, its freedoms, its traditional historical ideals. Then, on a daily basis I am surrounded by those with dashed hopes and misplaced trust and have no faith in anyone or anything, God or country. They own no heritage, know no greater culture outside the small world that is their reality whatever that may be. It is a generation bereft of values, morals, and ideals that has dismissed God and His Sovereignty and sacrificed a common good for a selfish individualism. Yet, they clamor for a genuine love, a faith in something or someone bigger than themselves, and just a glimmer of hope for a decent future. So when someone promising change and promoting hope comes on the scene, well, this is where we are.

I then questioned my passion and the urgency with which I share the message of hope I have in Christ. Was I doing all I could do? Was the church? Have we failed in many respects? Yes, but then righteous Noah preached faithfully for 120 years to see only his family respond because “the wickedness of man was great upon the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually” (Gen. 6:5), and thank God he at least saw his family saved, which should be an example to all of us. It was the reassurance from the Word on that Wednesday evening as the verse sailed off the page about my “expectation not being cut off” that I was encouraged and settled, and my thoughts about hope and this election started to make sense at least to me. Then, just this evening as I drove across town a new release on the radio caught my attention. It solidified in my mind that a message of “faith, hope, and love, these three” was a reminder from the Lord for these tumultuous times. I leave you with this:

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters
all I want is the shore
You say I’ll be okay and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

refrain & chorus from Hope Now; Addison Road

Faith and Forgiveness

2008-10-15T11:56:00.000-04:00

"And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God... Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any, that your Father which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses." Mark 11: 22, 24-25.

Unforgiveness weakens and often destroys the opportunity to pray and believe God for what we ask. Earlier in this chapter we see Jesus curse a fig tree because it was not bearing fruit. Then later that same day when walking again past the same tree, Peter is amazed to see that the tree Jesus cursed had withered. What did Peter expect?

Jesus goes on to explain to Peter that faith in God can be mountain-moving! Jesus says "if you ask not doubting in your heart, but believing that those things you pray for will come to pass, you'll have them." But then He says, " when you stand praying, forgive...". Jesus makes a direct connection between unanswered prayer and unforgiveness.

If God can move mountains because we pray exercising faith in Him, certainly He can enable us to forgive. But it's not usually about our ability to forgive, it's about our willingness to do so.

Forgiveness for many seems to be too much to ask. I've often had young people and adults alike respond to the encouragement to forgive; "you don't understand, you don't know what they've done to me! You don't know what they've put me through!" And my heart aches, because I see their pain and know their hurt is real and deep. Forgiveness seems impossible, and just too hard.

But when is the last time you saw a mountain moved into the sea? Yes forgiveness is hard, very hard. But it is possible, and it is very necessary.

1. It's possible because we have the power of God through mountain-moving faith, the promise of His Word, and the Spirit of God to enable and strengthen us. In other words, we don't go it alone!
2. It's necessary, for our own forgiveness. "What do I need to be forgiven for?" you may ask. "I'm the one that has been wronged here." Perhaps the unwillingness to forgive.

Even if the power of forgiveness never reaches the one you are forgiving (which it will often do), when you forgive you are freed from the weight that unforgiveness becomes. You are freed to receive the blessings God has for those who obey Him. You are freed to grow in your relationship with Christ, not having your fellowship broken because of disobedience and an unwillingness to take Him at His word. You may not be able to see at the onset how you could possibly do as He asks. This is where faith takes hold as you simply obey.

Remember the fig tree? When Jesus said that no one would eat its fruit from that point on, it withered. Don't allow unforgiveness to cause your faith in God to wither and die. As difficult as it may be, forgive, and keep your faith growing and thriving. After all, there may be a mountain or two you may need to see God move for you later on down the road.

2008-09-28T07:49:00.000-04:00

"Since God is a patient God, when we abandon patience we miss the opportunity to show our world the glory of God through our lives. Bursts of impatience only demonstrate that we are more concerned with our own agendas than the needs and struggles of others. So let’s take a deep breath and turn our focus away from ourselves by patiently loving others in the midst of stress. Be patient. Show your world what God is really like.” (Our Daily Bread, 9-25-08)

Waiting. On first thought, I considered myself a pretty patient person. I seldom become exasperated waiting in the Walmart line…I always pick the wrong one anyway; I seldom fall victim to road rage…I know there are very few perfect drivers like myself; long waits in lobbies for a doctor’s appointment…no problem, I usually get engrossed in a magazine article I rarely get to finish as it is.

But as I contemplated further, I realized that most of my waiting had been done in seasons, some of them quite long. And patience did not always have its perfect work while trusting God to work.

I prayed, and fretted, and saw God do a lot of changing in my own heart and life while waiting for nearly ten years to seemy parents turn fully to God. By the time my own children were old enough to really get to know and love their grandparents, they were different people than they had been as my parents. But that took time, and God’s great grace.

I prayed, and fretted, and saw God do a lot of changing in my own heart while waiting for years to see God heal a bitter relationship between my mother and my grandmother. They were both finally able to see the Lord help them set aside a lifetime of pain and hurt, and experience love and acceptance and forgiveness before the Lord took my grandmother home. But that took time, and God’s great grace.

I prayed, and fretted, and saw God do a lot of changing in my own heart while waiting several years to see change and healing come to a church, and us ultimately directed to another ministry in another part of the country. I could not see it at the time, but would we have been open to relocating under other circumstances? That took time, and God’s great grace.

Once again, I prayed, I fretted, I pleaded with God for nearly three years to open a door of escape when I was in a situation I thought I could not endure much longer. The hurt, the disappointment, the spiritual abuse that I saw taking place, the oppression, the anger, all the self-examination and near despondency when God was silent. All that, to see God in one swift move, take me higher and give me what I did not think possible. All the tears, all the grieving, then joy and contentment. But that took time, and God’s great grace.

My son Aaron recently called and left a quote on my voicemail: “God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him, even in suffering.” Isn’t that the very core of patience, being satisfied in Him?

“Knowing this, that the trying of your faith works patience, but let patience have her perfect work that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting [lacking] nothing”, James 1: 3-4.

A Leap of Faith

2008-09-17T21:35:00.000-04:00

“Ye also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house…to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.” I Peter 2:5

Some days I don’t feel like I’m being built up. Some days I feel more like life is beating me down. When life gets complicated, when burdens get heavy, when I get tired, disappointed, it’s so easy for my focus to shift from joy in Jesus to unruly unrest.

Faith needs to be continually exercised and spiritual stamina bolstered because life is demanding. Just when I think my faith has been challenged, and stretched, and tested to the limit, God begins to change the limit and move me forward! The goal? To build me up.

This is more often than not, uncomfortable, even painful. But this is both the mystery and strength of faith. We don’t set the limits! God does. And if our faith is resting in Him, it will be enough. I can always count on Him, and on His Word to provide the stability I need amidst all the unrest.

I am experiencing God’s perfect timing in the work of faith He is doing in me again. As if to remind me of what’s happening, when I am in need of “being built up”, Rog gets to the book of Hebrews in his chronological study of the Scripture that he has been taking us through at church. It’s one thing to read of the victories and triumphs, all accomplished by faith, but the turn that triumph takes in Hebrews 11: 35 is a heart-stopper; “Women received their dead raised to life again; and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance….and others….they were stoned, they were torn asunder….”. Not exactly what we might first consider triumphant faith.

Sounds like they were a little beaten down themselves.

God says they all obtained a good report through faith (v. 39).

As a “living stone”, I do not want my faith to stagnate. I want my faith to be strong, and vibrant, and active. But I must trust a loving Father to determine the path my faith will take in its triumph, and determine to trust Him. A painful triumph is still a triumph. A vibrant, built-up faith will be a sacrifice God will be pleased to accept and honor.

It’s time to take another leap of faith.

Do you love me?

2008-08-27T21:46:00.000-04:00

I had begun to question my love for the children that God has entrusted to Rog and me to care for. I can't help but get attached, personally involved; I can't help but love them. And when they make poor choices, I hurt for them, but don't tire of them. It only serves to increase my awareness of their great need, and I love them even more. But when they leave, often with no notice, no closure, it's very difficult.

Most don't understand the tears. And because they come often, some might be tempted to see me as an emotional mess. It was the same when I was teaching. In fact, another teacher once told me I'd be much better off to distance myself from the children (whatever that means), and just enjoy teaching the material. But I wasn't there to simply teach material. I was there to teach children.

Still, I understand the need to keep a balance and let the Spirit of God rule rather than my emotions. I felt in my heart this was true for me, but needed the reassurance from the Word to quiet my heart and keep me from discouragement. I needed to know that my feelings had not been able to overshadow my judgment, as strong as they sometimes could be.

So, I opened my Bible for my morning devotions, and there was the answer I had been asking the Lord for. "Do you love me? ...Feed my sheep" John 21:15-17. After reading the passage, a pointed question in Our Daily Bread for the day got my attention; "Jesus didn't ask Peter if he loved His sheep, but if he loved Him." Once Peter affirmed his love for Christ, he was told to feed His sheep.

Loving Jesus with all my heart, and allowing Him to love them through me, deepens my love from simply an emotion to a purposeful action of Christ Himself. It provides the balance and the motivation to continue loving, in spite of the hurt, in spite of the misunderstanding.

All at once I knew that if I ever lost this passion, it would be my love for Christ that would first be in question, not my love for others. And that's not what I ever want to happen. So, to keep it all in perspective I will return to this question often..."Do you love me?"

Camping by the Waters

2008-08-13T10:02:00.001-04:00

What a flurry of activity we have had this summer! School will be starting in just a couple of weeks. We started the summer with Seth and Rebecca's wedding over Memorial weekend, and a precious time with all the family. We've experienced the excitement of the news that two new grandbabies are on the way - Aaron and Martha in October, and Josh and Christina in February. The month of June was just a blur as we spent extended time "on cottage" at the ranch so that all other staff could rotate their vacation times as well. Then, 4th of July festivities, Ashley and Adam's wedding and Bible school which included time with our twin nephews. July was also the beginning of Operation De-clutter I started calling it...a time of cleaning house, complete with an ordered dumpster that we filled!

August began with another wedding (Tara and Jamie's), time with Brent and Tonia and a trip to River Valley Ranch in Md to see Aaron. He flew in from Maui for a week of teen camp as the speaker. How awesome to see him "in action" with the teens and their tremendous response to the messages and to him personally. They just love him. We would see him during the day with his Bible sitting on the bridge or a picnic table with a flock of teens around him, and just thank the Lord. It was also great to be back at RVR after a couple of summers, seeing the Lord working, and then visiting with some special people there. Because we were in Bible school over our
29th anniversary, Rog and I took an extra day for ourselves on the way back, making a stop at Harper's Ferry (visiting historical sights is one of our favorite things!)for the afternoon. We came home and returned to our projects here at home. After somewhat of a color dilemna, we went for a bold change in the living room and painted, chocolate and sage! Rog wondered why the shade of green, but we both love it! Now just the kitchen and downstairs to go!

On the ride home, we looked back over our summer and considered how wonderfully blessed we are. We also considered the news we received of a tragic death of a young man. Although we know God has a huge plan we don't often see, and some storms He simply allows for a greater purpose, we also thought about how powerful and impacting choices are. We made choices early on in our marriage to follow hard after the heart of God, and to make a determined effort to have our children come to know him and have a desire to serve Him. Those choices however, required follow through. They required a daily conscious decision to know God's Word and live by it as He enabled us by His grace. In other words, a life of blessing didn't just happen.

Exodus 15:26 says "If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the Lord thy God and wilt do that which is right in His sight, and wilt give ear to His commandments, and keep all His statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the God that healeth thee."

Have their been difficulties, wilderness times, hurt and heartbreak? Yes, but not because of God's judgment. We have missed out on the heartbreak of living outside His will, and the loss of peace and joy and provision and wisdom and all the other benefits He daily loads us with (Ps 68:19). This is all to the praise of His glory, because He is faithful to His Word. It is His great desire for all His children. The children of Israel were reminded of what the Egyptians had experienced at the hand of God. As one writer explains, "...the same hand that turned water into blood could turn bitter water into sweet. The same power that brought curses on Egypt could bring health to Israel" (Marvin Williams, ODB). In this passage of Scripture the children of Israel went from a place of "no water" (15:22) to "camping [there] by the waters."

"I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live; that thou mayest love the Lord thy God, and that thou mayest obey His voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto Him; for He is thy life, and the length of thy days..." (Deuteronomy 30:19-20).

I'm so grateful to be able to look back and praise God for a life of blessing (and even the hard times were His blessing), and the privilege to camp by the waters!

The Mind of a Teenager

2008-07-30T09:08:00.000-04:00

I’ve been thinking a lot about rebellion these days. As Roger and I invest ourselves in the lives of the teen boys that come to the home, some hurt is inevitable. And we do not believe that any are random placements, but rather are directed by God, every child a gift (Ps 127:3). We cannot help but grow to love these boys. And when they make wrong choices, especially choices that impact their futures in ways they are usually not considering at the time, it grieves us. But it also reminds us of the great needs, and we love them even more. Wonderfully, we serve a great God that loves them even more than we do.

As real and serious as rebellion is, I’m not convinced all children that make wrong choices are doing so out of a rebellious heart. Luke 2: 40-52 provided some insight on this. Mary and Joseph had made the annual trek into Jerusalem for the Passover. They were a day’s journey into their return home only to discover that Jesus was not “in the company”. They returned to Jerusalem to find him in the temple.

Jesus was clearly not in rebellion because he failed to be where his parents thought he was. Did they fully understand what Jesus was about? Verse 50 explains they did not. They made assumptions they shouldn’t have made, and had wrong expectations of him, all because they did not understand him.

Well, understanding the mind of a teenager might seem like an impossible feat. It is definitely a challenge, but it’s one that we need to embrace. Learning how they tick is so important. It will be different for each child. It’s especially interesting when they think differently than we do! It might create some clashes from time to time, some tension. It often takes strong and deliberate contemplation before God to “figure that kid out”! But hasty conclusions won’t do. And you’ll never do it apart from simply talking to them either, a lot.

Have they intentionally disobeyed, or was there possibly some misunderstanding? Were expectations clear? Has adequate instruction been provided? What you were trying to teach them, did they get it?? What are they trying to accomplish? What were their motivators or triggers? Young people are usually not thinking beyond the immediate. They’re not weighing all the factors or considering consequences. They're not considering that the process is as important as the end result. They may have an “end justifies the means” philosophy without even realizing it. Are they left feeling that what they think and how they feel is not important?

I Thessalonians 5:14 offers some help in this area, identifying some behaviors in addition to rebellion, and guidance in handling other attitudes and behaviors:

“…warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.”

Rather than be in rebellion, could a young person simply be unruly and would respond to a warning? What about careless, weak, unmotivated, indifferent, foolish children? These all require attention…discipline, structure, firm consistency, support, encouragement, but are far from rebellion at this point, and should be dealt with accordingly. For example, to roughly and sternly warn the weak, laying out ultimatums, could crush them in their insecurity. But to offer support and encouragement, taking a befriending approach to the unruly, could end up enabling them and strengthening them in their behaviors, letting them feel they “got away with it”.

I’m not done with this! And I’m grateful the Scripture abounds with truth and principles to explore and apply, because I’m sure there will be no shortage of hurting young people that need Him and the guidance He provides.

Keepers at Home

2008-07-16T09:23:00.000-04:00

I began to grow restless about where I was in the area of my service for the Lord. I was very much involved at church…teaching a ladies Bible class, working a bus route bringing children to church on Sunday mornings, together with my husband directing junior church for over a hundred children on the average each Sunday. I was back in school trying to finish my degree (I had put that on hold to homeschool our boys and allow Rog to finish his Masters), and working part-time at the Bible college I was attending. But sitting in my office one day, I felt stifled by the ‘Christian bubble’ I was in. I was not out in the community nearly as much anymore, speaking to others about Christ. Even though I was confident this was the ministry for me at the time, I missed my contact with “the real world” some would call it. I determined to make sure I was using every opportunity regardless of my primary ministry, to speak out and for Christ. I found some amazing outlets were provided.

When the boys were younger and I was completely occupied at home, I would also have times when I felt like there was more I should be doing for the Lord. Even then, I was working in children’s church, working a bus route, and working with another couple with youth group, singing in the choir, working in the nursery…so it wasn’t like I wasn’t involved. But there were times it was a tremendous challenge with four little ones to be so involved. I struggled between feelings of guilt, pressure, and what my true priorities should be. Through prayer and reading the Word, God would impressed on me the importance and priority of my place in my home with my children at that time. I made some changes and never regretted it.

But then, with my children grown and my responsibilities completely different, I was feeling it again. No guilt this time. I learned my lesson about serving out of guilt and pressure. That’s no service at all. It’s just mostly joyless duty and activity that drains and creates stress. This was more a restlessness and a desire to once again move outside the bubble.

Along with some other stresses and circumstances that were causing me to rethink the place of ministry God had me in at the time, the thought of a making another change wouldn’t leave me. Once again, through prayer and time in God’s Word…nearly a year this time of intense seeking the Lord…doors began to open. Rog came in one afternoon with a complimentary booklet he had received at the church, and I began to read it. About half-way through the booklet, the following statement sailed off the page:

“Your home is the single most powerful arena on earth to change a life for God’.
Bruce Wilkenson, The Prayer of Jabez.

Well, I believed that with all my heart. Rog and I had given ourselves long ago to the very goal of making our home a place where lives were impacted for Christ…the lives of our children first and foremost, then any others God would direct to us. We wanted our home to be a haven, a place of growth and nourishment, a place to think and learn, a place of love, acceptance, and the chance to love in return. We wanted it to be obvious, even when there were challenges and emotions and mistakes and failures, that God was in charge here.

We still believe this. Only now the Lord has “enlarged our tent” to another “home”, one especially for children that we have now been house parents in for nearly two years.

Lesson?? Don’t underestimate the reach of your home…God has graciously allowed us in recent years to see its impact literally around the globe. Once again, no regrets.

“Every wise woman buildeth her house…” Prov 14:1; “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it” Ps 127: 1. This is not a contradiction. Let the Lord build his house through you.

Love your husbands and children

2008-07-01T17:18:00.000-04:00

"...teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children..."

I listened as Roger preached from Titus 2, a familiar passage. But my thoughts became hung on the verse above, amazed once again that God would see the need for women to be instructed to love their husbands and children. Doesn't that just come naturally, especially to believers?

Sadly, no. To truly love as God would have us to means to love unselfishly. And sometimes it's difficult to see and admit that loving selfishly is exactly what we're doing. If true love is always doing what is best for the object of that love, it often takes a determined effort to remove self from the picture.

Loving your husband and children should be the most wonderful and fulfilling experience you'll have as a woman. But this can't be the reason you extend yourself and express your love for them. Loving your husband and children cannot be about how it makes you feel or about what you want. Wives and mothers cannot do what they do because of how fulfilling it is. It can't be about being needed or appreciated. If you are to truly love the way God would have you to it must be unconditional.

Unconditional love is unselfish. And loving unconditionally will constrain you to continue loving even when it's hard and it hurts. Selfish love quits, abandons, won't forgive, controls, pouts, and manipulates. It doesn't stop until it has its way.

Of course, this goes against most of today's prevalent philosophies; just consider the pro-choice movement as one example, and the 50/50 marriage mentality for another. And because it is so prevalent in society today, and because it's a part of our very nature to be selfish, God's way of loving must still be taught.

Saying Goodbye

2008-06-17T18:48:00.000-04:00

We came home, had a couple of days with Seth and Rebecca before putting them on a plane back to Utah, then it was back to the ranch for the last couple of weeks. I still have days when tears surface as I think of how quickly things change. How precious our time with family and friends is! My tears are definitely happy ones.

It was not too many years ago, Rog and I found ourselves saying goodbye over and over again in just a short period of time, to our own children, to dear friends, to those in our church family that were following the leadership of the Lord as He led them other places to minister. How hard it was! I was drained and feeling quite a void. Finally, as I said goodbye and hung up the phone with yet another dear friend headed back to Korea, I told Rog I was so tired of saying goodbye. It seemed at the time it was all we were doing. He tenderly reminded me how blessed we were to have so many people in our lives to be able to know and love, and say goodbye to.

It was true. And that is how I have tried to see it since then. Does it make it any easier? No, but it has changed my perspective. I don't dread saying goodbye anymore. I don't like it any more than before, but it's one more opportunity to praise the Lord for the blessing of family and friends, for the chance to share and love, to build into each other's lives and make some precious memories. My focus is no longer on me and the loss and void I feel, but on the goodness of God.

So, as God continues to bless with the preciousness of family, and allows us to know and love others as we cross paths, I'll gladly say goodbye for that chance. The joy and blessing is too great to pass up.

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you...because I have you in my heart." Philippians 1: 3, 7

Outer Banks

2008-05-24T06:31:00.000-04:00

We’re here, and I can’t escape the overwhelming feeling of having come home. It’s as if it belongs to me, and my heart swells with gratitude for the chance to experience the beauty and meaning of it once again. It will hold even greater significance now, as our last-born takes for himself his bride in this enchanting place later today.

There’s a piece of me here, part of my heritage. Thanks to my parents who loved it and wanted us to know and love it too, I grew up coming here. It was truly an escape at times, from the hectic pace of the very busy and stressed life my parents led. But because of health issues, my dad would often need the relief that the ocean breezes and salt air could provide. So, Mom would get us up in the middle of the night, throw us with blankets and pillows into the station wagon, and off we would go. Just as we crossed the bridge onto the narrow strip of barrier isle, we’d roll the windows down and breathe in the salty air. For Daddy, he would immediately be able to breathe freely, maybe for the first time in weeks, and the awful and sometimes debilitating headaches would begin to subside.

That sense of release and relief is the very feeling I get now when I come. I can see the power of God in the strength of the ocean swells. I hear the sound of gulls and feel the warmth of the sun, even on a chilly day. I enjoy the serenity of the sound as the sun sets on it, casting that fire-red glow across the glassy surface. There is both calm and storm, but peace none-the-less, and I think, is there any other place like it on the face of the earth?

I know others have their places too, at least I hope they do. But for now, this is mine. And I am so grateful. God is so good and forever faithful. Today, my husband of 29 years and I will start over. This day will be another anniversary. We have come full circle. Once again it will be just the two of us, and God has bestowed a bountiful harvest on us that continues to grow. It has been my dream since my late teens to raise a family. And now I have the wonderful joy of seeing that family blossom, each son now with a family of their own, Seth's beginning today.

And it begins here, at my beloved Outer Banks.

It's about the little things

2008-05-14T08:43:00.000-04:00

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart." Proverbs 3:5

Over the years, I've come to understand and appreciate the beauty and great privilege that's mine to be able to trust God with the overwhelming challenges of life...sorrow, loss, heartbreak, financial crisis, sickness, betrayal, depression, life-changing decisions to make. But I often have to be reminded that I must be completely trusting Him also with the details and little things that crowd my life in the day-to-day routine. There are the split-second decisions that must be made with the kids or in the car; fatigue; frustration; a nagging sinus headache; the change of plans with the unexpected interruptions; waiting and waiting, and waiting at the doctor's office when another appointment is also on the schedule.

This then, is the beauty of it all; the Spirit of God at work in me on a daily basis, the joy and comfort of "praying without ceasing", the great wonder of the Scriptures that come to mind just when I need them, all wonderful gifts of God for me, His child. I have the privilege to trust Him. I have Him to trust.

"Trusting God turns problems into opportunities." ODB

It's an All-You-Can-Eat Spiritual Buffet!

2008-05-06T16:54:00.000-04:00

Thoughts from Isaiah 55

“Ho everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not?”

On a day like today when I am so overwhelmed with things that need to be done - when I get tired just thinking about it, when I have difficulty even prioritizing and organizing my thoughts and plans to accomplish at least something…I need nourishment and lots of it. I would falter before I even begin, or make an even bigger mistake - plunge in head first and just do whatever I can in my own strength, only to end up spinning my wheels, frustrated, fatigued, and still overwhelmed at the end of the day.

But God’s promises are forever, and are upheld by His sure mercies (v.3). This is such a beautiful thought to me, and such a beautiful and comforting passage. It speaks of that which is only supplied and satisfied by the Holy One (v.5):

“the waters” - the Spirit of God living in me, flowing through me
as promised, enabling, strengthening,
giving joy; my very salvation;
“milk” - sustenance and nourishment of the Word, simple enough
even a a baby can be filled to fullness, and sweet to all;
“wine” - sweet fellowship with my Savior, and His people,
providing along the the way encouragement and
admonishment for my growth;
“bread” - Christ Himself, my all-in-all.

The Lord says, “hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness” (v. 2). It’s an all-you-can-eat spiritual buffet!! If I’m not eating and being nourished and strengthened it’s no one’s fault but my own.

“For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace.” Isaiah 55: 12a

Know Your Children

2008-04-23T22:53:00.000-04:00

I sat in the Sunday morning service and listened as Pastor spoke from I Samuel 3. My chest began to tighten a bit, and I had this feeling in my stomach, you know, the kind you get when you realize the preacher is speaking directly to you. Actually, the Spirit of God was using the Word and the pastor bringing the message to do a work in my heart. I stopped at verse 8 when I read, “And Eli perceived that the Lord had called the child.” I didn’t hear much of the rest of the message, or really remember today what it was about. But I have never forgotten the lesson the Lord taught me that morning, or what He instructed me from His Word to do.

It had been earlier that week when Joshua, five years old at the time, approached me at the kitchen sink while I did dishes. “Mom,” he said, “I think God wants me to be a preacher.” My answer was something like, “That’s nice, honey. Maybe He does.” I wouldn’t have discouraged him for anything, but sitting in church the following Sunday morning, I knew God was dealing with me about that verbal pat on the head I had given my son. It became very clear that God might very well be calling my son to himself, and like Eli I was being slow to catch on.

Yes, Joshua was only five, and had only recently trusted Jesus as his Savior. But God used this story of the child Samuel to remind me that if preaching was the path that Josh should take, then I had better be aware of it and take it seriously, and as a parent be what Josh needed to help make this a reality for him. I asked God to forgive me for taking this lightly, and to help Roger and I be the parents we needed to be, not just for Josh, but for all our children, in order to see them follow after God and serve Him in whatever way He chose.

This is when Proverbs 22:6 became an even greater responsibility; “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This kind of training would require getting to know my children in order to know 'the way they should go'. Aha! Another principal! Get to know your children!!

Is it possible to love a child, feed them, clothe them, take care of them when they’re ill, run them to practices and programs, give them birthday parties, and all the other things we do for our children, and miss getting to know who they really are?? Sadly, I see it all too often. Parents are often busy doing, but not really getting to know their children as individuals. What are their likes, their interests, their abilities? How do they enjoy spending their time? What are their strengths, and weaknesses? It’s especially obvious at Christmas when a total stranger walks up to you in the mall and asks, “Do you think my 16 year old would like this? I really don’t have a clue.”

If you don’t know these things about your children, you can’t encourage them to pursue ways to honor the Lord with those gifts and abilities. Are they well-spoken and bold? Are they quiet and generous? Do they love music or doing things with their hands? Ask God for a keen perception into your child’s heart. Ask Him to help you be sensitive to what He may have in store for them so you can begin to introduce them to the possibilities. Then provide the instruction and direction and guidance they will need to see this for themselves and go for it.

I’m not saying determine God’s will for your child’s life and set them on their course. This they will have to do for themselves. But it will be much easier for them, and it will more likely be their heart’s desire to find God’s will for themselves, if we have put opportunities and possibilities before them. Help them believe that “with God all things are possible”, and that with Him and for Him they can “do all things”. Help them see for themselves how God has gifted them and may desire to use them.

Joshua preached his first message at 13, and is now, at 27, the pastor of a church in Provo, Utah. Another ministers full-time as a youth pastor. Two use their musical gifts to lead worship and minister in song. One uses his gifts of helps and giving as a vital part of a local church ministry in a variety of ways. By the grace of God, all our sons, together with the wonderful families God has given them (the youngest will be married next month), are actively serving the Lord in their local church and as faithful witnesses in their communities. Our hearts are full and grateful, and we are blessed to know they have chosen to follow hard after the Lord in the way He would have them go.

Fear, or Faith?

2008-04-16T08:38:00.000-04:00

I was doing it again, allowing fear to well up in me threatening to choke the joy and faith right out of me. Fear of what? The uncertain, the unknown; the what-ifs. I didn’t want my loved ones experiencing hurt, or heartbreak, or hardship. I’d been there. The hurt? No fun. The heartbreak? No party either. And the hardship? Not a picnic. The seasons for some of those experiences had been long and dry and painful. I wished it on no one, especially those I cared most for.

But then the Psalmist convicted me of my way of thinking. He declared, “Before I was afflicted, I went astray; but now I have kept Thy Word.” And again, “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn Thy statutes.” “I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right, and that Thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me. Let Thy merciful kindness be my comfort.” (Psalm 119: 67, 71, 75)

Experiencing the affliction that God allowed, or even brought my way in correction, was what shaped and molded me, pricked my heart and made me tender to Him and His ways, drove me to my knees and to His Word. It helped strengthen me in my faith and built my confidence in who He is and in His great faithfulness. Because of past difficulties I am more aware of Satan’s tactics. I am more confident in the God I serve. Did I want to take that from my children, from those I love that would value these principals and experiences as much as I do? I don’t think so. But that meant trusting them to God. My own heart I had trusted him with. Now I must trust Him with theirs. I could not fear that they may have to go through seasons of pain or heartbreak. For if they did, the Father would be there for them as He was for me.

Fear is an incredible emotion. With me, it creeps in unawares and wraps itself around my heart, and when I am most vulnerable, begins to squeeze and tighten its grip. It can attack at the most unforeseen moments, masking itself behind a number of other feelings...uncertainty, insecurity, discouragement, even fatigue. It takes the quiet voice of the Spirit of God, speaking to the heart that will listen, to see faith put fear to flight.

Fear suffocates. It paralyzes. It attacks and weakens faith. What it does not and cannot do is weaken the faithfulness of God and the power of His Word. So when fear rears its ugly head, the Scripture is my place of refuge. Even when I am unable to immediately release to my Father the fear I am experiencing in my situation, as I open my heart to Him, God is faithful to minister grace and quiet my heart, bringing me back to a place of greater trust in Him.

Fear often is hiding behind the unexpected. Perhaps it’s because with the unexpected there is a loss of control. A feeling of helplessness only takes seconds to sink into. But He is faithful, and I am grateful. To trust is to actively believe God, acknowledging and accepting His faithfulness to His Word on behalf of His children.

Fear, yes, is an amazing thing. But faith is even more amazing. It allows the hand of a loving, all-wise, all-powerful Savior to reach down and take hold in the weakest moment, lifting the fearful heart to God Himself. Faith conquers fear. Not great faith, but faith in a great God.

“Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief.” (Mark 9: 24)

Moments

2008-04-03T12:05:00.001-04:00

Here I am, plunging into the world of blogging. Little I did realize how intimidating this white space would be. Maybe because I tend to see things from a different perspective...everything is meaningful and with purpose, or wasted. All of life is significant, every breath a gift, every word an opportunity. That's huge...much larger than this chunk of white space. So how to seize the moment, that's the challenge and privilege.

I want to make the most of the moments God gives me, not for selfish enjoyment, but for selfless impact.

"Walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time..." Ephesians 5:15-16